The joke thread II - Page 255

Platapus · 11-03-22, 04:32 PM

The host of another costume party texted me wondering why I didn't show up.

"I came as a hypnotist"

"I don't remember seeing you at the party"

Thank you, I take that as a complement.

Jimbuna · 11-04-22, 04:57 AM

Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.

Jimbuna · 11-05-22, 12:45 PM

I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.

Jimbuna · 11-06-22, 07:26 AM

Just had a video chat with an attractive women who said she’ll do anything I want for only $100. She agreed to come to my house tomorrow. Fingers crossed she does a good job repairing my garden fence.

Jimbuna · 11-06-22, 01:51 PM

This is the first year I can’t have a summer holiday in the Bahamas because of Covid19. I normally can’t have a holiday in the Bahamas because I’m too poor.

Jimbuna · 11-07-22, 10:38 AM

Just had the following conversation with my wife.

Wife: Can’t believe how much weight I’ve gained since lockdown.
Me: You haven’t gained that much weight. Come on… chin up. No, the other one.

Jimbuna · 11-08-22, 08:03 AM

Yo mama so stupid…

She even failed her blood test!

Jimbuna · 11-08-22, 02:07 PM

Things that can drive wife crazy during lockdown:

-Not saying sorry
-Saying sorry and not meaning it
-Saying sorry
-Not saying anything
-Saying anything
-Breathing!!

Jimbuna · 11-09-22, 09:04 AM

Jimbuna · 11-09-22, 01:57 PM

Jimbuna · 11-10-22, 05:36 AM

Discovered yesterday I have liftophobia, fear of lifts. I’m taking steps to avoid them.

Jimbuna · 11-10-22, 02:18 PM

My wife asked me, “What did you buy me for valentines day?”
“Well,” I chuckled. “You see that pink Mercedes over there?”
“Yes,” she said happily.
“Well I bought you a toothbrush the same colour.”

Platapus · 11-10-22, 03:27 PM

I was worried that my Girlfriend gave me a case of crabs.

My doctor gave me the good news that after the exam he could only find 23.

Jimbuna · 11-11-22, 07:58 AM

Wife’s really angry tonight complaining I never buy her flowers!

Didn’t even realise she sold flowers.

Platapus · 11-11-22, 08:07 AM

A friend and I like to try new foods, especially ones prepared differently

You could say we are Taste Buds

11-03-22, 04:32 PM	#3811
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,963 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	The host of another costume party texted me wondering why I didn't show up. "I came as a hypnotist" "I don't remember seeing you at the party" Thank you, I take that as a complement. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

11-04-22, 04:57 AM	#3812
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,305 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

11-05-22, 12:45 PM	#3813
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,305 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

11-06-22, 07:26 AM	#3814
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,305 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just had a video chat with an attractive women who said she’ll do anything I want for only $100. She agreed to come to my house tomorrow. Fingers crossed she does a good job repairing my garden fence. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

11-06-22, 01:51 PM	#3815
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,305 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	This is the first year I can’t have a summer holiday in the Bahamas because of Covid19. I normally can’t have a holiday in the Bahamas because I’m too poor. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

11-07-22, 10:38 AM	#3816
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,305 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just had the following conversation with my wife. Wife: Can’t believe how much weight I’ve gained since lockdown. Me: You haven’t gained that much weight. Come on… chin up. No, the other one. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

11-08-22, 08:03 AM	#3817
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,305 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Yo mama so stupid… She even failed her blood test! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

11-08-22, 02:07 PM	#3818
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,305 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Things that can drive wife crazy during lockdown: -Not saying sorry -Saying sorry and not meaning it -Saying sorry -Not saying anything -Saying anything -Breathing!! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

11-09-22, 09:04 AM	#3819
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,305 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	__________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

11-09-22, 01:57 PM	#3820
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,305 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	__________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

11-10-22, 05:36 AM	#3821
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,305 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Discovered yesterday I have liftophobia, fear of lifts. I’m taking steps to avoid them. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

11-10-22, 02:18 PM	#3822
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,305 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My wife asked me, “What did you buy me for valentines day?” “Well,” I chuckled. “You see that pink Mercedes over there?” “Yes,” she said happily. “Well I bought you a toothbrush the same colour.” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

11-10-22, 03:27 PM	#3823
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,963 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I was worried that my Girlfriend gave me a case of crabs. My doctor gave me the good news that after the exam he could only find 23. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

11-11-22, 07:58 AM	#3824
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,305 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Wife’s really angry tonight complaining I never buy her flowers! Didn’t even realise she sold flowers. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

11-11-22, 08:07 AM	#3825
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,963 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	A friend and I like to try new foods, especially ones prepared differently You could say we are Taste Buds __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.