2023 Subsim Fantasy Football

[Gut Wrench]

...AND WE'RE BACK


Are you ready for some (make believe) football?

Yes, get ready for 17 of the most frustrating weeks you can ever imagine. The 4th of July is done and we're on the run up to the kickoff of the 2023 fantasy season

And unlike last year, our knucklehead Commissioner is on it.

Draft day is Saturday 2 September, 2022, at 0800 PDT.

Oh...is there no ESPN commentary this year at the early advance warning of the draft...oh that's right, cause ESPN fired half their staff. We'll have you know that this is the same contingency for years, so go pluck a duck ESPN.

This years draft will be held at the Las Vegas Sphere, where the Commissioner has booted out U2 from their performance the night before, to make way for the grandstand event that is Fantasy Football.






The league is accepting expansion teams until September 1 2023, after which the league will be locked...and you'll have to buy your own tickets to see if the Who Dat Nation Rises can repeat their stellar come from behind performance of last year.


If you think you've big enough (foot) balls to go against the Best of Subsim, click on the link and get ready to play fantasy football.


Subsim Yahoo Fantasy Football League

[Gut Wrench]

IT'S DRAFT DAY FOLKS


And we'll be here all morning as we get ready to choose fake footballers.

For all your fake news, stay tuned to the Subsim News Network.

Draft time is Saturday 2 September, 2022, at 0800 PDT.

First pick of the draft goes to....the Black Cats.


Wow... that was a wild draft.

Coaches are still talking about the Tarjack selection of the SF defense as the overall #4 pick.

Taylor Swift showed up and did a show in lingerie.

Even the Don, Mister Trump was there pointing all the fakes. "fake. Fake. Fake."

Any Behrans had commentary before the draft, before a raucous crowd.

...and in only their second year, Coach Anthony of the Banter Brigade takes out the best draft by phoning it in.

All right folks, games start Thursday night. Stick around for the next 17 weeks as we talk smack about the wannabe's and the champions-to-be.



First game of the year is a powerhouse struggle, with our defending Champions the Who dat Nation Rises taking on the Helmand Nighthawks. The Nighthawks have a rugged road trip starting the first two games on the road while the Nation need the first win at home knowing that the division last year was decided on count backs.

[Gut Wrench]

WEEK ONE WALKING WOUNDED
...and rookie mistakes.

Week One in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. ....and if you're first four picks of the draft were Cooper Kupp (WR) Travis Kelce (TE) Jonathon Taylor (RB) and Aaron Rodgers (QB) your week one results are probably going to cost you any run at the championship.

Fortunately, in the Subsim Fantasy Football league, we got to spread the hurt around. And in our case, justifiably so, as we saw rookie mistake after mistake.

On one of the most solemn days of the year, we have all the fake news that you can handle, right after we give you this most important message.

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Oregon. Last year the league was won by the Who Dat Nation Rises with a four game run at the en of the season that annihilated the competition. Their run was fueled by a running back duo. Not this week though as the Nation started Dallas Goedert (TE) who was a scratch even before the game. In the powerhouse game of the division, the Nation were hosting the Helmand Nighthawks who have a brutal two game road trip start to the season. Jet lag must have affected Mister Chris because he too was also prone to rookie mistakes, starting both Dameon Pierce (RB) and Baltimore (DEF). Fortunately for Mister Chris, Pierce (RB) didn't score, but that had long term implications as the Nighthawks fell about a touchdown short of knocking off the Nation. Opening Day for Coach Fuel For blood results in an important divisional win, as the Nation defeat the Nighthawks 125 - 114.

I can't remember the last time the Nighthawks lost their first game of the year, just like I can't remember when the Taipans won their first game of the year.

The Taipans had an anomaly and were scheduled to play on September 11, but they stopped using the Southern California stadium two years ago and went home. How they got opening day on September 11 I do not know, but they welcomed the Drunk Monkeys to town...and were lucky they weren't annihilated. Cooper Kupp (WR) was a scheduled starter for the Monkeys so the Taipans complimented that by having Tyree Higgins (WR) take the field...and do nothing. Peyton and Eli did a Manningcast practice on this game and kept the interest in it as the Taipans hang on for a narrow win. Not a convincing opening day, but the Taipans get the W by defeating the Drunk Monkeys 102.94 - 101.96.

The Black Cats welcomed the Boss team to South Carolina in a battle of "which quarterback sucks the most". Mine does, no mine does. They both do. In a dismal affair between Joe Burrow (QB) and Daniel Jones (QB) it was still a stand out game as Tyree Hill (WR) asks the question of "how much will you pay me?" Hill lit up the scoreboard single handed and was a delight to watch even though this game was decided by half time. With the Nighthawks losing in the early game of the day, the Boss team was able to become the sole English team to lead the league not called the Nighthawks. The Boss Team accounted for the Black cats 175 - 115.

Our final game of the day has the Guns of Hochuli (Damm, I miss Ed.) hosting the Banter Brigade. With all three English team crossing the pond this weekend, on the same flight, its no wonder that there was confusion at the baggage carousel. Another rookie mistake, this time by Coach Casey starting Mark Andrews (TE) for the game - when he was still out on sick leave. This game went into Monday night and came down to Tyler Bass (K) of the Gunners battling the New York Jets (DEF) for the final points of the weekend. And battle it out they did into overtime. Th smart money would have been on the Gunners ace Josh Allen (QB) but it was the New York Jets (DEF) who held strong and gave the win to the Banter brigade on the final play of the entire weekend. The Banter Brigade steal one and beat the Gunners 101 - 90.

So where does that leave us at the end of Week 1, half the teams are 1-0, the other half are 0-1. Next week we go downunder for the first time as the Australian Taipans welcome the Banter Brigade to town. if the

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

We've had some big individual scores on opening day, including some outstanding performances from Defenses, but none where a single players has carried the entire team for the win. For the effort 11 receptions for 212 yards and 2 touchdowns, for a total of 50 - 50 points, the Week One MVT goes to Tyree Hill (WR) of the Boss team.

[Gut Wrench]

BANTER BITTEN BY TAIPANS
...an injured snake.

Week Two in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. .... and if you're name is Bill Belichick and you don't have a girlfriend, throw that challenge flag all your like because the Coaches in the Subsim Fantasy Football league do not have any vacancies.

We'll have all the tantrum throwing, girlfriend loss and even some on field action, right after this important message.

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Our game of the week, was the Australian Taipans hosting the Banter Brigade. The Taipans get to open the season with two home games, and the second requires the Brigade to make the long flight east (yes, they fly from England to Australia that way) to meet the Aussies. And they were waiting. The Taipans after a week one so-so game came out and just piled points on the board, not a bad effort considering both Nick Chubb (RB) and Josh Jacobs (RB) were carted off the field with injuries. The Taipans open their season losing both running backs, but have Zac Moss (RB) stashed on the bench. The Brigade must have had that jet-lag because except for Devonte Adams (WR) most of their guys were sleeping during the game - made difficult with all those cots on the field. This one wasn't even close folks as the Australian Taipans account for the Banter Brigade 163 - 71.

Is it too early to be signalling for help? We checked in with the Coach of the Helmand Nighthawks, Mister Chris, after their game against the Black Cats in South Carolina. With a two game away schedule, the Nighthawks record their second loss of the season, even with Travis Kelce (TE) returning to the game and scoring one touchdown. But for Coach FYC, it was a purr-fectly executed cat scratch with Justin Jefferson (WR) holding the team together as they played one man down. The Cats move to .500% with their 116 - 102 win over the Helmand Nighthawks.

In the highest scoring match of the week, the Guns of Hochuli hosted the Drunk Monkeys. Make no mistake, the Drunk Monkeys are just one coach away from being a Torpedo Bowl winning team, if Coach Thad would just show up. The Gunners and the Monkeys were throwing feces at each other for the entire 60 minutes in the heavy heat of a Texas temperature surge. This was a Josh Allen (QB) versus Lamar Jackson (QB) arm slinging match. If Coach Thad has just swapped out Cooper Cupp (WR) for George Pickens (WR) this would have been a Drunk victory. Final score in Sugarland, the Gunners out blast the Drunk Monkeys 170 - 149.


Our final game of the week was the Boss team hosting the Who Dat nation. The Bosses stunned the opposition in week one and while the Nation were also victorious, the money was on the Nation coming to England and rolling over the Bosses like a Sheffield pitch. But the Nation were unprepared for the homeland force of the Boss fans (all 12 of them) who were able to be heard over the Intercity trains running by. Both teams were also playing one man down, again, a display of rookie coaches in an otherwise exciting match. The nation would not be able to overcome the strength of Daniel Jones (QB) who put the Bosses on his back and did everything but carry the drinks tray. The Boss Team stuns the defending Torpedo Bowl champions to take command of the Sub Simmers division by defeating the Who Dat Nation Rises 132 - 115.


So where does that leave us? There's quite a spread and its only week two. The Bosses and the Taipans are the two undefeated at the top of the table. Four teams are tied at 1-1, but it is the bottom of the table where the Drunk Monkeys and the Helmand Nighthawks occupy the 7th and 8th positions,...and the Monkeys aren't 8th. What has happened to our beloved Nighthawks, powerhouse dynasty residing in the cellar.


Next week, we head to Wembley, home of the Nighthawks in the "local derby" as the Helmand Nighthawks host the Boss Team. The bottom of the ladder is hosting the top of the ladder, and the Nighthawks need a win - and it's only week three. And we'll be there to catch all the action and report back here.


Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

In the history of Subsim Fantasy Football, we've never had one team win the opening two weeks of the seasons MVT. This year, the dynasty may be starting as they have a second player win the converted weekly award. For the effort of 321 yards and 2 touchdowns, plus an additional 59 rushing yards for 1 TD, or a total of 40.24 points, the Week Two MVT goes to Daniel Jones (QB) of the Boss team.

[Gut Wrench]

WILD MONDAY NIGHT
...and who picked the Nighthawks to be 0-3?.

Week Three in the Subsim Fantasy Football League .... and if you weren't watching on Monday night, you missed one of the wildest and most exciting finishes to a week, ever recorded in the Subsim Fantasy league.That comes after a systematic demolition in a couple of other days.

But before we tell you about that, let us tell you about this.


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After opening the season with two home games the Australian Taipans slither into Texas where it was hot...hot, so hot...to mean divisional rivals the Guns of Hochuli. Coach Casey had ordered up a scorching hot day of 112 for the Taipans match and gave the sunny side of the Pearland Stadium. Taipans didn't care, they're from the subtropics and it was just another hot day to be playing. And played they did. Tapians jumped out to early lead on Thursday night and were never headed again. The Gunners, fired back early Sunday morning with with Buffalo (Def) racking up 32 points - to be the highest scoring person on the team. Drinks were brought out early as the Taipans cooled off on Monday night rolling up the scoreboard a few more points. Final score at Pearland Stadium Australian Taipans defeat the Guns of Hochuli 148 - 117.

In South Carolina, the Black Cats welcomed the Who Dat Nation Rises to town for a hurricane rain soaked match. With the traditional bog of the Cats home field the Nation from the Pacific North West - where it always rains - rode into town and shot the Cats to pieces. This wasn't even a close match, even with both teams started less on running back. The Cats had a sniff to steal this game with Joe Burrow (QB) on Monday night, but, it's becoming a case of "which Joe Burrow is going to show up?" This week it was the one who sucked, and couldn't throw a long bomb to save the team. Final score in the south, The Who Dat Nation Rises to defeat the Black Cats 133-102.

Time after time we talk about it, just how good could the Drunk Monkeys be if Coach Thad showed up to the game. They have a great leader with Lamar Jackson as QB. But the rest of the team just played a lazy ass monkey game. The Banter Brigade that crossed the pond are showing that in their second year int he league the have potential championship aspirations as they accounted for the Monkeys. Final score, Banter Brigade 165 - Drunk Monkeys 84.

Our final game of the week was the best of the year so far. A local derby in Wembley, the Helmand Nighthawks were uncharacteristically 0-2 for the season needing to stop the losses. The Boss team, another of our second year team, were 2-0 and were looking to put the Nighthawks way down the ladder and open up the game differential. This was rugged "all through the the weekend" type of game with the teams having appearances in all time slots. On Monday night, the Boss team had closes out their scoring leaving the Nighthawks a 32 point deficit to overcome. Shouldn't be too hard with Jaylen Hurts (QB) and Chris Goodiwn (WR) still to play. But it was. Hurts looked like he was playing hurt and Goodwin looked like he was calling Tom Brady to come back. The Nighthawks only needed three touchdowns between the pair of them and maybe 270 yards to make this a competition. But they came up short. In the first major upset of the year, the Boss team defeats the Helmand Nighthawks 136 - 128.

So lets take our first look at the table and see where we stand.

In the Surface Skimmers division the Australian Taipans sit out front at 3-0. One game behind them are the Banter Brigade at 2-1, one game back again at 1-2 are the Guns of Hochuli , and holding down the wooden spoon are the Drunk Monkeys at 0-3.

In the Sub Simmers division, the Boss team are also 3-0 and share the league lead. One game back from them at 2-1 are the Who Dat Nation, one more game back at 1-2 are the Black Cats, but all the finger pointing is being done at the Helmand Nighthawks who sit at the bottom of the division at 0-3. This is unprecedented in Nighthawk history, their worst start ever, and I would have to think long and hard for the last time that the Nighthawks lost 3 games in a row. But this is also one of the powerhouse teams of the league, who has the potential to put on a charge and finish as the number 1 seed - even from here.

Next week, we go back to Oregon where the Who Dat Nation Rises start as underdogs to the Guns of Hochuli. Unlike other leagues, there will be no "Toy Story" gamification of this match, or any other match. This is serious football folks, we don;t make stuff up.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

This one is a little weird this week. For the effort of 18 receptions for 215 yards, and...then passing 49 yards for 1 touchdown, for a total of 53.46 points, the Week Three MVT goes to Keenan Allen (WR) of the Australian Taipans.

[Gut Wrench]

NIGHTHAWKS SOAR ....TO 1-3
...leaving only one undefeated team?.

Week Four in the Subsim Fantasy Football League .... and finally, our past champion gets out of the cellar and begin their ascent with the first win. We'll tell you about which team fired the cannons loudly, which team slithered their way to a won and spank your red rump as we go around the grounds on the greatest football, never played.

....right after we tell you about the most important message you'll hear today.

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Game of the week and we were back in Oregon as the Who Dat Nation started as underdogs to the Guns of Hochuli. The Gunners, who have been a little slow this year to sound off, put that away with a rapid fire assault on the Nation home ground. Casualties abound as the Gunners not only ran for about six miles, they also went through the air for another couple of miles. The Nation, still carrying the Austin Eckler (RB) injury put their team on the shoulder of Justin Field (QB) but you can only carry a dead body so far before you drop it on the ground. With no support form the rest of the team the stadium began to empty early Sunday morning and the only people to see DK Metcalf (WR) were the janitorial staff. This one is a big score folks, the largest as the Gunners put the Who Dat Nation Rises in their place with a 177 - 91 point shellacking.


Across the county, our lowest scoring game of the weekend were the Black Cats hosting the Australian Taipans. the Taipans come into town as one of only two undefeated teams and they were luck to get out of town with the win. Franchise player Patrick Mahonnes (QB) didn't do enough and Tee Higgans (WR) stubbed a two after two catches leaving the door wide open for the cats to sneak in and steal the win. Cats were lead by Joe Burrow (QB) and this week we got the poor man's Joe Burrow who scored less point that tee Higgans (WR). In a race to see who could score the least number of points and win, the Australian Taipans barely hung on to win the game by 113 - 90.

In the upset game of the weekend, we have talked about this year after year - just how good could the Drunk Monkeys be if Coach Thad just showed up. The Monkeys, occupying the bottom of the ladder with 0 wins, welcomed the undefeated Boss team into town. The Bosses were ridding a three game winning streak into the second year and were looking for easy victory over the Monkeys - but not so fast pal, there are never any easy victories in the race to the Torpedo Bowl, especially when your QB gets sacked 10 times. The Monkeys put on a stellar performance swinging from player to player. King Derrick Henry (RB) showed that he still has the crown as he lead the scoring in a lopsided affair that has the bookmakers wondering whether the Boss Team really has the ability to make it to the final. In their first defeat of the year, the Boss Team looses out to the Drunk Monkeys 76-138.

After an abortion of a start to the season, the Helmand Nighthawks finally returned home last week to continue their losing ways. With week four occurring, the Nighthawks were already the subject of whispers as to whether they could return to form and make the playoffs from three games back, let alone dominate their division. With only one TD out of their entire wide receivers, it was left to Isiah Pacheo (RB) to command the running ground and secure the Nighthawks first, and most needed win of the season. Final score at Wembley, the Nighthawks hand the Banter brigade a lesson in football running over them to the tune of 172-126.

A quarter of the season is over and we've got a long way to go, but lets check the pace of our teams.

In the Surface Skimmers division the Australian Taipans remain undefeated at 4-0. The Guns of Hochuli and the banter Brigade sit at 2-2 each, with the Drunk Monkeys scoring their first win of the season to elevate them to.... 1-3.

In the Sub Simmers division, the Boss team sit alone at 3-1. The Who Dat Nation are a game back at 2-w, while the Helmand Nighthawks first win of the game propels them to 1-3 and 6th in the league. The Black cats are equal at 1-3 but drop to 8th in the league on for and against.

Next week, we go back to England for a top of the table battle as the Boss Team hosts the Australian Taipans. The Taipans start the week already underdogs with five players out, so we're expecting Coach Pioneer to make wholesale changes. The Bosses will be smarting from the shock loss to the Nighthawks and will be looking to put the Taipans away and claim an equal share of the #1 position.

Also, next weeks column may be a little late as the broadcast team will be attending the Monday night game.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

There was no doubt who it was going to be this week, with the second highest score of the league this year. For the effort of 106 rushing yards and 3 TD's, and 7 receptions for 78 yards and 1 TD, for a total of 54.70 points, the Week Four MVT goes to Cameron McCafferty of the Guns of Hochuli.

[Gut Wrench]

TAIPANS HANG ON IN A SHOOTOUT THRILLER
...while the Nighthawks beat down the Monkeys

Week Five in the Subsim Fantasy Football League .... holy crap, were you watching some of the best football we've seen...since last week? We've got some high powered football, some low scoring slugfest, and another thriller involving our league leader that required not one, but two rewrites this week.

....and all this from the press box at Allegiant, where we saw the following ad on the big screen, next to Mark Davis' head cut.

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It was out match of the day folks and it was a ball tearer. If you were watching and turned off after fifteen minutes on Thursday night after DJ Moore scored a boatload of points, you missed one of the greatest come from behind, winning at the post moments we've seen. The Boss Team were down a million points when, once again, Stefan Diggs (WR) and Travis Etienne (TE) came out and piled on a combined 83 points. These two teams went back and forth, changing the lead five times before Josh Jacobs finally put the game away with a 1 yard TD run. The implications of thgis is that the Taipans are starting to run away with the league having won two games in a row. Final score in England, the Australian Taipans defeat the Boss team 164-157.

Around the corner, we had The Helmand Nighthawks hosting the Drunk Monkeys. This game was not even close folks, this was a red rump blow out. Travis Kelce's (TE) girlfriend, Taylor Swift could have suited up and scored in this game. FInally, the Helmand Nighthawks get their season pointed in the right direction with their second win of the season, defeating the DRunk MOnkeys 160 - 91.

In the Sugarland, Coach Casey and the Gunners were hosting the Black Cats. In another of the blow outs thius week, the Gunners just blew away the little Cats, even if they did play a man down. A lot of points were scored by the Gunners in this game, look out folks, they are on the move. Final score in Texas Guns of Hochuli defeat the Black Cats 142 - 99.

Back in Oregon, what were the Who Dat Nation Rises Coach thinking about for breakfast that they choose to non start three players. How could you ever record from something like this and expect to win. The Banter Brigade get an easy win and defeat the Nation 168- 98.

Kinda opens up the league a little bit as we look at next weeks games. e go back to Carolina next week when the Black Cats try to stop the Boss team from overshadowing them in the match of the game. Both teams are already fighting for the lives and its only week six.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

This weeks winner was a high scorer and they needed every point to get the win. For the effort of 8 receptions for 230 yards and 3 TD's, for a total of 55 points, the Week Five MVT goes to DJ Moore of the Australian Taipans.

[Gut Wrench]

MORE THRILLERS THAN MICHAEL JACKSON
...less kiddie stuff though.

Week Six in the Subsim Fantasy Football League and do we have a a hot hot week of football to talk about. We've got scores closer than baseball games, more changes that Kings Cross station and we're only one third of the way through the season.


Imagine what the next two thirds of the season will bring.


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Let's grab out breath and run down the program and check all the games at all the grounds and find our best of the week.


In Oregon, the Who Dat Nation Rises welcomed the Helmand Nighthawks to town. The traditional two heavy weights of entire league have put on a few pounds and are currently 2-3 this season coming into the game. The big shock was the Nighthawks who lost their first three, but have started to put on a more traditionally looking run of games winning the last two. The Nation however, they appeared bogged won in the Pacific North West rain as Coach Fuel for Blood struggles to put gas in the tank. The Nighthawks didn't have any stand outs in the game, they just did their job to eventually put the Who Dat Nation Rises away to the tune of 120 - 94.


At Twickenham, the Banter Brigade welcomed the Guns of Hochuli to town in what would be a low scoring affair. Well, what would you expect when both teams leave a combined four (4) players at the pub before the main game. These two teams are playing for seeding already at this stage of the season and the Gunners were just that little bet better. A shock loss by the Banter Brigade sees them fall to the Guns of Hochuli 94 - 88.


Monday brings out winners, and tussles. And there was no bigger tussle then when the bottom of the league were hosting the top of the league, and it all came down to Monday night. The Drunk Monkeys, the best damm 0-2 to every grace the league had the Taipans fly in for what might be their biggest game of the year. The Taipans were running a five game winning streak while the Monkeys were just not scoring. Taipans started three (3) different players on Thursday night and the Monkeys ran them down early Sunday morning. A back and forth tugging match ensued through Sunday, and once we got to Monday night, the Monkeys were slightly in front. The lead change five times and it was apparent this was going to be decided at the end of the night. With 2 minutes to go Cedee Lamb (WR) pulled in a catch that took him for over 100 yards, and the Taipans were beaten. Final score and biggest upset of the week, Drunk Monkeys defeat the Australian Taipans 152 - 141.



Our second thriller saw the lowest ranked team in the league, the Black cats, hosting the hottest team int he league, the Boss team. Coach FYC has coughed up a furball a couple of times this year but were able to strut out to an early lead despite the fact that both teams had a combined four (4) starters down with Covid, and the Black Cats started the hapless Broncos (DEF). This was just a much a snuggle struggle as the cats eventually squeaked out the win 126.5 - 123.2


Next week, the call outs are in full swing so its hard to pick a great game. We're going to go back down under as the Australian Taipans at the top of the table, host the hard charging Banter Brigade on their longest trek of the year.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

This one was still undecided on Monday night, and we had to wait out the final games before casting some votes. For the effort of 12 receptions for 124 yards and 1 TD's, for a total of 36.40 points, the Week Six MVT goes to Amon Saint Brown of the Black Cats.

[Gut Wrench]

LONG HAUL FOOTBALL IN THE TRENCHES
...halfway through the season.

Week Seven in the Subsim Fantasy Football League and we are starting to get a better picture of the comers and goers int he league. We had several matches decided this week before Monday Night, good for production, not so good for entertainment, so we loaned out Peyton and Eli to one of the networks.

So lets get the big heads up on the board as we go around the grounds to get the latest results int he biggest week of football, right after we tell you about this.

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Our match of the day this week was in the land down under, where the Jacarandas start to bloom, the weather starts to warm and the snakes come out to play. The banter Brigade had come to down, making the long trek form the motherland to check on the convict state. Well, there's a revolution going on folks, a eureka stockade charge as the Taipans set the ground alight and sent the Brigade home. The brigade set up the second highest score of the week, only to be beaten by the highest score. A devastating loss drops the Banter to 3-4 while the win pushes the Taipans to 6 - 1. Final score in the subtropics, the Taipans defeat the Banter 150 - 131.

In Oregon, the Who Dat Nation Rises welcomed the Helmand Nighthawks to town. The traditional two heavy weights of entire league have put on a few pounds and are currently 2-3 this season coming into the game. The big shock was the Nighthawks who lost their first three, but have started to put on a more traditionally looking run of games winning the last two. The Nation however, they appeared bogged won in the Pacific North West rain as Coach Fuel for Blood struggles to put gas in the tank. The Nighthawks didn't have any stand outs in the game, they just did their job to eventually put the Who Dat Nation Rises away to the tune of 120 - 94.

Two games int he motherland this weekend with the first at Twickenham as the Boss team hosted the Who Dat Nation Rises. The nation have slipped in the power rankings the last few years, giving up some easy wins to lower class teams. The Bosses were at home with the English "voice" and drowned out the Nation in signal calling, leaving three starters back at the hotel. This one wasn't even close, at the Bosses run out convincing winners 113 - 47.

The second game on English soil were the Helmand Nighthawks at home to the Black Cats. After a worrisome start to the season, the Nighthawks have put together consecutive wins as they soar back into play off contention. Representing the bottom of the ladder, the Black Cats justified their lowly ranking, giving up three non starting positions. The second game of the weekend that was over even before Sunday night, the Helmand Nighthawks skin the Black Cats 123 - 71.

Final game of the weekend was the closest game of the weekend. The Guns of Hochuli had the Drunk Monkeys coming to Sugarland. the Monkeys were riding high after their shock win last week, and thought that they could just swing by the Gunners. Not so fast, the Gunners blew the Monkeys out of the tree early on but the swarm or red rumps chased the Gunners all the way to Monday night. Once again, the Coach Thad had just shown up and replaced any of his four non starters, just one of them, the result would be different. Final score in Texas the Guns of Hochuli defeat the Drunk Monkeys 109-90.

It's halfway through the season, lets check out the board and see where we are.

In the Sub Simmers division, it's a tail of two couples. The Helmand Nighthawks and the Boss team lead the division at 4-3 each, while two games back, the other couple of the Black Cats and the Who Dat Nation Rises squabble for the wooden spoon at 2-5 each.

In the Surface Skimmers division, the Australian Taipans have opened a small lead at 6-1. The Guns of Hochuli are right behind them at 5-2, then a gap to the Banter Brigade at 3-4 and the Drunk Monkeys at 2-5.

With all that said our Match of the day next week is the Guns of Hochuli hosting the Australian Taipans. Our top of the league clash not only has divisional implications, but can also open the door for the Helmand Nighthawks to make ground.

Next week, the call outs are in full swing so its hard to pick a great game. We're going to go back down under as the Australian Taipans at the top of the table, host the hard charging Banter Brigade on their longest trek of the year.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

Making their first appearance this year, for the effort of 12 receptions for 1179 yards and 1 TD's, for a total of 41.90 points, the Week Seven MVT goes to Taylor Swifts boyfriend, Travis Kelce (TE) of the Helmand Nighthawks.

[Gut Wrench]

SPOOKY RESULTS
...haunt the league

Week Eight in the Subsim Fantasy Football League and the ghosts and goblins were out. There were werewolves in sheep clothing, black cats and skeletons. And off the field there was some crazy stuff as well.

Hitch up them broomsticks and get ready to fly as we go around the grounds right after we give you the biggest treat of the week.


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Our match of the day this week the Guns of Hochuli hosting the Australian Taipans. The Taipans and Gunners have been going 1-2 all season and in this their first match up we expected to see the sparks fly. What we got was a Masterclass in Coaching from Coach Casey. On Thursday night the Taipans were favored to win but the Gunners started Josh Allen (QB) and Gabe Davis (WR) who put up 68 points before the Taipans even started. That is not insurmountable given the Gunners were playing a man down. Coach Casey made their first appearance of the year but changing their team shortly before kick off and by the time Coach Pioneer arrived at the ground, the gap was now almost 90 points...and the Taipans hadn't even taken the field. They should have stayed home as they got skinned by the Guns of Hochuli 185 - 99.

In England it was the local Derby with the Boss team hosting the Helmand Nighthawks. The Nighthawks after a a disastrous 0-3 start have put 4 wins in a row on the board, scrapping into second at the Bosses house. This was also not a close game as the Nighthawks show the sophomore team whey they are the leagues most successful team. Upsetting the home crowd, the Helmand Nighthawks defeat the Boss team 173 - 119.


Our bottom of the table clash between a pair of 2-5's saw the Black Cats hosting the Who Dat Nation Rises. In a perennial battle of who scores last, the Cats had a surprising score of 17 from the Broncos (DEF) while the Nation let Justin Field (QB) check out before the game started and go trick or treating. Perhaps the best game of the week, the Black Cats clawed their way to a win 125 - 97.


Our final game was another English game with the Banter Brigade hosting the Drunk Monkeys. This was a red rump ripping game with the lead changing hands on Sunday afternoon four times. The final score was going to come down to Monday night where the Drunk Monkeys held a 20 point lead. With only Jamyhr Gibbs (RB left to play and a predicted 15 point score, this was a nail bitter. Gibbs (RB) helped his cause by receiving a couple of catches, before finally putting the team ahead with a TD. Final score in the motherland, the banter Brigade win 174 - 156.

A couple of key wins and losses have tightened up the leadership board.

In the Sub Simmers division, it's a tail of two couples. The Helmand Nighthawks have sole possession of the division at 5=3 with the Boss team behind them at 4-4. There's a gap to the Black at 3-5 and the Who Dat Nation Rises at 2-6.

In the Surface Skimmers division, its a little more complicated. The Guns of Hochuli and the Australian Taipans share the league and division lead at 6-2, then a gap to the Banter Brigade and the Drunk Monkeys at 3-5. We haven't yet discussed count back yet but the Gunners would have the #1 seed, and the Brigade would be the #4 seed.

With all that said our Match of the day next week is down under as the Helmand Nighthawks try to slay the Taipans. These two powerhouse teams could be fighting it out for the #1 seed at the end of the season, and this could be the pivotal deciding game.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

Coming through on Monday night, for the effort of 152 yards and 1 TB, 5 receptions for 37 yards, for a total of 35.90 points, the Week Eight MVT goes to Jahmyr Gibbs (RB) of the Banter Brigade.

[Gut Wrench]

WHO DAT GET A SECOND WIN
...but Monkeys still own the wooden spoon.

Week Nine in the Subsim Fantasy Football League and we've turned the halfway corner and making the long run into the homestretch. We still have every team vying for a play off position but unlike previous years, the top and bottom of the league look a little, strange.

Let's lok at some stranger things and go around the grounds, right after we point out the new yellow banner up there, and the usual commercial down her.


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if you had told me at the start of the season the Who Dat Nation at halfway through t he season would be the bottom team, I'd have bet against you. If you told me that they'd be batting for last place with the Drunk Monkeys, I'd have doubled my bet, and lost. The Monkeys were hosting the Nation is a last place shoot out that needed all of Monday night to sort out. The Monkeys had Ceedee Lamb (WR) put up 34 points, challenging the Nation to come through. The Nation ran down the Monkeys but they still needed Austin Ecklar (RB) to score to give the Nation a much needed and narrow win. Final score, the Who Dat Nation defeat the Drunk Monkeys 102.3 - 100.08.

In South Carolina, it was the "who can win a game with the least number of starters" as the Black Cats hosted the Banter brigade. The Brigade had come to town looking for an easy win to keep their playoff aspirations alive The Cats had other ideas. Now while both teams started the game each three players short, it was the work of Joe Burrow (QB) that lifted the felines above the rabble. Final score in the south, the Back Cats defeat the Banter Brigade 109-67.

Our match of the day this week was a beauty. The Helmand Nighthawks were visiting the Australian Taipans in Australia. The Taipans opened the season going 5-0 and have since stumbled, whereas the Nighthawks started the season 0-3 and have put 5 wins in a row on the board. This was a marquee match up as the Nighthawks opened on Thursday night with a tone of points. The Taipans traded early on Sunday morning to bring in Taysom Hill (TE) who not only threw for a touchdown but received a pass for a touchdown. In a week of lower than average scores, the damage done by Hill (TE) was enough to put the Taipans back on the winning track. Final score, The Taipans defeat the Helmand Nighthawks 137-97.

The final game of the week was the league leading Guns of Hochuli hosting the Boss team. The Gunners had defeated the Taipans last week and taken the league lead at 6-2 on a countback. The Bosses were running at .500% and looking to upset the leaders. And upset them they did. After losing Daniel Jones (QB) to season ending injury, the Bosses playing two men down set about pursing the Gunners. Josh Allen (QB) put in a substandard performance for the Gunners and the Bosses were helped by their entire Gunners running backs, scoring a combined score of 0. Big upset here folks as the Bosses strut into town and defeat the Guns of Hochuli 85 - 77

The league has bell shape curve about it at the end of week nine. The Taipans lead at 7-2 with the Guns of Hochuli at 6-3. Both the Helmand Nighthawks and the Boss team are at 5-4, with the Black Cats and the Banter brigade at 4-5. The Who Dat Nation are 3-6 and the WDrunk Monkeys are at the bottom at 2-7.

Next week we go back to England where the Banter Brigade will be hosting the Boss team. Two teams int heir second year looking to improve of their previous performances and make their way into the playoffs.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

Moving their team up the ladder, for the effort of5 receptions for 139 yards and 1 TD, for a total of 30.90 points, the Week Nine MVT goes to Amari Cooper of the Who Dat Nation Rises.

[Gut Wrench]

WHERE DID WEEK TEN GO





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Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of 8 receptions and 1 TB and 8 rusjing yards,for a total of 36.50 points, the Week Ten MVT goes to Amon St Brown (WR) of the Black Cats.

[Gut Wrench]

THE REAL WEEK ELEVEN
...and for the second time in 17 years, what happened to last weeks post?

Week Eleven in the Subsim Fantasy Football League and we're not in Kansas anymore Toto. No idea what happened when I posted last weeks blurb, cause after posting I looked at it and swore about the typos.

We'll move on and and address this week before we get to Turkey week.

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Our match of the day this week, that you would have read about last week if the post didn't vanish, was the Banter Brigade hosting the Guns of Hochuli. The banter were at home for their last home game in the next two weeks as all the internationals cross the pond for turkey day. The Banter have hung around all year, and the Gunners have at one time jointly lead the league. The Banter went out early and got a sizeable lead before the Gunners ran them down and passed them. But the Gunners were all done by Sunday night, leaving just A.J Brown (WR) for the Banter to secure the win. Brown (WR) only needed one touchdown for the win - and in the entire Monday night game, he received one pass. Gunners thieve one from the Banter as they run out 134 - 126 winners.

In Australia, the Taipans, league leaders, were hosting the Drunk Monkeys, 8th place with only two wins this season. The Monkeys came so close to toppling the #1 seed as the lead changed back and forth between the two on Sunday. The Monkeys had an impressive Thursday Night with Lamar Jackson (QB) but the Taipans, cause their coach showed up, was able to make some positional changes. Taipans get ready to tour by defeating the Drunk Monkeys 133 - 108.

In England, the Helmand Nighthawks met the Who Dat Nation for the second time this season. The Nation were always going to be up against the wall traveling two players short, and the Nighthawks put the screws on the Nation. Cementing their seventh victory of the year an elevating themselves to the divisional lead for the first time, the Helmand Nighthawks defeat the Who Dat Nation Rises 129 - 112.

The final game of the week was the low scoring affair between the Boss Team and the Black Cats. In one of the worst performances ever seen on the field, these two couldn't work out who was going to loose, it was as if a win would decimate their lives. There were no highlights here, except the final score. Boss team defeat the Black Cats 70 - 55.

So lets look at the league as a whole and work out what the turkey weekend games look like.

In the Surface Skimmers, the Taipans at 9-2 lead the league and division by 2 games. The Guns of Hochuli though #2 in the division, fall to the #3 league seed by count back. There is a long gap back to the Banter Brigade at 5-5 and the Drunk Monkeys at 2-8.

In the Sub Simmers Division, the Helmand Nighthawks have stormed through after a handful of losses at the start of the year to lead the division at 7-4. A game back at 6-5 is the Boss Team, another game back the Black Cats at 5-6, and then trailing at 3-8, the Who Dat Nation Rises.

Next week we go into the longest week of football, and we even have games on Friday next week. Our match of the day will be the Black Cats hosting the Helmand Nighthawks in what could be a pivotal fight for the division lead.

As always, we'll be there to report on the games, and if the board doesn't delete it again, we'll post it after the final games.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

Taking their team to the divisional lead, for the effort of 5 receptions for 156 yards and 1 TD, for a total of 32.60 points, the Week Eleven MVT goes to Brandon Aiyuk (WR) of the Helmand Nighthawks.

[Gut Wrench]

THE LONGEST WEEK OF FOOTBALL
Thursday, Friday Sunday and Monday.

Week Twelve in the Subsim Fantasy Football League this year, it just seemed to drag on. Depending on which timezone you were in, you could have woken up to football Thursday morning and watched three different games, done some Black Friday shopping and watched another game, then watched the regular Sunday games, and followed it up without Peyton and Eli on Monday.

And we have all the answers for you, right after this important message.

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Black Cats were hosting the Helmand Nighthawks this week in what was expected to be a pivotal divisional match up. Instead, Coach FYC and his team ate all the turkey pregame and turned this one into a snooze fest. Joe Burrow (QB) Justin Jefferson (WR) and Aaron Jones (RB) were all in a turkey comatose when the Nighthawks ran onto the field. Mister Chris and his team lead by Jared Goff (QB) didn't have to see the field alight with gravy, but they sprinkled in some spicy plays to run out easy winners 148-87.

In Texas, The Gins of Hochuli were hosting the Drunk Monkeys in what was expected to be a Monkey win. Except someone forgot to tell Cameron McCafferty (RB) and Coach Casey. McCafferty (RB) was able to handle all courses dished out by the Monkeys as they gorged themselves to a positive finish. Final score at Sugarland saw the Guns of Hochuli 130 defeat the Drunk Monkeys 95.

The deeper we went into the weekend, the closer the scores started to get. In Oregon, the Who Dat Nation Rises were hosting the Boss Team for a bottom of the division match up that could still shuffle their way into the playoffs. Tony Pollard (RB) was exception for the Nation, but Tyree Hill (WR) was just slightly better. Justin Fields (QB) strode out Monday night poised to thieve the turkey drum leg and the game from the Bosses, but once he threw his second interception to the same player, Field (QB) was not going to have the high scoring night that he was expected to have. In an upset win, the Bosses accounted for the Who Dat Nation Rises 123-89.

Our final game of the week was an international game, a rarity on Thanksgiving weekend with the Banter Brigade hosting the Australian Taipans. This was edge of your seat game folks. The Bosses came out Thursday behind Jaymhr Gibbs (RB) but it was Trevor Lawrence (QB) that excelled that put this game on the all the networks. The Tipans were able to come back skippered by Patrick Mahonnes (QB) but when Mahonnes didn't throw the last 2 yards to reach 300 yards, the Brigade was still in front, and the Taipans were in trouble. In a case of last man standing DJ Moore (WR) finally put the Taipans ahead on Monday night to seal a closer than needed to be victory for the Taipans. Final score at Twickenham the Banter Brigade narrowly loose to the Australian Taipans 122 - 147.

So with just a handful of games left in the regular season, lets run down the board.

In the Sub Simmers Division, the Helmand Nighthawks lead at 8-4 and are currently the #2 seed in the league. The Bosses are a game back at 7-5, the Black Cats at 5-7 and the surprising Who Dat Nation Rises at 3-9.

In the Surface Skimmers Division, the Taipans are at 10 - 2 and have the #1 seed int he league. The Guns of Hochuli are at 8-4 and the Banter Brigade at 5-7 and the Drunk Monkeys at 2-10.Teams are a little more spread out this season, but it ain't over yet.

Next week's match of the day is in South Carolina as the Black Cats host the Who Dat Nation Rises. With both teams facing the prospect of elimination from the play offs, both teams need to win the game to stay in contention. Only one will get stay alive as we start approaching mathematical impossibility for one of these teams.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

Winning it for the second time this year, for the effort of 114 yards and 2 touchdowns, and 5 receptions for 25 yards, for a total of 36.90 points, the Week Twelve MVT goes to Cam McCafferty (RB) of the Guns of Hochuli.

[Gut Wrench]

TAIPANS AND NIGHTHAWKS CLINCH
The rest battle on.

Week Thirteen in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. Unlucky for some, not so for others. In a disappointing week of results, we could have mailed this report in on Sunday and gone out Monday. But no, we're covering all the inconsequential games in the Subsim League just so we can give you, the readers, the most up to date picture.


And the picture is this, the most important things you need to do today.


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Our match of the day was the Black Cats hosting the Who Dat Nation. This was a stinker folks, and the biggest fart smell on the field was Coach FYC who put up the lowest score of the year. Really, the only thing he could have done worst was not pick FSU in the College Final Four (too soon?) The Black Cats highest scorer was Amon St. Brown who scored 12 points. The Who Dat Nation only sent a starting team of 7, played two mean down and still left the Eagles (DEF) end the game with a -1 score. These two teams showcased the Toilet Bowl with Coach Fuel For Blood running over the Black Cats 107 - 37.


Things were not much better in the all England affair where the Bosses were hosting the Helmand Nighthawks. The Bosses are on the verge of play off contention and needed to ensure they continued their march towards the finals. The Nighthawks drove into town, one of their shortest away trips of the year, refreshed and ready to play and stomped all over the Bosses. This wasn't just a good display, this included the newly added Falcons (DEF) who went out and scored 17 points! The Nighthawks take the win on the short drive home be defeating the Bosses 171-91.


In Texas, The Gins of Hochuli get back to back home games hosting the Australian Taipans. This was looking to be a pivotal divisional match up as the Gunners were still in position with one win over the Taipans already. The Taipans faltered on their previous match up, but would have none of that bull **** this week. It was a strong week for all defensive teams this week as the newly added Chargers (DEF) scored 22 points. Playing without five starters, this was over after the first whistle blew, and the Taipans run out easy winners defeating the Guns of Hochuli 145 - 69.


The final game of the week were the Drunk Monkeys hosting the Banter Brigade. Although sitting at the bottom of the league and facing elimination, the Monkeys came out and showed what they are best damm losing team int he world. The strength of their team came from the dual threat of Derrick Henry (RB) and Joe Nixon (RB). While the Banter brigade had Trevor Lawrence (QB) who had a good week, until he got injured and limped off the field. In a thriller that went into overtime, the Drunk Monkeys narrowly accounted for the Banter Brigade by putting them back on the plan with the long flight home to England. Final score, Drunk Monkeys 130.9 - Banter Brigade 127.04?.


With just two weeks left int he regular season the play off picture is starting to form. The Australian Taipans and the Helmand Nighthawks clinch play off positions, while the Taipans wrap up the Surface Skimmers division. The Nighthawks can wrap up their division with one more win.


At the bottom end of the ladder, the Drunk Monkeys and the Who Dat Nation Rises are eliminated form the playoffs. The Monkeys coming in as the wooden spoon is no surprise, but the fall from dominance by Coach Fuel For Blood and the Nation comes as a surprise.



In the middle its still a battle to see who will take the last two play off positions. The Guns of Hochuli have a one game lead at 8-6 over the Boss team at 7-6. Two games back at 5-8 are the Banter Brigade and the Black Cats - at best, only one of these teams may make the play offs, and there is potential still they may both miss out.


With a potential play off position on the line, next weeks Match of the day is the Banter brigade hosting the Helmand Nighthawks. Both teams need the win, but, only one can have it. The Nighthawks need to win to have a shot at the #1 play off position, the Banter brigade need the win to have a shot at the play offs. This could be a pivotal moment for not only these two teams, but other teams that need help in sorting the play off seeding.


Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

A lot of good performances this week, especially from the dfenec,e but we're goign to go with a more traditional winner. For the effort of 12 receptions 116 yards,, 1 touchdown and 30 rushing yards, for a total of 38.60 points, the Week Thirteen MVT goes to Cee dee Lamb (WR) of the Drunk Monkeys.