The 'What did you get for Christmas' Thread - Page 5

Platapus · 01-02-10, 08:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jumpy

T... and more importantly, (without her) no future.

A very sad story, but honestly, I am not following the quoted statement.

You do/must/should/will have a future without her. That is simply a fact of life. It sucks that life dealt you a sh1t sandwich with no Miracle Whip, but that's life and why life mostly sucks.

Prioritize your problems. Don't get overwhelmed by the totality of your problems. Life is like eating an elephant -- take it one bite at at time.

Once you got all your faeces collimated, you can then find yourself a nice lady. In England, even if your ex was "one in a million" that means there are almost 30 just like her. LoL.

Good luck with this. Solve the problems.

Skybird · 01-02-10, 09:20 AM

Jumpy,

Platapus has it right in a way, prioritize your problems. The most urgent stuff first. If that is money to pay for your living and your flat, this is priority now.

I know that it is tempting to spend time thinking on her, and "why?" and "where?" and "what have I done?", but if you are not in a position to help, if you have no solid stand of your own, then the intention to help does not change the fact that you cannot help.

You said she suffers from depression and mental disease. Depressive people do not act rationally necessarily. It depends on whether they are in a low, or not. You can form a lot of theories on why she left, and that she meant it well with you or that she hates you, but all this currently will not lead you anywhere. For the time being, she said, she wants you to leave her alone. With the limited options of yours, there speaks nothing against doing right that - for the time being. What the future brings, you do not know, so do not assume that it already is certain. It is not.

Humans love to paint grim or bright pictures of their future, depending on the mood they are in. But that are fantasies only. The reality of the present moment stil is there, and waits for you to deal with it. If you giove up the present for the sake of painting mental images of the future, gloomy or beautiful, you bring yourself into emotional and then material trouble.

If you eventually have followed a practice of meditation in the past, this is not the time to ignore it for the sake of your self-pity, but this is a good time to focus on meditating, and observe your own reactions to this crisis. You could learn a lot from that.

If you have a freind available who has the capability to not just swallow what you feed him with, but to stay neutral and objective, talk with him over it, and let him comment from his perspective as an outsider. If there is no such person available to you, something like Tarot, if eventually you are used to that, also can be a great help and treasurechest of insights, and can help to see an issue from perspectives that before you have not taken note of.

Sorrow you will feel in such times, it will make itself felt all by itself - but you must not intentionally help it. whenever you realise your thoughts have started again to run in circles - interrupt it, and step back from your self.

There is a saying amongst psychologists: "depressions are an infectous disease". Take care! You do not want to get gotcha'd.

Skybird · 01-02-10, 09:32 AM

Oh, and what I got for christmas: a photo book, with truly fantastic photography of folding knifes - knifes of the kind that makes each of them a piece of art - and that due to their prices make most if not all of them unavailable for me.

These things compare to precious handmade collector's watches, or jewelry.

http://www.google.de/imgres?imgurl=h...%26start%3D126

frau kaleun · 01-02-10, 11:40 AM

Jumpy, so sorry to hear about your situation.

To echo what others have said somewhat, you do need to - at some point - get to the place where you can see your future without her, because no matter how it feels right now, you do have one.

That said, it takes time. So let it. Every loss comes with a period of grieving and all the anger, sadness, and other feelings that are a natural part of it, but they are temporary no matter how improbable that seems in the short term.

Throwing things like clinical depression and other mental health issues only makes it more difficult, because a person suffering from those problems can really do a number on you by yanking you back and forth - one day yes, one day no, til you don't know where you stand or what to do or if maybe just letting go and walking away is the only thing you can do to preserve your own sanity. I'll just say, been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, so believe me I feel your pain. And it's really hard because you know that the person doing the yanking is in the midst of their own struggles and really can't do any better by you, even if they want to.

Anyway - nothing here that you can't get from a million other friendly, meddling advice-givers - but do take care of yourself and hang in there.

jumpy · 01-02-10, 02:45 PM

Thanks guys. It is a warm feeling to know that some of you (who I know and others who I haven't really spoken to before) have the time to offer a little bit of your help and advice, even over such an impersonal medium. Even such a small thing has great value placed upon it.

I've been about long enough to know how the world works, for the most part, so I understand what you are saying.

Having to readjust to a totally different life when all of my energies have been focussed in one direction only for the last nine years, is a pretty ****ing big deal, though. That was kind of what I meant with my remarks to the 'future'. Life goes on and all of that. It doesn't really change the way I feel for her... unpleasant as it is, experience tells me that will not ever go away, I'll just eventually get used to living with it, with either greater or lesser success.
I've been out quite a bit over christmas and the new year, so I'm now pretty sick of talking about all of this (though that seems to be all I end up doing)

Today my stress is that come monday I have to get all of my bills sorted, unfortunately because we shared certain financial responsibilities I don't have access to some of the accounts etc - the reason for my problem with BT and my ISP - it will cost 40 quid plus vat to get sorted, and as I do alot of my banking online, jobhunting, social stuff with my friends here in the leicester. So a disconnection, fees and time which I cannot really afford.

However, I cannot talk to any of these services about some of the accounts, as they're not all in my name. And I cannot get hold of her to sort it out, even though we spoke after chrismas day about meeting up in the new year and sorting these things out - conversation was relaxed, calm even, with her asking to meet in the new year.

Most probably I'm worrying over nothing, but the number that she had at her 'new' place is now discontinued and there is no answer to the mobile phone, and without dealing with all of these little utilities issues I cannot start to get myself sorted out and make the decisions about if I can afford to stay here or not; how much will it cost and so on. So I'm already trying to look out for me, trouble is, all of that is still tied to someone else who is very ill - that's another thing I'm very worried about - I know her too well; regardless of us being together or not, such isolation as she has imposed upon herself and I, refusing to have anything to do with her family etc is only going to hurt her further. Though there are those of you who may think 'not your problem anymore mate' it doesn't change the fact that if she can do this to herself, given how well I know her, it means given the right circumstances, she is capable of making herself much worse - I've already had a trip to casualty with her for an overdose of sleeping tablets a month or so back, so you can see my concern.

The clock is ticking, and without having all of the existing bills settled, I will be unable to have some of them reinstated for this address (ie gas electricity and telephone) without the accounts being settled, which I can not even do myself as I don't have access to the account numbers/details to pay them.

The way she has told me she still feels about me is much harder to deal with than any of the bill stuff. Just when you thought everything was going to be ok again, it wasn't.

I've always believed we are only given the things in life that we have the strength to deal with. And, self esteem aside, the only truly important things are the people you choose to have in your life - friends or lovers - everything else is just 'stuff' or material; there's nothing else that has more value in a persons life than those they choose to share it with. It defines many of us beyond doubt.
As such, I've felt that compassion and honour, love and trust, are great strengths of character and not a weakness. Now more than ever, that conviction is being tested beyond reason and my ability to embrace it.

frau kaleun · 01-02-10, 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jumpy

I've always believed we are only given the things in life that we have the strength to deal with. And, self esteem aside, the only truly important things are the people you choose to have in your life - friends or lovers - everything else is just 'stuff' or material; there's nothing else that has more value in a persons life than those they choose to share it with. It defines many of us beyond doubt.
As such, I've felt that compassion and honour, love and trust, are great strengths of character and not a weakness.

Absolutely! And I believe that anyone who lives by those convictions will find it more rewarding than otherwise in the long run. But the going sure does get rough sometimes.

Quote:

Now more than ever, that conviction is being tested beyond reason and my ability to embrace it.

Well, I know it can't help a whole lot with the short term practical difficulties, but I'll certainly keep you and yours in my thoughts with all the good mojo I can muster heading out in your direction. Let us know how you're doing when/if you can.

Jimbuna · 01-02-10, 05:11 PM

Keep yer chin up mate.....hoping you get the outcomes you want

onelifecrisis · 01-02-10, 05:49 PM

I got:

an iPhone (3G 8Gb)
a wrist watch
an electric razor
DiRT for the PC
some iTunes vouchers and some cash

01-02-10, 09:20 AM	#62
Skybird Soaring Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: the mental asylum named Germany Posts: 42,654 Downloads: 10 Uploads: 0	Jumpy, Platapus has it right in a way, prioritize your problems. The most urgent stuff first. If that is money to pay for your living and your flat, this is priority now. I know that it is tempting to spend time thinking on her, and "why?" and "where?" and "what have I done?", but if you are not in a position to help, if you have no solid stand of your own, then the intention to help does not change the fact that you cannot help. You said she suffers from depression and mental disease. Depressive people do not act rationally necessarily. It depends on whether they are in a low, or not. You can form a lot of theories on why she left, and that she meant it well with you or that she hates you, but all this currently will not lead you anywhere. For the time being, she said, she wants you to leave her alone. With the limited options of yours, there speaks nothing against doing right that - for the time being. What the future brings, you do not know, so do not assume that it already is certain. It is not. Humans love to paint grim or bright pictures of their future, depending on the mood they are in. But that are fantasies only. The reality of the present moment stil is there, and waits for you to deal with it. If you giove up the present for the sake of painting mental images of the future, gloomy or beautiful, you bring yourself into emotional and then material trouble. If you eventually have followed a practice of meditation in the past, this is not the time to ignore it for the sake of your self-pity, but this is a good time to focus on meditating, and observe your own reactions to this crisis. You could learn a lot from that. If you have a freind available who has the capability to not just swallow what you feed him with, but to stay neutral and objective, talk with him over it, and let him comment from his perspective as an outsider. If there is no such person available to you, something like Tarot, if eventually you are used to that, also can be a great help and treasurechest of insights, and can help to see an issue from perspectives that before you have not taken note of. Sorrow you will feel in such times, it will make itself felt all by itself - but you must not intentionally help it. whenever you realise your thoughts have started again to run in circles - interrupt it, and step back from your self. There is a saying amongst psychologists: "depressions are an infectous disease". Take care! You do not want to get gotcha'd. __________________ If you feel nuts, consult an expert.

01-02-10, 09:32 AM	#63
Skybird Soaring Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: the mental asylum named Germany Posts: 42,654 Downloads: 10 Uploads: 0	Oh, and what I got for christmas: a photo book, with truly fantastic photography of folding knifes - knifes of the kind that makes each of them a piece of art - and that due to their prices make most if not all of them unavailable for me. These things compare to precious handmade collector's watches, or jewelry. http://www.google.de/imgres?imgurl=h...%26start%3D126 __________________ If you feel nuts, consult an expert.

01-02-10, 02:45 PM	#65
jumpy Admiral Join Date: May 2003 Location: Midlands, UK Posts: 2,139 Downloads: 22 Uploads: 0	no more thread hijack. Thanks guys. It is a warm feeling to know that some of you (who I know and others who I haven't really spoken to before) have the time to offer a little bit of your help and advice, even over such an impersonal medium. Even such a small thing has great value placed upon it. I've been about long enough to know how the world works, for the most part, so I understand what you are saying. Having to readjust to a totally different life when all of my energies have been focussed in one direction only for the last nine years, is a pretty ***ing big deal, though. That was kind of what I meant with my remarks to the 'future'. Life goes on and all of that. It doesn't really change the way I feel for her... unpleasant as it is, experience tells me that will not ever go away, I'll just eventually get used to living with it, with either greater or lesser success. I've been out quite a bit over christmas and the new year, so I'm now pretty sick of talking about all of this (though that seems to be all I end up doing) Today my stress is that come monday I have to get all of my bills sorted, unfortunately because we shared certain financial responsibilities I don't have access to some of the accounts etc - the reason for my problem with BT and my ISP - it will cost 40 quid plus vat to get sorted, and as I do alot of my banking online, jobhunting, social stuff with my friends here in the leicester. So a disconnection, fees and time which I cannot really afford. However, I cannot talk to any of these services about some of the accounts, as they're not all in my name. And I cannot get hold of her to sort it out, even though we spoke after chrismas day about meeting up in the new year and sorting these things out - conversation was relaxed, calm even, with her asking to meet in the new year. Most probably I'm worrying over nothing, but the number that she had at her 'new' place is now discontinued and there is no answer to the mobile phone, and without dealing with all of these little utilities issues I cannot start to get myself sorted out and make the decisions about if I can afford to stay here or not; how much will it cost and so on. So I'm already trying to look out for me, trouble is, all of that is still tied to someone else who is very ill - that's another thing I'm very worried about - I know her too well; regardless of us being together or not, such isolation as she has imposed upon herself and I, refusing to have anything to do with her family etc is only going to hurt her further. Though there are those of you who may think 'not your problem anymore mate' it doesn't change the fact that if she can do this to herself, given how well I know her, it means given the right circumstances, she is capable of making herself much worse - I've already had a trip to casualty with her for an overdose of sleeping tablets a month or so back, so you can see my concern. The clock is ticking, and without having all of the existing bills settled, I will be unable to have some of them reinstated for this address (ie gas electricity and telephone) without the accounts being settled, which I can not even do myself as I don't have access to the account numbers/details to pay them. The way she has told me she still feels about me is much harder to deal with than any of the bill stuff. Just when you thought everything was going to be ok again, it wasn't. I've always believed we are only given the things in life that we have the strength to deal with. And, self esteem aside, the only truly important things are the people you choose to have in your life - friends or lovers - everything else is just 'stuff' or material; there's nothing else that has more value in a persons life than those they choose to share it with. It defines many of us beyond doubt. As such, I've felt that compassion and honour, love and trust, are great strengths of character and not a weakness. Now more than ever, that conviction is being tested beyond reason and my ability to embrace it. __________________ when you’ve been so long in the desert, any water, no matter how brackish, looks like life Last edited by jumpy; 01-02-10 at 03:13 PM.*

01-02-10, 05:11 PM	#67
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,615 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Keep yer chin up mate.....hoping you get the outcomes you want __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

01-02-10, 05:49 PM	#68
onelifecrisis Maverick Modder Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: England Posts: 3,895 Downloads: 65 Uploads: 3	I got: an iPhone (3G 8Gb) a wrist watch an electric razor DiRT for the PC some iTunes vouchers and some cash __________________ Freedom of speech - priceless. For everything else there's Mastercard.

01-02-10, 11:40 AM	#64
frau kaleun Rear Admiral Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Skyri--oh who are we kidding, I'm probably at Lowe's. Again. Posts: 12,706 Downloads: 168 Uploads: 0	Jumpy, so sorry to hear about your situation. To echo what others have said somewhat, you do need to - at some point - get to the place where you can see your future without her, because no matter how it feels right now, you do have one. That said, it takes time. So let it. Every loss comes with a period of grieving and all the anger, sadness, and other feelings that are a natural part of it, but they are temporary no matter how improbable that seems in the short term. Throwing things like clinical depression and other mental health issues only makes it more difficult, because a person suffering from those problems can really do a number on you by yanking you back and forth - one day yes, one day no, til you don't know where you stand or what to do or if maybe just letting go and walking away is the only thing you can do to preserve your own sanity. I'll just say, been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, so believe me I feel your pain. And it's really hard because you know that the person doing the yanking is in the midst of their own struggles and really can't do any better by you, even if they want to. Anyway - nothing here that you can't get from a million other friendly, meddling advice-givers - but do take care of yourself and hang in there.