The joke thread II

[Jimbuna]

A gawky lad from New England came to New York with his girl, and took her to nearby Playland Amusement Park. They had heard a lot about the Tunnel of Love and were especially anxious to try it out. But when they got home, the kids expressed disappointment.

“Shucks,” the boy said, “it was dark and damp and uncomfortable. Besides, we got soaking wet.”

“How come?” asked a friend. “Did the boat leak?”

The kid looked amazed. “There’s a boat?”

[Platapus]

What do you call a bear with no teeth?





A gummy bear.

[Jimbuna]

On a Miami­ to Chicago flight was a lively youngster who nearly drove everyone crazy. He was running up and down the aisle when the flight attendant started serving coffee. He ran smack into her, knocking a cup of coffee out of her hand and onto the floor.

As he stood by watching her clean up the mess, she glanced up at the boy and said, ‘”Look, why don’t you go and play outside?”

[Platapus]

What do you call spaghetti in disguise?





An impasta.

[Jimbuna]

Rushing up to a large airline’s ticket counter, a man gasped, “Miss, please help me. I have to get to Chicago in the worst way!”

The clerk calmly pointed to her left and said, “Sir, that would be the airline next to us.”

[Jimbuna]

Did you hear they arrested the devil? Yeah, they got him on possession.

[Platapus]

What did one hat say to the other?



You go on ahead.

[Jimbuna]

Did you hear the one about the shepherd who drove his sheep through town and was given a ticket for making a ewe turn?

[Platapus]

Someone glued my deck of cards together.



I don't know how to deal with it.

[Jimbuna]

Did you hear the one about the nurse who was chewed out by the doctor because she was absent without gauze?

[Jimbuna]

Did you hear the one about the crustacean accused of promoting his own shellfish interests?

[Platapus]

Did you hear about the guy who stole a calendar?





He got 12 months.

[Jimbuna]

Q: How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, but he has to do it while you are eating dinner.

[Platapus]

How many USAF Academy Graduate fighter pilots does it take to change a light bulb?




Just one. He or she just holds on to it and the whole damn Air Force revolves around them.

[Jimbuna]

“We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle, and if the bottle pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a nickel. By the time I was 14, I owned my own house.”