The joke thread II - Page 78

Jimbuna · 09-07-19, 06:53 AM

“Waiter, the steak is smelling very strongly of liquor!” - The waiter backs up 3 steps and asks, “How’s that now?

Jimbuna · 09-08-19, 07:03 AM

Guest at a restaurant: “I refuse to eat this roast beef. Please call the manager! “

Waiter: “That’s no use. He won’t eat it either.”

Jimbuna · 09-08-19, 07:04 AM

Q: What do politicians and diapers have in common?
-
A: Both should be changed regularly, and both for the same reason.

Jimbuna · 09-09-19, 06:24 AM

I was picking up my girl. Her dad looked at me very sternly and said, "I want her home by midnight, young man!"

I said, "What do you mean? You already own her home!"

Jimbuna · 09-09-19, 06:24 AM

Doctor: “Can you describe the snake that bit you?”

Patient: “Yes. It looked like an angry rope. “

Jimbuna · 09-10-19, 08:05 AM

Yesterday I learnt that 20 piranhas can strip all flesh off a man within 15 minutes. - Unfortunately, I also lost my job at the local swimming pool.

Jimbuna · 09-10-19, 08:05 AM

Doctor says to his patient: "You have cancer and Alzheimers."

Patient: "At least I don't have cancer."

Jimbuna · 09-11-19, 09:35 AM

A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the road, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why can’t you do the same?”

The husband: “Are you mad? I barely know the woman!”

Jimbuna · 09-11-19, 09:35 AM

I should have been more suspicious when the Chinese guy offered to “wok my dog for me”…

Jimbuna · 09-12-19, 06:32 AM

Did you hear about the new movie constipation?

[No]

It hasn’t come out yet.

Jimbuna · 09-12-19, 06:34 AM

We have a strange custom in our office. The food has names there. Yesterday for example I got me a sandwich out of the fridge and its name was "Michael".

Jimbuna · 09-13-19, 06:11 AM

Secretary: “Doctor the invisible man has come. He says he has an appointment.”

Doctor: “Tell him I can't see him.”

Jimbuna · 09-13-19, 06:11 AM

Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: “I really don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing!”

Jimbuna · 09-14-19, 07:05 AM

Grandpa, why don't you have any life insurance?"

"So you can all be really sad when I die."

Jimbuna · 09-14-19, 07:06 AM

Famous last words of the gym teacher? "All spears to me."

09-07-19, 06:53 AM	#1156
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	“Waiter, the steak is smelling very strongly of liquor!” - The waiter backs up 3 steps and asks, “How’s that now? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-08-19, 07:03 AM	#1157
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Guest at a restaurant: “I refuse to eat this roast beef. Please call the manager! “ Waiter: “That’s no use. He won’t eat it either.” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-08-19, 07:04 AM	#1158
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Q: What do politicians and diapers have in common? - A: Both should be changed regularly, and both for the same reason. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-09-19, 06:24 AM	#1159
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I was picking up my girl. Her dad looked at me very sternly and said, "I want her home by midnight, young man!" I said, "What do you mean? You already own her home!" __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-09-19, 06:24 AM	#1160
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Doctor: “Can you describe the snake that bit you?” Patient: “Yes. It looked like an angry rope. “ __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-10-19, 08:05 AM	#1161
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Yesterday I learnt that 20 piranhas can strip all flesh off a man within 15 minutes. - Unfortunately, I also lost my job at the local swimming pool. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-10-19, 08:05 AM	#1162
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Doctor says to his patient: "You have cancer and Alzheimers." Patient: "At least I don't have cancer." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-11-19, 09:35 AM	#1163
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the road, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why can’t you do the same?” The husband: “Are you mad? I barely know the woman!” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-11-19, 09:35 AM	#1164
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I should have been more suspicious when the Chinese guy offered to “wok my dog for me”… __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-12-19, 06:32 AM	#1165
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Did you hear about the new movie constipation? [No] It hasn’t come out yet. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-12-19, 06:34 AM	#1166
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	We have a strange custom in our office. The food has names there. Yesterday for example I got me a sandwich out of the fridge and its name was "Michael". __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-13-19, 06:11 AM	#1167
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Secretary: “Doctor the invisible man has come. He says he has an appointment.” Doctor: “Tell him I can't see him.” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-13-19, 06:11 AM	#1168
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: “I really don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing!” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-14-19, 07:05 AM	#1169
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Grandpa, why don't you have any life insurance?" "So you can all be really sad when I die." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-14-19, 07:06 AM	#1170
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Famous last words of the gym teacher? "All spears to me." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)