The joke thread II - Page 98

Eisenwurst · 01-18-20, 05:26 PM

Why does Noddy have a hat with a bell on it?

Because he's a twat.

Eichhörnchen · 01-18-20, 06:06 PM

You're gonna get busted

Aktungbby · 01-18-20, 10:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

I got a job as a bounty hunter in China.

Couldn’t believe my luck, every time they put a new wanted poster up, the guy they were after was standing right next to me!

'pears you've stayed too long; your eyes have gotten slitty

Eisenwurst · 01-18-20, 10:06 PM

The English language is constantly evolving. What is perfectly acceptable in some countries is not in others.

For instance - the word "fanny". In America it's perfectly acceptable and is seen even on Sesame Street, but in Australia the same word is borderline obscene and never used in polite conversation.

The word "twat" is used everyday in conversational English down here and not a murmur is raised.

To Noddy fans I apologise if offense was caused.

Eisenwurst · 01-18-20, 10:29 PM

Why did Mickey Mouse leave home?

Cause his dad was a rat.

Aktungbby · 01-18-20, 11:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eisenwurst

The word "twat" is used everyday in conversational English down here and not a murmur is raised.

To Noddy fans I apologise if offense was caused.

Twat's that you say! ? Fanny is a given name here in the states: and Europe and of course in Rugby I oft landed on my...fanny!.

Eisenwurst · 01-19-20, 01:50 AM

In Australia "fanny" is a crude term for vagina.

Jokes will resume after a short break.

Eisenwurst · 01-19-20, 04:43 AM

At the zoo the other day, I saw a baguette in a cage.

The zookeeper said it was "bread in captivity".

Eichhörnchen · 01-19-20, 07:27 AM

At a nightclub a man stands with his wife watching a bloke giving it large on the dance floor, busting all the moves just like John Travolta, only better

Wife says: "25 years ago that guy asked me to marry him and I turned him down"

Husband replies: "Looks like he's still celebrating"

Jimbuna · 01-19-20, 08:30 AM

Q. Why do birds always sing in the morning?
A. Because they don’t have to go to work!!

Jimbuna · 01-19-20, 08:31 AM

The Irish government has recently announced that they are going to save money on lollipop men and women by moving schools to the other side of the road.

Eisenwurst · 01-19-20, 04:56 PM

Who was the first Rocker?

Moses.

Why?

Cause "his Triumph was heard throughout the land."

Eisenwurst · 01-19-20, 05:03 PM

How many Mods does it take to change a light bulb?

100. One stands on a chair to change the bulb and the other 99 say "Na, I prefer the original".

Aktungbby · 01-19-20, 05:11 PM

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving; you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

Jimbuna · 01-20-20, 07:22 AM

Money Saving Tips

Don’t waste money on an electric toothbrush. Simply sellotape a manual toothbrush to your iPhone and set it to vibrate, then get your mum to call you every time you need to brush your teeth.

01-18-20, 05:26 PM	#1456
Eisenwurst Silent Hunter Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 3,803 Downloads: 58 Uploads: 0	Why does Noddy have a hat with a bell on it? Because he's a twat. __________________

01-18-20, 06:06 PM	#1457
Eichhörnchen Starte das Auto Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: The Fens Posts: 17,495 Downloads: 5 Uploads: 0	You're gonna get busted __________________

01-18-20, 10:06 PM	#1459
Eisenwurst Silent Hunter Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 3,803 Downloads: 58 Uploads: 0	The English language is constantly evolving. What is perfectly acceptable in some countries is not in others. For instance - the word "fanny". In America it's perfectly acceptable and is seen even on Sesame Street, but in Australia the same word is borderline obscene and never used in polite conversation. The word "twat" is used everyday in conversational English down here and not a murmur is raised. To Noddy fans I apologise if offense was caused. __________________

01-18-20, 10:29 PM	#1460
Eisenwurst Silent Hunter Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 3,803 Downloads: 58 Uploads: 0	Why did Mickey Mouse leave home? Cause his dad was a rat. __________________

01-19-20, 01:50 AM	#1462
Eisenwurst Silent Hunter Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 3,803 Downloads: 58 Uploads: 0	In Australia "fanny" is a crude term for vagina. Jokes will resume after a short break. __________________

01-19-20, 04:43 AM	#1463
Eisenwurst Silent Hunter Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 3,803 Downloads: 58 Uploads: 0	At the zoo the other day, I saw a baguette in a cage. The zookeeper said it was "bread in captivity". __________________

01-19-20, 07:27 AM	#1464
Eichhörnchen Starte das Auto Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: The Fens Posts: 17,495 Downloads: 5 Uploads: 0	At a nightclub a man stands with his wife watching a bloke giving it large on the dance floor, busting all the moves just like John Travolta, only better Wife says: "25 years ago that guy asked me to marry him and I turned him down" Husband replies: "Looks like he's still celebrating" __________________

01-19-20, 08:30 AM	#1465
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,315 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Q. Why do birds always sing in the morning? A. Because they don’t have to go to work!! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

01-19-20, 08:31 AM	#1466
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,315 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	The Irish government has recently announced that they are going to save money on lollipop men and women by moving schools to the other side of the road. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

01-19-20, 04:56 PM	#1467
Eisenwurst Silent Hunter Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 3,803 Downloads: 58 Uploads: 0	Who was the first Rocker? Moses. Why? Cause "his Triumph was heard throughout the land." __________________

01-19-20, 05:03 PM	#1468
Eisenwurst Silent Hunter Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 3,803 Downloads: 58 Uploads: 0	How many Mods does it take to change a light bulb? 100. One stands on a chair to change the bulb and the other 99 say "Na, I prefer the original". __________________

01-19-20, 05:11 PM	#1469
Aktungbby Gefallen Engel U-666 Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: On a tilted, overheated, overpopulated spinning mudball on Collision course with Andromeda Galaxy Posts: 30,140 Downloads: 24 Uploads: 0	You don't need a parachute to go skydiving; you need a parachute to go skydiving twice. __________________ "Only two things are infinite; The Universe and human squirrelyness?!!

01-20-20, 07:22 AM	#1470
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,315 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Money Saving Tips Don’t waste money on an electric toothbrush. Simply sellotape a manual toothbrush to your iPhone and set it to vibrate, then get your mum to call you every time you need to brush your teeth. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!