The joke thread II - Page 103

Eisenwurst · 02-08-20, 10:11 PM

Why did Mickey Mouse leave home ?

'Cause he couldn't stand his Old Cheese.

Jimbuna · 02-09-20, 05:20 AM

I’ve decided to start an educational campaign to tell people about the health benefits of eating dried grapes.

It’s all about raisin awareness.

Jimbuna · 02-09-20, 05:21 AM

Q. How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb.
A. None because they never get the house.

Jimbuna · 02-10-20, 11:49 AM

They told me I’d never be good at Poetry because I’m dyslexic.

So far I’ve made 2 Vases, a Jug and a teapot.

Jimbuna · 02-10-20, 11:51 AM

Girl at the RyanAir check-in just told me “window or aisle”.

I replied “Window or you’ll what?”.

Jimbuna · 02-11-20, 03:12 PM

My wife suggested we should try some role reversal in bed so I told her I have a headache.

Jimbuna · 02-11-20, 03:14 PM

Just after my wife had given birth, I asked the doctor, “How soon do you think we’ll be able to have sex?”

He winked at me and said “Well, I’m off duty in ten minutes, meet me in the car park.”

Jimbuna · 02-12-20, 12:57 PM

Heard on the news that the worlds oldest man died earlier today. Why does this keep happening?

Jimbuna · 02-12-20, 12:57 PM

When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking.

And then I saw her face.

Jeff-Groves · 02-12-20, 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking.

And then I saw her face. Now I'm a believer!

Fixed that for you.

Catfish · 02-12-20, 03:16 PM

Nigel Farage goes into his pub and asks for a pint.

The barman draws it & throws it into his face.

“Why did you do that?” Nigel asks.

“'You asked for a pint,” the barman says. “But you didn't say how you wanted it delivered.”

Farage replies: “Okay, I’ll have a pint in a pint glass”

“No. You can't ask again.,” the barman says.

“Why not?” Farage asks.

“Democracy,” the barman replies.

Eisenwurst · 02-13-20, 04:07 AM

I actually saw this.

Outside a church there was a noticeboard. On it the priest had written :- "Let Jesus fix it".

Underneath some wag had dumped a broken tv.

Catfish · 02-13-20, 09:15 AM

^ i would closely watch the outcome. If it works, call me!

Jimbuna · 02-13-20, 02:06 PM

Just been ripped off by the guy who works at my local Chinese hardware store.
The pan he sold me doesn’t fly at all.

Jimbuna · 02-13-20, 02:07 PM

1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance …

The 5 stages of buying car insurance.

02-08-20, 10:11 PM	#1531
Eisenwurst Silent Hunter Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 3,613 Downloads: 58 Uploads: 0	Why did Mickey Mouse leave home ? 'Cause he couldn't stand his Old Cheese. __________________

02-09-20, 05:20 AM	#1532
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,240 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I’ve decided to start an educational campaign to tell people about the health benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-09-20, 05:21 AM	#1533
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,240 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Q. How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb. A. None because they never get the house. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-10-20, 11:49 AM	#1534
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,240 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	They told me I’d never be good at Poetry because I’m dyslexic. So far I’ve made 2 Vases, a Jug and a teapot. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-10-20, 11:51 AM	#1535
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,240 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Girl at the RyanAir check-in just told me “window or aisle”. I replied “Window or you’ll what?”. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-11-20, 03:12 PM	#1536
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,240 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My wife suggested we should try some role reversal in bed so I told her I have a headache. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-11-20, 03:14 PM	#1537
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,240 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just after my wife had given birth, I asked the doctor, “How soon do you think we’ll be able to have sex?” He winked at me and said “Well, I’m off duty in ten minutes, meet me in the car park.” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-12-20, 12:57 PM	#1538
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,240 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Heard on the news that the worlds oldest man died earlier today. Why does this keep happening? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-12-20, 12:57 PM	#1539
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,240 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-12-20, 03:16 PM	#1541
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,897 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	Nigel Farage goes into his pub and asks for a pint. The barman draws it & throws it into his face. “Why did you do that?” Nigel asks. “'You asked for a pint,” the barman says. “But you didn't say how you wanted it delivered.” Farage replies: “Okay, I’ll have a pint in a pint glass” “No. You can't ask again.,” the barman says. “Why not?” Farage asks. “Democracy,” the barman replies. __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

02-13-20, 04:07 AM	#1542
Eisenwurst Silent Hunter Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 3,613 Downloads: 58 Uploads: 0	I actually saw this. Outside a church there was a noticeboard. On it the priest had written :- "Let Jesus fix it". Underneath some wag had dumped a broken tv. __________________

02-13-20, 09:15 AM	#1543
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,897 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	^ i would closely watch the outcome. If it works, call me! __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

02-13-20, 02:06 PM	#1544
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,240 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just been ripped off by the guy who works at my local Chinese hardware store. The pan he sold me doesn’t fly at all. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

02-13-20, 02:07 PM	#1545
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,240 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance … The 5 stages of buying car insurance. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)