The joke thread II - Page 129

Texas Red · 06-08-20, 08:44 AM

How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, they're efficient and not very funny.

Jimbuna · 06-08-20, 01:30 PM

What do you call a female postal worker in china?

Mai Ling

Jimbuna · 06-08-20, 01:31 PM

Threw a lemon into my friends face as a joke last week, he’s quite bitter about it.

Platapus · 06-08-20, 06:34 PM

On my last trip to LA, I thought I saw Ron Jeremy at a gas station

I think it was Ron Jeremy

Before I could get closer for a better look, he had removed the fueling nozzle and was spraying gasoline all over his car.

Platapus · 06-08-20, 06:36 PM

How many USAF Academy graduates does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one. He just holds the light bulb and the whole damn Air Force revolves around him

Catfish · 06-09-20, 01:58 AM

The United Nations initiated a poll with the request, "Please tell us your honest opinion about the lack of food in the rest of the world."
The poll was a total failure.
The Russians did not understand "Please".
The Italians did not know the word "honest".
The Chinese did not know what an "opinion" was.
The Europeans did not know "lack", while the Africans did not know "food".
Finally, the Americans didn't know anything about "the rest of the world".

Catfish · 06-09-20, 03:23 AM

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.

Jimbuna · 06-09-20, 05:13 AM

Don’t know why everyone suddenly thinks North Korea’s leader Kim Jong-Un is crazy. It was obvious after he made that song ‘Gangnam Style’ that something wasn’t quite right with him.

Jimbuna · 06-09-20, 05:15 AM

My friend doesn’t trust me. I told him he could borrow my Microsoft Office 2003 but he said my word wasn’t good enough.

Catfish · 06-09-20, 05:30 AM

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Platapus · 06-09-20, 06:14 AM

Headline: Fruit truck crashes, creates jam.

Col7777 · 06-09-20, 06:55 AM

I have been working in a mirror factory for years now.

It's what I've always seen myself doing.

Catfish · 06-09-20, 07:15 AM

Two men walked into a bar.
The third one ducked.

Catfish · 06-09-20, 07:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by the beast

How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, they're efficient and not very funny.

And how many Americans does it take?
"Hundreds of thousands because that's how many light bulb changing jobs I am going to create. Probably more. I don't know how many, but it will be yuuuuge. And I'll tell you this, it will be better and cheaper than any light bulb changing you've ever seen. Do you know how many light bulb changing jobs we lost while Obama was in office? Guess! People say at least a million. I say more. But you can bet Crooked Hillary was behind it. I can see her now in court "You had no knowledge of the servers?"... "No, I was busy changing lightbulbs..." And if we had a REAL Attorney General she would be in court..."

Americans screw themselves instead of light bulbs

Catfish · 06-09-20, 07:24 AM

What’s the difference between a police officer and a bullet?
When a bullet kills someone else, you know it’s been fired.

06-08-20, 08:44 AM	#1921
Texas Red Fastest Gun Around Join Date: Aug 2019 Location: Agua Fira, New Mexico Posts: 2,376 Downloads: 527 Uploads: 5	How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, they're efficient and not very funny. __________________ There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure. — Colin Powell I'm not very active on the forums anymore. If you have a question, please DM me and I'll respond ASAP!

06-08-20, 01:30 PM	#1922
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,333 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What do you call a female postal worker in china? Mai Ling __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

06-08-20, 01:31 PM	#1923
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,333 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Threw a lemon into my friends face as a joke last week, he’s quite bitter about it. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

06-08-20, 06:34 PM	#1924
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,963 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	On my last trip to LA, I thought I saw Ron Jeremy at a gas station I think it was Ron Jeremy Before I could get closer for a better look, he had removed the fueling nozzle and was spraying gasoline all over his car. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

06-08-20, 06:36 PM	#1925
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,963 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	How many USAF Academy graduates does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only one. He just holds the light bulb and the whole damn Air Force revolves around him __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

06-09-20, 01:58 AM	#1926
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,897 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	The United Nations initiated a poll with the request, "Please tell us your honest opinion about the lack of food in the rest of the world." The poll was a total failure. The Russians did not understand "Please". The Italians did not know the word "honest". The Chinese did not know what an "opinion" was. The Europeans did not know "lack", while the Africans did not know "food". Finally, the Americans didn't know anything about "the rest of the world". __________________ >^..^<)))>{ All generalizations are wrong. Last edited by Catfish; 06-09-20 at 03:21 AM.*

06-09-20, 03:23 AM	#1927
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,897 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

06-09-20, 05:13 AM	#1928
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,333 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Don’t know why everyone suddenly thinks North Korea’s leader Kim Jong-Un is crazy. It was obvious after he made that song ‘Gangnam Style’ that something wasn’t quite right with him. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

06-09-20, 05:15 AM	#1929
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,333 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My friend doesn’t trust me. I told him he could borrow my Microsoft Office 2003 but he said my word wasn’t good enough. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

06-09-20, 05:30 AM	#1930
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,897 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	A dyslexic man walks into a bra. __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

06-09-20, 06:14 AM	#1931
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,963 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Headline: Fruit truck crashes, creates jam. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

06-09-20, 06:55 AM	#1932
Col7777 Grey Wolf Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Manchester UK Posts: 944 Downloads: 260 Uploads: 0	I have been working in a mirror factory for years now. It's what I've always seen myself doing. __________________ Silent and Violent

06-09-20, 07:15 AM	#1933
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,897 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	Two men walked into a bar. The third one ducked. __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

06-09-20, 07:24 AM	#1935
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,897 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	What’s the difference between a police officer and a bullet? When a bullet kills someone else, you know it’s been fired. __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.