The joke thread II - Page 266

Jimbuna · 01-11-23, 05:13 AM

Sometimes I like to use big words I don’t understand to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

Jimbuna · 01-11-23, 05:21 AM

Asked a librarian the other day if she had any books about paranoia.

She whispered: “They’re right behind you.”

Jimbuna · 01-11-23, 02:39 PM

Just seen at idiot in my local gym putting a bottle of water into the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

Jimbuna · 01-11-23, 02:39 PM

Pirate 1: I heard its your 30th birthday today.
Pirate 2: Aye matey.
Pirate 1: Wow, 80, you look a lot younger.

Jimbuna · 01-12-23, 08:26 AM

Me: “Sorry I’m not coming in today. Got chickenpox.”
Boss: “Don’t give me that!”
Me: “I won’t. I’m not coming in.”

Jimbuna · 01-12-23, 08:27 AM

I had a job interview yesterday and I filled my glass of water until it overflowed a little.

The interviewer asked “Are you nervous?”
I replied, “No, I always give 110%.”

Jimbuna · 01-12-23, 01:28 PM

Just found out that I’m colourblind…

The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

Jimbuna · 01-13-23, 03:48 PM

Fun idea. If you have no kids hire a babysitter anyway and tell them the kids are asleep upstairs and not to be disturbed. When you come home ask them why the kids are missing.

Jimbuna · 01-13-23, 03:48 PM

My teacher didn’t believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank.

She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.

Jimbuna · 01-14-23, 06:57 AM

My neighbor Bob went to the doctors.
Bob said that he has hearing problems.
So the doctor said explain your symptoms .
Bob said “Marge has blue hair and Homer is fat.”

Jimbuna · 01-14-23, 06:59 AM

The following conversation took place in the palace of the supreme leader of North Korea.

Kim Jong Un: Nuke the Chinese.
Adviser: No problem your excellency, missiles will be launched in 3 minutes.
Kim Jong Un: I was talking about microwaving some food you idiot.

Jimbuna · 01-15-23, 08:24 AM

Following conversation took place between husband and wife in a cafe.

Husband: I love you.
Wife: Is that you talking or the wine?
Husband: I was talking to the wine.

Jimbuna · 01-15-23, 08:26 AM

First rule of Alzheimer’s Club…
Don’t talk about chess club.

Jimbuna · 01-16-23, 06:26 AM

Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

Jimbuna · 01-16-23, 06:31 AM

It looks like food banks are just as corrupt as normal banks. I deposited a pack of biscuits at my food bank last week and when I went to collect them today they told me they had gone.

01-11-23, 05:13 AM	#3976
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Sometimes I like to use big words I don’t understand to make myself sound more photosynthesis. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-11-23, 05:21 AM	#3977
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Asked a librarian the other day if she had any books about paranoia. She whispered: “They’re right behind you.” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-11-23, 02:39 PM	#3978
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just seen at idiot in my local gym putting a bottle of water into the Pringles holder on the treadmill. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-11-23, 02:39 PM	#3979
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Pirate 1: I heard its your 30th birthday today. Pirate 2: Aye matey. Pirate 1: Wow, 80, you look a lot younger. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-12-23, 08:26 AM	#3980
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Me: “Sorry I’m not coming in today. Got chickenpox.” Boss: “Don’t give me that!” Me: “I won’t. I’m not coming in.” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-12-23, 08:27 AM	#3981
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I had a job interview yesterday and I filled my glass of water until it overflowed a little. The interviewer asked “Are you nervous?” I replied, “No, I always give 110%.” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-12-23, 01:28 PM	#3982
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just found out that I’m colourblind… The diagnosis came completely out of the purple. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-13-23, 03:48 PM	#3983
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Fun idea. If you have no kids hire a babysitter anyway and tell them the kids are asleep upstairs and not to be disturbed. When you come home ask them why the kids are missing. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-13-23, 03:48 PM	#3984
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My teacher didn’t believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank. She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-14-23, 06:57 AM	#3985
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My neighbor Bob went to the doctors. Bob said that he has hearing problems. So the doctor said explain your symptoms . Bob said “Marge has blue hair and Homer is fat.” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-14-23, 06:59 AM	#3986
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	The following conversation took place in the palace of the supreme leader of North Korea. Kim Jong Un: Nuke the Chinese. Adviser: No problem your excellency, missiles will be launched in 3 minutes. Kim Jong Un: I was talking about microwaving some food you idiot. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-15-23, 08:24 AM	#3987
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Following conversation took place between husband and wife in a cafe. Husband: I love you. Wife: Is that you talking or the wine? Husband: I was talking to the wine. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-15-23, 08:26 AM	#3988
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	First rule of Alzheimer’s Club… Don’t talk about chess club. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-16-23, 06:26 AM	#3989
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-16-23, 06:31 AM	#3990
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	It looks like food banks are just as corrupt as normal banks. I deposited a pack of biscuits at my food bank last week and when I went to collect them today they told me they had gone. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)