The joke thread - Page 73

Jimbuna · 11-28-11, 12:58 PM

I saw a headline on teletext this afternoon, "World of football in a state of shock and disbelief".

For a minute, I thought Heskey had scored.

Sailor Steve · 11-28-11, 01:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frau kaleun

Here's one I hadn't heard in a while...

"So a linkspammer walks into a joke thread..."

Best post of the thread.

Onkel Neal · 11-28-11, 06:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frau kaleun

Here's one I hadn't heard in a while...

"So a linkspammer walks into a joke thread..."

Wow, that's rare these days, good catch!

frau kaleun · 11-28-11, 06:39 PM

I think it was the "my dear BossMark" part that gave it away, because: no.

J/K BossMark, u r cool in my book!

BossMark · 11-29-11, 04:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimbuna

I saw a headline on teletext this afternoon, "World of football in a state of shock and disbelief".

For a minute, I thought Heskey had scored.

Or sir complain a lot had said "the referee and his assistants had a good game today"

Thanks Frau Kaleun for the nice comment

Jimbuna · 11-29-11, 06:54 AM

I once put my name and address in a bottle and threw it into the sea.

10 years later I got a letter from someone in Australia.

It's a fine from their government for littering Sydney beach.

BossMark · 11-29-11, 07:51 AM

I arrived in Australia after a long hard flight and the man in Passport Control pulled me over."Alright can I check your passport?" PC Shayne said.Knackered and needing sleep I just grunted "yup"PC Shayne took this as rudeness from a Pom and went into overdrive "Alright Mate, have you got a criminal record?"I replied "I did not realise it was mandatory any longer!"I have just been released!

Herr-Berbunch · 11-29-11, 08:04 AM

Am I missing something with this linkspammer thing?

Ladies - the next time your fella texts you and says 'I want to kick your puppy', don't call animal welfare, just teach him how to correctly use predictive text.

frau kaleun · 11-29-11, 08:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Herr-Berbunch

Am I missing something with this linkspammer thing?

There was a spam post just before my "So a linkspammer walks into a joke thread" comment. The spammer was brigged and his post has since been deleted.

Jimbuna · 11-29-11, 10:07 AM

I told the Ringmaster of my circus that I was leaving my job as the human cannonball.

"A shame" he said. "Where will I find a man of your calibre?"

Sailor Steve · 11-29-11, 10:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Herr-Berbunch

Ladies - the next time your fella texts you and says 'I want to kick your puppy', don't call animal welfare, just teach him how to correctly use predictive text.

See post #1068, previous page.

Jimbuna · 11-29-11, 11:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

See post #1068, previous page.

Quote:

my wife asked me to go to the doctors and get something to help us with my sex drive....
You should have seen the look on her face when i handed her some slimming tablets

...

I'm missing something fundamentally obvious here....aren't I?

A Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks 'Why in the world are you walking around like this?'
The cowboy says, 'Well it's like this Sheriff ....
I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.
We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt... So I did.
Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants... So I did.

Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts...so I did.

Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now go to town cowboy.. '

'And here I am.'

Son of a Gun. Blonde Men do exist

Herr-Berbunch · 11-29-11, 11:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

See post #1068, previous page.

1078

Oops, sorry. Shall not do it again!

Sailor Steve · 11-29-11, 12:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Herr-Berbunch

1078

Well, for D'OH's sake! I are NOT drain-bamaged!

BossMark · 11-29-11, 12:19 PM

I was in the shopping centre this morning when a man approached me, collecting for Alzhiemer"s.
I said, "I"ve already given - don"t you remember?"

11-28-11, 12:58 PM	#1081
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,142 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I saw a headline on teletext this afternoon, "World of football in a state of shock and disbelief". For a minute, I thought Heskey had scored. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

11-29-11, 06:54 AM	#1086
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,142 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I once put my name and address in a bottle and threw it into the sea. 10 years later I got a letter from someone in Australia. It's a fine from their government for littering Sydney beach. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

11-29-11, 07:51 AM	#1087
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I arrived in Australia after a long hard flight and the man in Passport Control pulled me over."Alright can I check your passport?" PC Shayne said.Knackered and needing sleep I just grunted "yup"PC Shayne took this as rudeness from a Pom and went into overdrive "Alright Mate, have you got a criminal record?"I replied "I did not realise it was mandatory any longer!"I have just been released! __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

11-29-11, 08:04 AM	#1088
Herr-Berbunch Kaiser Bill's batman Join Date: May 2010 Location: AN72 Posts: 13,203 Downloads: 76 Uploads: 0	Am I missing something with this linkspammer thing? Ladies - the next time your fella texts you and says 'I want to kick your puppy', don't call animal welfare, just teach him how to correctly use predictive text. __________________

11-29-11, 10:07 AM	#1090
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,142 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I told the Ringmaster of my circus that I was leaving my job as the human cannonball. "A shame" he said. "Where will I find a man of your calibre?" __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

11-28-11, 06:39 PM	#1084
frau kaleun Rear Admiral Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Skyri--oh who are we kidding, I'm probably at Lowe's. Again. Posts: 12,706 Downloads: 168 Uploads: 0	I think it was the "my dear BossMark" part that gave it away, because: no. J/K BossMark, u r cool in my book!

11-29-11, 12:19 PM	#1095
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I was in the shopping centre this morning when a man approached me, collecting for Alzhiemer"s. I said, "I"ve already given - don"t you remember?" __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now