The joke thread II - Page 337

Aktungbby · 02-10-24, 11:28 AM

/\ "U idiot!" Jimbuna replied; "for daughters, U always use a mangonel!"

Jimbuna · 02-10-24, 12:31 PM

I was at a restaurant and I noticed my waitress had a black eye. So I ordered very sloooowly because obviously she doesn't listen.

Jimbuna · 02-11-24, 10:51 AM

I just researched my family tree and discovered that I am the sap!

Platapus · 02-11-24, 01:10 PM

“I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing.

Except at a funeral.

Jimbuna · 02-11-24, 02:07 PM

What did one squirrel say to the other? Come around the tree and I'll show you my nuts.

Jeff-Groves · 02-11-24, 03:12 PM

I interviewed for a job when they asked the question.
"What steps would you take in case of a fire?"

Apparently "Big freaking ones!" Was the wrong answer.

Jimbuna · 02-12-24, 07:46 AM

Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Platapus · 02-12-24, 03:03 PM

I told myself I needed to stop drinking so much.

But I’m not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to themselfs.

Jimbuna · 02-13-24, 09:44 AM

What does a 75-year-old woman have between her breasts that a 25-year-old doesn't? Her navel.

Jimbuna · 02-13-24, 11:48 AM

Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?

Platapus · 02-13-24, 11:57 AM

Why are friends a lot like snow?

If you pee on them, they disappear.

of course that depends on the friend.

Jimbuna · 02-14-24, 10:43 AM

How are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

Jimbuna · 02-14-24, 02:13 PM

The Titanic was built to last, let that sink in.

Jimbuna · 02-15-24, 10:07 AM

If a professional piano player is pianist, is a professional race car driver racist? And what about people who make rap music?

Jeff-Groves · 02-15-24, 02:44 PM

A burglar broke in my house last night but I knew exactly what to do.
I grabbed my laser pointer and aimed it at his forehead.
My 3 cats took care of the rest.
The Doctors say he should survive.

02-10-24, 11:28 AM	#5041
Aktungbby Gefallen Engel U-666 Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: On a tilted, overheated, overpopulated spinning mudball on Collision course with Andromeda Galaxy Posts: 27,870 Downloads: 22 Uploads: 0	'Torsion' of kids! /\ "U idiot!" Jimbuna replied; "for daughters, U always use a mangonel!" __________________ "Only two things are infinite; The Universe and human squirrelyness; and I'm not too sure about the Universe"

02-10-24, 12:31 PM	#5042
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I was at a restaurant and I noticed my waitress had a black eye. So I ordered very sloooowly because obviously she doesn't listen. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-11-24, 10:51 AM	#5043
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I just researched my family tree and discovered that I am the sap! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-11-24, 01:10 PM	#5044
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,957 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	“I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

02-11-24, 02:07 PM	#5045
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What did one squirrel say to the other? Come around the tree and I'll show you my nuts. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-11-24, 03:12 PM	#5046
Jeff-Groves Village Idiot Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 5,319 Downloads: 130 Uploads: 0	I interviewed for a job when they asked the question. "What steps would you take in case of a fire?" Apparently "Big freaking ones!" Was the wrong answer. __________________ I don't do Stupid. So don't ask.

02-12-24, 07:46 AM	#5047
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-12-24, 03:03 PM	#5048
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,957 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I told myself I needed to stop drinking so much. But I’m not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to themselfs. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

02-13-24, 09:44 AM	#5049
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What does a 75-year-old woman have between her breasts that a 25-year-old doesn't? Her navel. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-13-24, 11:48 AM	#5050
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-13-24, 11:57 AM	#5051
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,957 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Why are friends a lot like snow? If you pee on them, they disappear. of course that depends on the friend. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

02-14-24, 10:43 AM	#5052
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	How are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-14-24, 02:13 PM	#5053
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	The Titanic was built to last, let that sink in. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-15-24, 10:07 AM	#5054
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	If a professional piano player is pianist, is a professional race car driver racist? And what about people who make rap music? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-15-24, 02:44 PM	#5055
Jeff-Groves Village Idiot Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 5,319 Downloads: 130 Uploads: 0	A burglar broke in my house last night but I knew exactly what to do. I grabbed my laser pointer and aimed it at his forehead. My 3 cats took care of the rest. The Doctors say he should survive. __________________ I don't do Stupid. So don't ask.