The joke thread II - Page 342

Platapus · 03-11-24, 02:56 PM

If I’m going to be frank, I’d have to change my name.

Jimbuna · 03-12-24, 04:54 AM

“Your mother has been with us for 20 years,” said John. “Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?”

“My mother?” replied Helen. “I thought she was your mother.”

Jimbuna · 03-12-24, 01:08 PM

Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?

They just wash up on shore.

Platapus · 03-12-24, 04:41 PM

This girl thought she recognized me from the vegetarian club,

but I’ve never met herbivore.

Jimbuna · 03-13-24, 01:48 PM

According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines:

1. What was your income for the year?

2. What were your expenses?

3. How much have you left?

4. Send it in.

Platapus · 03-13-24, 03:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines:

1. What was your income for the year?

2. What were your expenses?

3. How much have you left?

4. Send it in.

In the US, lines 2 and 3 are superfluous.

Thanks for explaining the word ‘many’ .

It means a lot to me.

Jimbuna · 03-14-24, 05:25 AM

One of the oddities of Wall Street is that it is the dealer and not the customer who is called broker.

Platapus · 03-14-24, 03:10 PM

I had a conversation with a dolphin once.

It felt like we really clicked.

Jimbuna · 03-15-24, 10:18 AM

Two Hollywood stars ran into each other at the door of their psychiatrist’s office.

“Hello, there,” said one. “Are you coming or going?”

“If I knew that,” said the other, “I wouldn’t be here.”

Platapus · 03-15-24, 03:35 PM

What do you call a moose with no name? Anony-moose.

Jimbuna · 03-16-24, 05:57 AM

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”

“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”

Platapus · 03-16-24, 11:50 AM

What causes dry skin?

A towel.

Jimbuna · 03-17-24, 09:29 AM

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, “Hey, they named a drink after you!”

“Really?” replies the grasshopper. “There’s a drink named Stan?”

Platapus · 03-17-24, 02:36 PM

What do you call a bug that can't make a decision?

A may-bee.

Jimbuna · 03-17-24, 02:48 PM

A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.

Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”

“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”

03-11-24, 02:56 PM	#5116
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,951 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	If I’m going to be frank, I’d have to change my name. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

03-12-24, 04:54 AM	#5117
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,198 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	“Your mother has been with us for 20 years,” said John. “Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?” “My mother?” replied Helen. “I thought she was your mother.” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-12-24, 01:08 PM	#5118
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,198 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-12-24, 04:41 PM	#5119
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,951 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	This girl thought she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’ve never met herbivore. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

03-13-24, 01:48 PM	#5120
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,198 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines: 1. What was your income for the year? 2. What were your expenses? 3. How much have you left? 4. Send it in. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-14-24, 05:25 AM	#5122
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,198 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	One of the oddities of Wall Street is that it is the dealer and not the customer who is called broker. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-14-24, 03:10 PM	#5123
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,951 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I had a conversation with a dolphin once. It felt like we really clicked. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

03-15-24, 10:18 AM	#5124
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,198 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Two Hollywood stars ran into each other at the door of their psychiatrist’s office. “Hello, there,” said one. “Are you coming or going?” “If I knew that,” said the other, “I wouldn’t be here.” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-15-24, 03:35 PM	#5125
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,951 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	What do you call a moose with no name? Anony-moose. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

03-16-24, 05:57 AM	#5126
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,198 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?” “Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-16-24, 11:50 AM	#5127
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,951 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	What causes dry skin? A towel. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

03-17-24, 09:29 AM	#5128
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,198 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, “Hey, they named a drink after you!” “Really?” replies the grasshopper. “There’s a drink named Stan?” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-17-24, 02:36 PM	#5129
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,951 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	What do you call a bug that can't make a decision? A may-bee. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

03-17-24, 02:48 PM	#5130
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,198 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings. Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.” “Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)