The joke thread - Page 443

Jimbuna · 09-08-14, 10:33 AM

Apparently a Holy Man in India has survived 43 years without food or water.

This was a record previously set by Ryanair passengers on a flight to Alicante.

BossMark · 09-09-14, 01:37 AM

My wife says SHE is the main breadwinner and I need to treat her like SHE is the man of the house...

So I divorced her and took the house.

BossMark · 09-09-14, 04:38 AM

A Canadian teenager has been sentenced to 300 hours of community service for kicking Justin Bieber in the bollocks.

I thought that WAS community service ...

Jimbuna · 09-09-14, 06:47 AM

BBC News : Luton Airport evacuated as 'suspect package' found.

A Police spokesman stated the small leather bound item turned out to be a British passport.

BossMark · 09-09-14, 07:03 AM

I see that Poundland are going to start selling Pregnancy Tests.

For gods sake!

If you have to buy your Pregnancy Test from Poundland, it's probably because you bought your condoms there as well.

Jimbuna · 09-09-14, 09:44 AM

I don't mean to brag but I just finished a 14 day diet in 2 hours and 14 minutes.

Eichhörnchen · 09-09-14, 10:10 AM

Q: What do you call a Spanish lady with one tooth?

A: One Eater

BossMark · 09-09-14, 10:17 AM

This bloke's been arrested for using his prosthetic leg to smuggle cocaine into Pentonville Prison.

He admitted that the toughest part of the operation was getting the leg stuffed into his rectum.

Eichhörnchen · 09-09-14, 11:25 AM

A man walks into a doctor's surgery and says: "Doctor, I think I'm a moth"

"Well you really ought to be seeing a psychiatrist, not me," said the doctor.

"I know, but your light was on".

BossMark · 09-10-14, 01:13 AM

I was reading that your favourite Royal tells a lot about who you are.

For example, if your favourite is the Queen, then you're respectful and distinguished.

If it's Prince Harry you're fun-loving and a bit naughty.

If it's Prince Charles ... then you're Prince Charles.

Jimbuna · 09-10-14, 07:53 AM

£900 pound for an iPhone 6?

Airplane mode better take me on holiday.

BossMark · 09-10-14, 08:43 AM

I was thinking about taking my family on an all inclusive VIP trip around the world.
Or buying the new iPhone 6.

Jimbuna · 09-10-14, 10:05 AM

If Scotland gains independence, they will face a later date of availability for the iPhone 6.

It's thought the Scots won't be able to steal one until November.

Eichhörnchen · 09-10-14, 10:18 AM

"Waiter! This fish is rubbery!"

"Why thank you, sir: I'll give your compriments to the chef...

Jimbuna · 09-10-14, 10:23 AM

^ The old uns are still the best

09-08-14, 10:33 AM	#6631
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,080 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Apparently a Holy Man in India has survived 43 years without food or water. This was a record previously set by Ryanair passengers on a flight to Alicante. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

09-09-14, 01:37 AM	#6632
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	My wife says SHE is the main breadwinner and I need to treat her like SHE is the man of the house... So I divorced her and took the house. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

09-09-14, 04:38 AM	#6633
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	A Canadian teenager has been sentenced to 300 hours of community service for kicking Justin Bieber in the bollocks. I thought that WAS community service ... __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

09-09-14, 06:47 AM	#6634
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,080 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	BBC News : Luton Airport evacuated as 'suspect package' found. A Police spokesman stated the small leather bound item turned out to be a British passport. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

09-09-14, 07:03 AM	#6635
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I see that Poundland are going to start selling Pregnancy Tests. For gods sake! If you have to buy your Pregnancy Test from Poundland, it's probably because you bought your condoms there as well. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

09-09-14, 09:44 AM	#6636
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,080 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I don't mean to brag but I just finished a 14 day diet in 2 hours and 14 minutes. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

09-09-14, 10:10 AM	#6637
Eichhörnchen Starte das Auto Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: The Fens Posts: 17,486 Downloads: 5 Uploads: 0	Q: What do you call a Spanish lady with one tooth? A: One Eater

09-09-14, 10:17 AM	#6638
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	This bloke's been arrested for using his prosthetic leg to smuggle cocaine into Pentonville Prison. He admitted that the toughest part of the operation was getting the leg stuffed into his rectum. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

09-09-14, 11:25 AM	#6639
Eichhörnchen Starte das Auto Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: The Fens Posts: 17,486 Downloads: 5 Uploads: 0	I heard this joke less than a minute ago: A man walks into a doctor's surgery and says: "Doctor, I think I'm a moth" "Well you really ought to be seeing a psychiatrist, not me," said the doctor. "I know, but your light was on".

09-10-14, 01:13 AM	#6640
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I was reading that your favourite Royal tells a lot about who you are. For example, if your favourite is the Queen, then you're respectful and distinguished. If it's Prince Harry you're fun-loving and a bit naughty. If it's Prince Charles ... then you're Prince Charles. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

09-10-14, 07:53 AM	#6641
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,080 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	£900 pound for an iPhone 6? Airplane mode better take me on holiday. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

09-10-14, 08:43 AM	#6642
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I was thinking about taking my family on an all inclusive VIP trip around the world. Or buying the new iPhone 6. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

09-10-14, 10:05 AM	#6643
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,080 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	If Scotland gains independence, they will face a later date of availability for the iPhone 6. It's thought the Scots won't be able to steal one until November. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

09-10-14, 10:18 AM	#6644
Eichhörnchen Starte das Auto Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: The Fens Posts: 17,486 Downloads: 5 Uploads: 0	In a Chinese restaurant: "Waiter! This fish is rubbery!" "Why thank you, sir: I'll give your compriments to the chef...

09-10-14, 10:23 AM	#6645
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,080 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	^ The old uns are still the best __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!