The joke thread II - Page 137

Jimbuna · 06-29-20, 01:33 PM

Did you hear the latest story about some major tennis players being involved in witchcraft?? Goran, even he’s a witch.

Platapus · 06-29-20, 05:06 PM

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

Platapus · 06-29-20, 05:07 PM

My wife has a face like a saint--a Saint Bernard!

Platapus · 06-29-20, 05:11 PM

My wife and I were trying to quit smoking. So we made a deal, we'd only smoke after sex. I've had the same pack since 2015 - but she's up to three packs a day!

Eisenwurst · 06-30-20, 06:08 AM

Confucius says "Man who stand on toilet high on pot".

Platapus · 06-30-20, 06:13 AM

I once dated this blond girl. She was cute but dumb.

The first time she tried to make French Toast
She got her tongue caught in the toaster.

Platapus · 06-30-20, 07:35 AM

I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.

Platapus · 06-30-20, 07:44 AM

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.

Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

Catfish · 06-30-20, 08:40 AM

News: Nation accidentally elects president with sensible mindset in freak magic catastrophe.

Jimbuna · 06-30-20, 10:18 AM

I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.

Jimbuna · 06-30-20, 10:20 AM

Just had a video chat with an attractive women who said she’ll do anything I want for only £100. She agreed to come to my house tomorrow. Fingers crossed she does a good job repairing my garden fence.

Col7777 · 07-01-20, 06:48 AM

"Shall we adopt another child?" said my wife.

"Yes," I replied, "This one's useless."

Catfish · 07-01-20, 06:52 AM

Wife and i just discussed we do not want to have children.
Tomorrow we'll tell it to the kids.

Jimbuna · 07-01-20, 11:46 AM

Q. What did one saggy boob say to the other?
A. We better get some support, or people are gonna think were nuts.

Jimbuna · 07-01-20, 11:47 AM

Hurry, 100% discount at your local shopping mall!! While stocks last!!

06-29-20, 01:33 PM	#2041
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,305 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Did you hear the latest story about some major tennis players being involved in witchcraft?? Goran, even he’s a witch. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

06-29-20, 05:06 PM	#2042
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,963 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	A hooker once told me she had a headache. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

06-29-20, 05:07 PM	#2043
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,963 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	My wife has a face like a saint--a Saint Bernard! __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

06-29-20, 05:11 PM	#2044
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,963 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	My wife and I were trying to quit smoking. So we made a deal, we'd only smoke after sex. I've had the same pack since 2015 - but she's up to three packs a day! __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

06-30-20, 06:08 AM	#2045
Eisenwurst Silent Hunter Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 3,615 Downloads: 58 Uploads: 0	Confucius says "Man who stand on toilet high on pot". __________________

06-30-20, 06:13 AM	#2046
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,963 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I once dated this blond girl. She was cute but dumb. The first time she tried to make French Toast She got her tongue caught in the toaster. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

06-30-20, 07:35 AM	#2047
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,963 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

06-30-20, 07:44 AM	#2048
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,963 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

06-30-20, 08:40 AM	#2049
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,897 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	News: Nation accidentally elects president with sensible mindset in freak magic catastrophe. __________________ >^..^<)))>{ All generalizations are wrong. Last edited by Catfish; 06-30-20 at 08:49 AM.*

06-30-20, 10:18 AM	#2050
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,305 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

06-30-20, 10:20 AM	#2051
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,305 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just had a video chat with an attractive women who said she’ll do anything I want for only £100. She agreed to come to my house tomorrow. Fingers crossed she does a good job repairing my garden fence. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-01-20, 06:48 AM	#2052
Col7777 Grey Wolf Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Manchester UK Posts: 944 Downloads: 260 Uploads: 0	"Shall we adopt another child?" said my wife. "Yes," I replied, "This one's useless." __________________ Silent and Violent

07-01-20, 06:52 AM	#2053
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,897 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	Wife and i just discussed we do not want to have children. Tomorrow we'll tell it to the kids. __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

07-01-20, 11:46 AM	#2054
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,305 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Q. What did one saggy boob say to the other? A. We better get some support, or people are gonna think were nuts. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-01-20, 11:47 AM	#2055
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,305 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Hurry, 100% discount at your local shopping mall!! While stocks last!! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)