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Old 05-15-20, 10:18 AM   #9031
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You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes, and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
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Old 05-16-20, 04:31 AM   #9032
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Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it.
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Old 05-17-20, 01:53 PM   #9033
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I welcome change as long as nothing is altered or different than before.
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Old 05-17-20, 01:58 PM   #9034
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Patriotism is fundamentally the basic concept that your country is the most wonderful on the planet 'cause you were born in it! occasionally offset by: "people vote with their feet"
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Old 05-18-20, 01:36 PM   #9035
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In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency notify:"I put "Doctor."
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Old 05-18-20, 01:37 PM   #9036
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There are two basic voting rules.

1. Voters shall have the right to unrestricted complain forever
2. Voters shall have total liability. A voters action shall never be questioned.

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Old 05-19-20, 04:11 AM   #9037
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I thought I wanted a career. Turns out all I wanted is paychecks.
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Old 05-19-20, 10:44 AM   #9038
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We never really grow up; we just learn how to act in public.
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Old 05-19-20, 08:27 PM   #9039
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By the time a man realizes daddy was right, he has a son who thinks he's all wrong.
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Old 05-20-20, 07:28 AM   #9040
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Ancient Egyptians used to worship cats and write on walls, a practice we still continue to do today on the Internet.
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Old 05-20-20, 01:29 PM   #9041
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Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
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Old 05-20-20, 08:46 PM   #9042
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The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us!
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Old 05-21-20, 06:19 AM   #9043
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The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withstand tremendous boredom."
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Old 05-22-20, 01:30 PM   #9044
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If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's counseling; if you can use either one, it's a miracle.
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Old 05-22-20, 04:13 PM   #9045
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Never, under any circumstances, take a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night!
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