The joke thread II - Page 90

Jimbuna · 11-27-19, 06:52 AM

My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some road-kill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.

Jimbuna · 11-28-19, 07:13 AM

I’ll never understand how you can come up second in a biathlon. I mean – you’ve got a gun, haven’t you?!

Jimbuna · 11-28-19, 07:15 AM

A man wakes from a coma. The wife changes out of her black clothes and irritated, remarks, "I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!"

Jimbuna · 11-29-19, 07:16 AM

Patient: "Doctor! Doctor! Help me - I cannot feel my legs!"

Doctor: "Don’t panic, that’s perfectly normal. It’s because I amputated your arms!"

Jimbuna · 11-29-19, 07:19 AM

A meeting of the “Castrated Anonymous”

High-pitched male voice: "Welcome. I hope you all arrived safe and sound."

Deep male voice: "Yes."

High-pitched male voice: "You in the second row, please leave the room right now."

Jimbuna · 11-30-19, 07:51 AM

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale.

Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest.

Jimbuna · 11-30-19, 07:52 AM

What animal has five legs?

A pitbull returning from a playground.

Jimbuna · 12-01-19, 08:32 AM

The doctor gave me one year to live. So in the heat of the moment, I shot him. And the judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.

Jimbuna · 12-01-19, 08:34 AM

Excuse me, how do I get to the hospital quickly?

Just stand in the middle of the road for a while.

Jimbuna · 12-02-19, 10:51 AM

A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken.

The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, “Nothing special really... We just tell them they're going to die...”

Jimbuna · 12-02-19, 10:52 AM

I took my wife’s family out for biscuits and tea.

They weren’t very happy about having to donate blood though.

Jimbuna · 12-03-19, 07:44 AM

A doctor tells a patient: “I’ve a good and a bad news for you. Which do you want to hear first?”

Patient: “Oh no. The bad one, please.”

Doctor: “It appears I amputated the wrong foot, sorry.”

Patient: “And the good one?” asks the shaken patient.

Doctor grins: “There’s a guy who’s very interested in buying your shoes!”

Jimbuna · 12-03-19, 07:45 AM

Why did Lisa fall of the swing?

Because she had no arms.

Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Well, not Lisa, that’s for sure.

Jimbuna · 12-04-19, 07:36 AM

A chubbier woman: Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?

Mirror: “Kindly move aside. I can’t see anything.”

Jimbuna · 12-04-19, 07:38 AM

Doctor: And how is it going with your old ailment, Mr Smith?

Patient: Very well, I’ve been divorced for half a year now.

11-27-19, 06:52 AM	#1336
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,203 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some road-kill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

11-28-19, 07:13 AM	#1337
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,203 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I’ll never understand how you can come up second in a biathlon. I mean – you’ve got a gun, haven’t you?! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

11-28-19, 07:15 AM	#1338
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,203 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A man wakes from a coma. The wife changes out of her black clothes and irritated, remarks, "I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!" __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

11-29-19, 07:16 AM	#1339
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,203 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Patient: "Doctor! Doctor! Help me - I cannot feel my legs!" Doctor: "Don’t panic, that’s perfectly normal. It’s because I amputated your arms!" __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

11-29-19, 07:19 AM	#1340
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,203 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A meeting of the “Castrated Anonymous” High-pitched male voice: "Welcome. I hope you all arrived safe and sound." Deep male voice: "Yes." High-pitched male voice: "You in the second row, please leave the room right now." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

11-30-19, 07:51 AM	#1341
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,203 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

11-30-19, 07:52 AM	#1342
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,203 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-01-19, 08:32 AM	#1343
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,203 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	The doctor gave me one year to live. So in the heat of the moment, I shot him. And the judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-01-19, 08:34 AM	#1344
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,203 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Excuse me, how do I get to the hospital quickly? Just stand in the middle of the road for a while. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-02-19, 10:51 AM	#1345
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,203 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken. The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, “Nothing special really... We just tell them they're going to die...” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-02-19, 10:52 AM	#1346
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,203 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I took my wife’s family out for biscuits and tea. They weren’t very happy about having to donate blood though. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-03-19, 07:44 AM	#1347
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,203 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A doctor tells a patient: “I’ve a good and a bad news for you. Which do you want to hear first?” Patient: “Oh no. The bad one, please.” Doctor: “It appears I amputated the wrong foot, sorry.” Patient: “And the good one?” asks the shaken patient. Doctor grins: “There’s a guy who’s very interested in buying your shoes!” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-03-19, 07:45 AM	#1348
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,203 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why did Lisa fall of the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Well, not Lisa, that’s for sure. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-04-19, 07:36 AM	#1349
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,203 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A chubbier woman: Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all? Mirror: “Kindly move aside. I can’t see anything.” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-04-19, 07:38 AM	#1350
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,203 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Doctor: And how is it going with your old ailment, Mr Smith? Patient: Very well, I’ve been divorced for half a year now. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!