The joke thread - Page 441

donna52522 · 09-04-14, 02:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BossMark

Reports suggest that critically ill Joan Rivers is about to meet her maker..

Dr.Frankenstein.

She has gone to meet her maker.

Armistead · 09-04-14, 04:06 PM

After a wonderful night of love making, the young guy rolled over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on a desk in the distance. Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is that your husband?" he inquired nervously. "No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.

"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, she answered, "That's me before the surgery."

Armistead · 09-04-14, 04:11 PM

"We'd like a room, please," the bloke said, nodding toward his misses. "We were married this morning."

"Congratulations," the desk clerk said, "how about the bridal?"

"No thanks, just a room. I'll hold her by the ears until she gets the hang of it."

09-04-14, 05:22 PM

No way I can read all these, so sorry if this is a repeat.

An old couple is sitting in a church, and the Old Lady lets a fart. She is kind of confused at first, so she leans over too her husband and say's I just let a silent fart, what do I do?

The husband leans over and replies, change the battery in your hearing aid.

09-04-14, 05:24 PM

Now for the 1 my wife just couldn't get.

2 men walk into a bar. The third man ducked.

Get it?

Sailor Steve · 09-04-14, 06:27 PM

Yes, we get it. Why would you ask?

Armistead · 09-04-14, 08:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

Yes, we get it. Why would you ask?

I didn't....

Sailor Steve · 09-04-14, 08:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Armistead

I didn't....

If you have to explain it...

BossMark · 09-05-14, 05:12 AM

A woman on Jeremy Kyle today admitted to being jealous of her neighbour's garden.

The burned out car on their front lawn once had a 2 litre engine.

Jimbuna · 09-05-14, 07:33 AM

I've had an absolutely terrible day....
Not only would the toilet not flush, I've also been banned from Ikea.

BossMark · 09-05-14, 10:38 AM

I kicked a football through my neighbour's window today.

It was worse than I initially thought, it was broken on both sides.

BossMark · 09-05-14, 11:24 AM

Parents arrested and jailed for taking son from hospital to try to save his life
parents leave child in appartment ' go out for a meal ' child disappears for years sod all happens

Jimbuna · 09-05-14, 12:10 PM

I married a girl who said that she didn't believe in sex before marriage.

In hindsight, I should have made sure that she believed in sex after marriage.

BossMark · 09-06-14, 06:41 AM

I was livid when my 9-year-old told me his teacher says I'm a bad parent.

"Right" I said. "Finish your pint and we'll go and have it out with him."

Jimbuna · 09-06-14, 07:31 AM

"What are you crying for son?" I asked.

"It's school, I hate it!" he said. "All those lessons and then they give you tests to see what you've learnt."

"That's nothing son, you just wait til you're married!" I said. "All those tests and you've not a clue what lessons you're supposed to learn."

09-04-14, 04:06 PM	#6602
Armistead Rear Admiral Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: on the Dan Posts: 10,880 Downloads: 364 Uploads: 0	After a wonderful night of love making, the young guy rolled over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on a desk in the distance. Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is that your husband?" he inquired nervously. "No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, she answered, "That's me before the surgery." __________________ You see my dog don't like people laughing. He gets the crazy idea you're laughing at him. Now if you apologize like I know you're going to, I might convince him that you really didn't mean it.

09-04-14, 04:11 PM	#6603
Armistead Rear Admiral Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: on the Dan Posts: 10,880 Downloads: 364 Uploads: 0	"We'd like a room, please," the bloke said, nodding toward his misses. "We were married this morning." "Congratulations," the desk clerk said, "how about the bridal?" "No thanks, just a room. I'll hold her by the ears until she gets the hang of it." __________________ You see my dog don't like people laughing. He gets the crazy idea you're laughing at him. Now if you apologize like I know you're going to, I might convince him that you really didn't mean it.

09-04-14, 06:27 PM	#6606
Sailor Steve Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: High in the mountains of Utah Posts: 50,369 Downloads: 745 Uploads: 249	Yes, we get it. Why would you ask? __________________ “Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo

09-05-14, 05:12 AM	#6609
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	A woman on Jeremy Kyle today admitted to being jealous of her neighbour's garden. The burned out car on their front lawn once had a 2 litre engine. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

09-05-14, 07:33 AM	#6610
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,080 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I've had an absolutely terrible day.... Not only would the toilet not flush, I've also been banned from Ikea. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

09-04-14, 05:22 PM	#6604
DJ Kelley Stowaway Posts: n/a Downloads: Uploads:	No way I can read all these, so sorry if this is a repeat. An old couple is sitting in a church, and the Old Lady lets a fart. She is kind of confused at first, so she leans over too her husband and say's I just let a silent fart, what do I do? The husband leans over and replies, change the battery in your hearing aid.

09-04-14, 05:24 PM	#6605
DJ Kelley Stowaway Posts: n/a Downloads: Uploads:	Now for the 1 my wife just couldn't get. 2 men walk into a bar. The third man ducked. Get it?

09-05-14, 10:38 AM	#6611
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I kicked a football through my neighbour's window today. It was worse than I initially thought, it was broken on both sides. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

09-05-14, 11:24 AM	#6612
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Parents arrested and jailed for taking son from hospital to try to save his life parents leave child in appartment ' go out for a meal ' child disappears for years sod all happens __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

09-05-14, 12:10 PM	#6613
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,080 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I married a girl who said that she didn't believe in sex before marriage. In hindsight, I should have made sure that she believed in sex after marriage. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

09-06-14, 06:41 AM	#6614
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I was livid when my 9-year-old told me his teacher says I'm a bad parent. "Right" I said. "Finish your pint and we'll go and have it out with him." __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

09-06-14, 07:31 AM	#6615
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,080 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	"What are you crying for son?" I asked. "It's school, I hate it!" he said. "All those lessons and then they give you tests to see what you've learnt." "That's nothing son, you just wait til you're married!" I said. "All those tests and you've not a clue what lessons you're supposed to learn." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!