The joke thread II - Page 264

Jimbuna · 01-01-23, 07:49 AM

Was playing charades last night and my uncle suffered a stroke! Unfortunately it took quite a while to phone an ambulance because we were all shouting “Sylvester Stallone! Sylvester Stallone!”

Aktungbby · 01-01-23, 08:34 PM

"Flat-earth Society members have nothing to sphere but sphere itself..."

Jimbuna · 01-02-23, 08:47 AM

What’s the difference between a candle and a curry?

A candle only burns at one end.

Jimbuna · 01-02-23, 08:48 AM

If I was a teacher I would staple burger king application forms to failed exam tests.

Jimbuna · 01-02-23, 02:20 PM

I heard if you drink every day that means your an alcoholic so I now only drink at night.

Jimbuna · 01-03-23, 06:16 AM

Got an email from a bored housewife the other day looking for ‘some action’ so I decided to send her some of my ironing to keep her busy.

Jimbuna · 01-03-23, 06:17 AM

Have you heard about that new TV program about origami?

It’s paper view.

Platapus · 01-03-23, 04:29 PM

I asked my father if I was adopted

He told me "of course not. What makes you think I would ever voluntarily pick you?"

Jimbuna · 01-04-23, 04:15 AM

My new business on Ebay is a great success. Just sold my homing pigeons for the 17th time in a row!

Jimbuna · 01-04-23, 04:16 AM

Found a leather wallet today and as a good Christian I thought to myself.

“What would Jesus do?”

So I tried to resurrect the cow that the wallet came from.

Jimbuna · 01-04-23, 01:06 PM

Chinese takeaway – £15
Delivery charge – £1
Realising the idiots have forgot one of your containers – Riceless.

Platapus · 01-04-23, 04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

My new business on Ebay is a great success. Just sold my homing pigeons for the 17th time in a row!

Not only that but you were also able to post the same joke three times in this thread!

Ostfriese · 01-04-23, 04:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

Chinese takeaway – £15
Delivery charge – £1
Realising the idiots have forgot one of your containers – Riceless.

You'd have to be quite experienced (didn't want to say "old") to fully understand this one

Platapus · 01-04-23, 04:33 PM

My wife keeps nagging me about my poor sense of direction

I got so sick of it, I packed up my stuff and right.

Jimbuna · 01-05-23, 06:45 AM

What’s a vampires favorite fruit?

A nectarine.

01-01-23, 07:49 AM	#3946
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Was playing charades last night and my uncle suffered a stroke! Unfortunately it took quite a while to phone an ambulance because we were all shouting “Sylvester Stallone! Sylvester Stallone!” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-01-23, 08:34 PM	#3947
Aktungbby Gefallen Engel U-666 Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: On a tilted, overheated, overpopulated spinning mudball on Collision course with Andromeda Galaxy Posts: 27,904 Downloads: 22 Uploads: 0	"Flat-earth Society members have nothing to sphere but sphere itself..." __________________ "Only two things are infinite; The Universe and human squirrelyness; and I'm not too sure about the Universe"

01-02-23, 08:47 AM	#3948
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What’s the difference between a candle and a curry? A candle only burns at one end. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-02-23, 08:48 AM	#3949
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	If I was a teacher I would staple burger king application forms to failed exam tests. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-02-23, 02:20 PM	#3950
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I heard if you drink every day that means your an alcoholic so I now only drink at night. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-03-23, 06:16 AM	#3951
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Got an email from a bored housewife the other day looking for ‘some action’ so I decided to send her some of my ironing to keep her busy. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-03-23, 06:17 AM	#3952
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Have you heard about that new TV program about origami? It’s paper view. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-03-23, 04:29 PM	#3953
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,973 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I asked my father if I was adopted He told me "of course not. What makes you think I would ever voluntarily pick you?" __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-04-23, 04:15 AM	#3954
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My new business on Ebay is a great success. Just sold my homing pigeons for the 17th time in a row! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-04-23, 04:16 AM	#3955
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Found a leather wallet today and as a good Christian I thought to myself. “What would Jesus do?” So I tried to resurrect the cow that the wallet came from. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-04-23, 01:06 PM	#3956
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Chinese takeaway – £15 Delivery charge – £1 Realising the idiots have forgot one of your containers – Riceless. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-04-23, 04:33 PM	#3959
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,973 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	My wife keeps nagging me about my poor sense of direction I got so sick of it, I packed up my stuff and right. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-05-23, 06:45 AM	#3960
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What’s a vampires favorite fruit? A nectarine. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)