The joke thread - Page 473

Tango589 · 12-17-14, 01:52 PM

Maybe Jesus was gay the whole time, and was actually saying 'ahh, men.'

Jimbuna · 12-18-14, 07:00 AM

I'm sick to death of being called Spartacus.

Some low life in the pub always takes my Taxi.

BossMark · 12-18-14, 07:46 AM

I hate when it's my turn to hoover The International Space Station.

So I usually just open a window when no one's looking.

Jimbuna · 12-18-14, 08:51 AM

Madonna has claimed that hackers leaking her unreleased material is a form of terrorism.

She's right, we should prosecute everyone involved in creating and distributing this audible torture.

BossMark · 12-18-14, 11:39 AM

There's that many repeats on this Christmas the BBC have reissued last years radio times .

Jimbuna · 12-18-14, 11:52 AM

All these movie tie-ins are getting on my nerves.

This morning in the supermarket they had "Frozen" peas...

BossMark · 12-18-14, 12:39 PM

How does the man in the moon cut his hair?

ECLIPSE IT.

BossMark · 12-19-14, 07:47 AM

I see Denmark has claimed the North Pole as their own.

Sorry Denmark, but you can't just take something just because you want it.

That's Russia's job.

Jimbuna · 12-19-14, 09:17 AM

I asked my wife, "What's your opinion on the state of English football?"

"Its crap," she replied. "Absolute crap."

"More than likely," I said, "but let's hear it anyway."

BossMark · 12-19-14, 09:23 AM

My wife says I'm a nosey bastard.
That's what she's written in her diary.

Jimbuna · 12-19-14, 09:43 AM

A local Apple store was burgled for over 10k of merchandise.

Police remain hopeful they can find and return both computers.

BossMark · 12-19-14, 10:49 AM

"Compliments of the season" said the dustman holding out his hand.

"What did you do that for?" he asked when I threw five one pound coins down the garden path

"Well that's usually where you leave most of my rubbish" I replied

Tango589 · 12-20-14, 06:28 AM

I finally realized that our marriage was in trouble when I discovered that my wife had swapped out my body wash with meat tenderizer, the week before our African safari.

BossMark · 12-20-14, 06:32 AM

"Mammy," I heard my daughter shout. "Can I watch Santa Clause The Movie?"
"You know who to ask dear," replied my wife.
"Daddy," asked my daughter.
"Yes dear, what do you want?" I laughed.
"Have you got the phone number for Kim Jong-Un?"

Jimbuna · 12-20-14, 08:48 AM

I think the best thing about Christmas is waiting to see what Christmas movie North Korea has allowed us to watch.

12-17-14, 01:52 PM	#7081
Tango589 Still crazy as ever! Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: A little south of sanity Posts: 3,378 Downloads: 180 Uploads: 1	Maybe Jesus was gay the whole time, and was actually saying 'ahh, men.' __________________ Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way...

12-18-14, 07:00 AM	#7082
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,106 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I'm sick to death of being called Spartacus. Some low life in the pub always takes my Taxi. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-18-14, 07:46 AM	#7083
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I hate when it's my turn to hoover The International Space Station. So I usually just open a window when no one's looking. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

12-18-14, 08:51 AM	#7084
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,106 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Madonna has claimed that hackers leaking her unreleased material is a form of terrorism. She's right, we should prosecute everyone involved in creating and distributing this audible torture. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-18-14, 11:39 AM	#7085
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	There's that many repeats on this Christmas the BBC have reissued last years radio times . __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

12-18-14, 11:52 AM	#7086
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,106 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	All these movie tie-ins are getting on my nerves. This morning in the supermarket they had "Frozen" peas... __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-18-14, 12:39 PM	#7087
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	How does the man in the moon cut his hair? ECLIPSE IT. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

12-19-14, 07:47 AM	#7088
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I see Denmark has claimed the North Pole as their own. Sorry Denmark, but you can't just take something just because you want it. That's Russia's job. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

12-19-14, 09:17 AM	#7089
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,106 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I asked my wife, "What's your opinion on the state of English football?" "Its crap," she replied. "Absolute crap." "More than likely," I said, "but let's hear it anyway." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-19-14, 09:23 AM	#7090
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	My wife says I'm a nosey bastard. That's what she's written in her diary. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

12-19-14, 09:43 AM	#7091
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,106 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A local Apple store was burgled for over 10k of merchandise. Police remain hopeful they can find and return both computers. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-19-14, 10:49 AM	#7092
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	"Compliments of the season" said the dustman holding out his hand. "What did you do that for?" he asked when I threw five one pound coins down the garden path "Well that's usually where you leave most of my rubbish" I replied __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

12-20-14, 06:28 AM	#7093
Tango589 Still crazy as ever! Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: A little south of sanity Posts: 3,378 Downloads: 180 Uploads: 1	I finally realized that our marriage was in trouble when I discovered that my wife had swapped out my body wash with meat tenderizer, the week before our African safari. __________________ Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way...

12-20-14, 06:32 AM	#7094
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	"Mammy," I heard my daughter shout. "Can I watch Santa Clause The Movie?" "You know who to ask dear," replied my wife. "Daddy," asked my daughter. "Yes dear, what do you want?" I laughed. "Have you got the phone number for Kim Jong-Un?" __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

12-20-14, 08:48 AM	#7095
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,106 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I think the best thing about Christmas is waiting to see what Christmas movie North Korea has allowed us to watch. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!