The joke thread - Page 421

BossMark · 06-14-14, 12:16 PM

My dad was a man of few words.

We always beat him at Scrabble.

Jimbuna · 06-14-14, 12:17 PM

I went on a disastrous blind date in a Korean restaurant last night. Halfway through the meal the waiter came up to me and said, "How are you getting on with the dog?"

"Not great," I replied. "And the food's horrible too."

Spiced_Rum · 06-14-14, 03:52 PM

I stocked my fridge full of beer for the World Cup, a different beer that is representative of each nation. San Miguel for Spanish siestas, Budweiser for soccer playing Americans, Lowenbrau for German strength. And Carlsberg for England because it is over-rated!

BossMark · 06-15-14, 03:22 AM

Just bought the amazing super fast broadband package from the Discovery Channel that lets you watch the Serengeti live in HD as if the animals were actually in your living room.

Just 19.99 per month plus lion rental.

Jimbuna · 06-15-14, 05:35 AM

My wife said to me, "Look at the size of your beer belly."

"I blame the World Cup." I replied.

"Don't be daft, it only started on Friday."

"I think you'll find this to be my ninth tournament."

BossMark · 06-15-14, 07:17 AM

The BBC are to replace Phil Neville as a commentator in the next England match..

With Siri.

Jimbuna · 06-15-14, 09:01 AM

Snow White had just finished giving the 7 dwarfs their breakfast, and they set off for their days work at the mine.
" Heigh ho, Heigh ho, It's off to work we go. " etc.
So Snow White decided she had better start the washing up, She had just started at the sink, When there was a huge explosion from the mine.
She ran down to the mine, but the entrance was blocked by large boulders and dirt.
She began to clear the blockage away with her bare hands. It took her the best part of an hour to make any progress.
Then suddenly she thought she could hear a noise, so she stopped and listened.
She heard, " England, England, England. "
She thought to herself, " Thank God for that, at least Dopey is still alive. "

BossMark · 06-15-14, 11:09 AM

I'm the kind of person that doesn't like to let people down.

Hence my sacking as winch operator on a rescue helicopter.

Jimbuna · 06-16-14, 05:27 AM

The new Star Wars film will feature a new fat robot to star alongside R2D2 and C3P0, he will be called OBCT.

BossMark · 06-16-14, 07:42 AM

When I bought my wife a set of golf clubs for her birthday, she hit the roof.

Her putting always left a lot to be desired.

Jimbuna · 06-16-14, 12:21 PM

A man walks into the Doctors and says " Doctor I keep getting this weird feeling that I am a horses house, am I going to be ok?"
The Doctor says, "Don't panic, you're in a stable condition"

BossMark · 06-16-14, 02:34 PM

Well everyone got pissed and went home happy on Saturday night.

I'm never watching an England game in a Scottish pub again.

Jimbuna · 06-16-14, 03:48 PM

The best thing about this Nigeria game is I am not getting spam emails from there whilst they watch it.

BossMark · 06-17-14, 07:01 AM

I've decided never to buy anything off the Internet again, after getting conned last week.

I ordered what was supposed to be the world's largest cardboard box, but the one it came in was bigger.

Jimbuna · 06-17-14, 08:39 AM

Our school washard we didn't have a nurse, we had a School Coroner.

06-14-14, 12:16 PM	#6301
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	My dad was a man of few words. We always beat him at Scrabble. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

06-14-14, 12:17 PM	#6302
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,561 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I went on a disastrous blind date in a Korean restaurant last night. Halfway through the meal the waiter came up to me and said, "How are you getting on with the dog?" "Not great," I replied. "And the food's horrible too." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

06-14-14, 03:52 PM	#6303
Spiced_Rum Ace of the Deep Join Date: May 2013 Location: Enjoying a run ashore Posts: 1,129 Downloads: 69 Uploads: 0	I stocked my fridge full of beer for the World Cup, a different beer that is representative of each nation. San Miguel for Spanish siestas, Budweiser for soccer playing Americans, Lowenbrau for German strength. And Carlsberg for England because it is over-rated! __________________ Spiced_Rum "The only rocks I want to see are in my glass, and covered with lashings of Spicey and Coke"

06-15-14, 03:22 AM	#6304
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Just bought the amazing super fast broadband package from the Discovery Channel that lets you watch the Serengeti live in HD as if the animals were actually in your living room. Just 19.99 per month plus lion rental. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

06-15-14, 05:35 AM	#6305
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,561 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My wife said to me, "Look at the size of your beer belly." "I blame the World Cup." I replied. "Don't be daft, it only started on Friday." "I think you'll find this to be my ninth tournament." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

06-15-14, 07:17 AM	#6306
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	The BBC are to replace Phil Neville as a commentator in the next England match.. With Siri. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

06-15-14, 09:01 AM	#6307
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,561 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Snow White had just finished giving the 7 dwarfs their breakfast, and they set off for their days work at the mine. " Heigh ho, Heigh ho, It's off to work we go. " etc. So Snow White decided she had better start the washing up, She had just started at the sink, When there was a huge explosion from the mine. She ran down to the mine, but the entrance was blocked by large boulders and dirt. She began to clear the blockage away with her bare hands. It took her the best part of an hour to make any progress. Then suddenly she thought she could hear a noise, so she stopped and listened. She heard, " England, England, England. " She thought to herself, " Thank God for that, at least Dopey is still alive. " __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

06-15-14, 11:09 AM	#6308
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I'm the kind of person that doesn't like to let people down. Hence my sacking as winch operator on a rescue helicopter. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

06-16-14, 05:27 AM	#6309
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,561 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	The new Star Wars film will feature a new fat robot to star alongside R2D2 and C3P0, he will be called OBCT. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

06-16-14, 07:42 AM	#6310
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	When I bought my wife a set of golf clubs for her birthday, she hit the roof. Her putting always left a lot to be desired. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

06-16-14, 12:21 PM	#6311
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,561 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A man walks into the Doctors and says " Doctor I keep getting this weird feeling that I am a horses house, am I going to be ok?" The Doctor says, "Don't panic, you're in a stable condition" __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

06-16-14, 02:34 PM	#6312
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Well everyone got pissed and went home happy on Saturday night. I'm never watching an England game in a Scottish pub again. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

06-16-14, 03:48 PM	#6313
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,561 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	The best thing about this Nigeria game is I am not getting spam emails from there whilst they watch it. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

06-17-14, 07:01 AM	#6314
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I've decided never to buy anything off the Internet again, after getting conned last week. I ordered what was supposed to be the world's largest cardboard box, but the one it came in was bigger. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

06-17-14, 08:39 AM	#6315
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,561 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Our school washard we didn't have a nurse, we had a School Coroner. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!