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Old 06-05-20, 07:55 AM   #9061
Von Due
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To the person losing his hearing aid in the street, having a sticker on it with a name and a phone number printed on: What, exactly, did you hope to accomplish there?
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Old 06-05-20, 12:54 PM   #9062
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I burned my Hawaiian pizza today. Should've cooked it on aloha temperature.
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Old 06-06-20, 01:55 PM   #9063
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Sorry I'm late, I got here as soon as I wanted to.
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Old 06-07-20, 01:31 PM   #9064
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Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I'm ducking so it hits someone else.
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Old 06-07-20, 01:59 PM   #9065
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First they said Alcohol could kill this Corona virus
Then they said Smokers was somehow immune
Lately they have said UV could kill this Corona virus.

So if you see me walking around naked, with a cigaret in my mouth and drunk, then take no notice of me..I'm just trying to fight this virus.

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Old 06-07-20, 02:04 PM   #9066
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^ i just realized i will never catch it.
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Old 06-07-20, 11:12 PM   #9067
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So, that's what your neighbors ere complaining about...





<O>
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Old 06-08-20, 06:44 AM   #9068
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I might get a job cleaning mirrors. It's definitely a job I can see myself doing.
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Old 06-08-20, 07:48 AM   #9069
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Can any mirror be sold as new?
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Old 06-08-20, 01:35 PM   #9070
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“Why cant i see my reflection in a mirror”
Stevie wondered
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Old 06-09-20, 02:01 AM   #9071
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^

You know you speak good english in England when no one congratulates you for how good it is.
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Old 06-09-20, 05:25 AM   #9072
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I want to sleep but my brain won't stop talking to itself.
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Old 06-10-20, 01:17 PM   #9073
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That annoying moment when you're texting someone and auto-correct decides to join the conversation.
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Old 06-11-20, 01:37 PM   #9074
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Pro Tip: In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place weiners and/or cheese slices in your pockets so the search dogs can find you first.
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Old 06-12-20, 01:18 PM   #9075
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I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief.
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