The joke thread - Page 468

Jimbuna · 11-30-14, 08:58 AM

Photographs of Kim Kardashian fully clothed have been leaked onto the internet. Sources say that she is too embarassed to even go out of her house now.

BossMark · 11-30-14, 02:15 PM

I was wandering around my house today and found my wife hiding in a secret room.

I had absolutely no idea that we had a kitchen.

Jimbuna · 12-01-14, 03:32 PM

Who was the first woman in space?

The wife of the first man who parked for her.

BossMark · 12-02-14, 05:07 AM

Prince Harry has confessed his deepest fear is public speaking. I'd have thought Kate and William's unborn baby being born with ginger hair would have been higher, personally

Herr-Berbunch · 12-02-14, 07:04 AM

What do ISIS want for Xmas?

Turkey.

BossMark · 12-02-14, 07:15 AM

I'm surprised Prince Harry's secret fear is public speaking.

I thought it would be tunnels

Herr-Berbunch · 12-02-14, 07:44 AM

Or waiting on Jeremy Kyle for DNA results.

BossMark · 12-02-14, 09:56 AM

A guy walks into my bar and asks me for a Bacardi and Coke.

I said, "We only have Pepsi, is that OK?"

He said, "Sure."

Then I handed him a Pepsi and Coke.

Jimbuna · 12-02-14, 10:03 AM

The Government is warning against a new wave of phone fraud scams. To combat this it is setting up a new anti-fraud advisory service. This will have a monthly subscription of £17.50. Victims will also be able to report attempts to scam them on the special victim hotline; calls will be charged at £2.50 per minute.

BossMark · 12-02-14, 12:20 PM

I was surprised tonight when I came home from work and my wife greeted me with a cup of tea.

I've never had a cup filled with egg, chips and beans before.

Jimbuna · 12-03-14, 07:00 AM

So Kim Jong-un is claiming he personally hacked into Sony's servers in retaliation to them broadcasting a spoof interview.

Is there no end to this Olympic gold Medallist's talent?

BossMark · 12-03-14, 07:57 AM

I asked my doctor, "Why am I always so fat."

"Its because of your diet," he told me.

He must be a rubbish doctor because I have never even been on a diet.

Jimbuna · 12-03-14, 10:07 AM

The guy who invented Twister died this week. Fitting him into the coffin took 27 spins.

BossMark · 12-03-14, 12:09 PM

This morning some pregnant lady got on the train.

I said, "Would you like to have my seat?"

She said, "That's kind of you,thank you so much."

"No worries," I said, "I'm getting off in nine stops,then you can have it."

BossMark · 12-04-14, 05:55 AM

A policeman pulled me over and asked if I had anything in my pockets that might hurt him. I answered, "No, just this naked photo of my girlfriend."

How was I to know it was his ex-wife?

11-30-14, 08:58 AM	#7006
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,291 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Photographs of Kim Kardashian fully clothed have been leaked onto the internet. Sources say that she is too embarassed to even go out of her house now. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

11-30-14, 02:15 PM	#7007
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I was wandering around my house today and found my wife hiding in a secret room. I had absolutely no idea that we had a kitchen. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

12-01-14, 03:32 PM	#7008
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,291 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Who was the first woman in space? The wife of the first man who parked for her. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-02-14, 05:07 AM	#7009
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Prince Harry has confessed his deepest fear is public speaking. I'd have thought Kate and William's unborn baby being born with ginger hair would have been higher, personally __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

12-02-14, 07:04 AM	#7010
Herr-Berbunch Kaiser Bill's batman Join Date: May 2010 Location: AN72 Posts: 13,203 Downloads: 76 Uploads: 0	What do ISIS want for Xmas? Turkey. __________________

12-02-14, 07:15 AM	#7011
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I'm surprised Prince Harry's secret fear is public speaking. I thought it would be tunnels __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

12-02-14, 07:44 AM	#7012
Herr-Berbunch Kaiser Bill's batman Join Date: May 2010 Location: AN72 Posts: 13,203 Downloads: 76 Uploads: 0	Or waiting on Jeremy Kyle for DNA results. __________________

12-02-14, 09:56 AM	#7013
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	A guy walks into my bar and asks me for a Bacardi and Coke. I said, "We only have Pepsi, is that OK?" He said, "Sure." Then I handed him a Pepsi and Coke. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

12-02-14, 10:03 AM	#7014
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,291 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	The Government is warning against a new wave of phone fraud scams. To combat this it is setting up a new anti-fraud advisory service. This will have a monthly subscription of £17.50. Victims will also be able to report attempts to scam them on the special victim hotline; calls will be charged at £2.50 per minute. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-02-14, 12:20 PM	#7015
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I was surprised tonight when I came home from work and my wife greeted me with a cup of tea. I've never had a cup filled with egg, chips and beans before. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

12-03-14, 07:00 AM	#7016
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,291 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	So Kim Jong-un is claiming he personally hacked into Sony's servers in retaliation to them broadcasting a spoof interview. Is there no end to this Olympic gold Medallist's talent? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-03-14, 07:57 AM	#7017
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I asked my doctor, "Why am I always so fat." "Its because of your diet," he told me. He must be a rubbish doctor because I have never even been on a diet. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

12-03-14, 10:07 AM	#7018
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,291 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	The guy who invented Twister died this week. Fitting him into the coffin took 27 spins. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-03-14, 12:09 PM	#7019
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	This morning some pregnant lady got on the train. I said, "Would you like to have my seat?" She said, "That's kind of you,thank you so much." "No worries," I said, "I'm getting off in nine stops,then you can have it." __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

12-04-14, 05:55 AM	#7020
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	A policeman pulled me over and asked if I had anything in my pockets that might hurt him. I answered, "No, just this naked photo of my girlfriend." How was I to know it was his ex-wife? __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now