The joke thread II - Page 216

Jimbuna · 09-26-21, 07:45 AM

Is there a better way to start your day than waking up in a loving embrace of another human being?

Unless you’re in prison, of course.

Jimbuna · 09-27-21, 01:27 PM

What is the worst combination of illnesses?

Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running, but can’t remember where.

Platapus · 09-27-21, 04:46 PM

Once a friend of mine went to mime school
We never heard from him again

Jimbuna · 09-28-21, 06:00 AM

Sparkly water was invented by the Germans. Who else would think of adding gas?

Jimbuna · 09-29-21, 02:26 PM

A guy asks, “How big do penguins get?”

His colleague says, “Not much bigger than 4 feet.”

The guy scratches his head, “Ok, in that case I guess I ran over a nun on the way to work.”

Jimbuna · 09-30-21, 12:09 PM

Patient: "Doctor! Doctor! Help me - I cannot feel my legs!"

Doctor: "Don’t panic, that’s perfectly normal. It’s because I amputated your arms!"

Catfish · 10-01-21, 04:06 AM

Caring for the environment..

The end of petrol and Diesel cars in the UK was scheduled for 2030.

This has now been brought forward to wednesday.

Jimbuna · 10-01-21, 01:02 PM

Congratulations on your 60th birthday! At last you can live undisturbed by life insurance agents!

Platapus · 10-01-21, 04:50 PM

I just invented a new word
Plagiarism

Jimbuna · 10-02-21, 12:39 PM

When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.

Platapus · 10-03-21, 05:05 AM

Every frozen corpse on Mount Everest was a highly motivated individual who tried to pursue his or her dream.

Something to consider.

Jimbuna · 10-03-21, 09:30 AM

A patient talks to his doctor, “I really can't decide between having this operation or facing certain death without it…”

The doctor tries to help, “You know, with a bit of luck, you could have both.”

Jimbuna · 10-04-21, 01:19 PM

Why did Lisa fall of the swing?

Because she had no arms.

Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Well, not Lisa, that’s for sure.

Platapus · 10-05-21, 03:59 PM

Me at 17 years old...

Me: Mom, I would like to introduce my new girl friend, Mary

Mom: hmmph, you really could not do better than this?

Me: Mom! That's rude!

Mom: I was not talking to you, son.

Jimbuna · 10-06-21, 09:39 AM

I want a divorce!

But you made a vow in the church that we remain together till death do us part.

I guess you are right. Very well, go ahead and drink up the tea I made for you.

09-26-21, 07:45 AM	#3226
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,325 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Is there a better way to start your day than waking up in a loving embrace of another human being? Unless you’re in prison, of course. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-27-21, 01:27 PM	#3227
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,325 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What is the worst combination of illnesses? Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running, but can’t remember where. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-27-21, 04:46 PM	#3228
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,963 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Once a friend of mine went to mime school We never heard from him again __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

09-28-21, 06:00 AM	#3229
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,325 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Sparkly water was invented by the Germans. Who else would think of adding gas? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-29-21, 02:26 PM	#3230
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,325 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A guy asks, “How big do penguins get?” His colleague says, “Not much bigger than 4 feet.” The guy scratches his head, “Ok, in that case I guess I ran over a nun on the way to work.” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-30-21, 12:09 PM	#3231
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,325 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Patient: "Doctor! Doctor! Help me - I cannot feel my legs!" Doctor: "Don’t panic, that’s perfectly normal. It’s because I amputated your arms!" __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-01-21, 04:06 AM	#3232
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,897 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	Caring for the environment.. The end of petrol and Diesel cars in the UK was scheduled for 2030. This has now been brought forward to wednesday. __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

10-01-21, 01:02 PM	#3233
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,325 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Congratulations on your 60th birthday! At last you can live undisturbed by life insurance agents! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-01-21, 04:50 PM	#3234
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,963 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I just invented a new word Plagiarism __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-02-21, 12:39 PM	#3235
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,325 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-03-21, 05:05 AM	#3236
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,963 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Every frozen corpse on Mount Everest was a highly motivated individual who tried to pursue his or her dream. Something to consider. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-03-21, 09:30 AM	#3237
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,325 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A patient talks to his doctor, “I really can't decide between having this operation or facing certain death without it…” The doctor tries to help, “You know, with a bit of luck, you could have both.” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-04-21, 01:19 PM	#3238
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,325 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why did Lisa fall of the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Well, not Lisa, that’s for sure. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-05-21, 03:59 PM	#3239
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,963 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Me at 17 years old... Me: Mom, I would like to introduce my new girl friend, Mary Mom: hmmph, you really could not do better than this? Me: Mom! That's rude! Mom: I was not talking to you, son. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-06-21, 09:39 AM	#3240
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,325 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I want a divorce! But you made a vow in the church that we remain together till death do us part. I guess you are right. Very well, go ahead and drink up the tea I made for you. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)