The joke thread - Page 42

frau kaleun · 10-05-11, 08:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Platapus

Perhaps the bait is a bit too old?

Could be the worm is just too small.

Platapus · 10-05-11, 08:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frau kaleun

Could be the worm is just too small.

Hey!

Remember, it takes a Gerkin to get things workin

frau kaleun · 10-05-11, 08:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Platapus

Hey!

Remember, it takes a Gerkin to get things workin

I hate to put you in a pickle, but something about that just doesn't seem kosher.

Lord_magerius · 10-05-11, 08:42 PM

I've got enough Steve Jobs jokes to fill a page, but I don't think I should right now.

One in three people suffer from Paranoia.
The other two are watching him....

BossMark · 10-06-11, 02:13 PM

Two guys were discussing the new secretary at their office. John to George: "Man, I dated her last Tuesday and we had wonderful sex. She's a lot better in bed than my wife!"

Two days later. George to John: "Well, I dated her too and we had sex as well, but I still think your wife is better in bed!"

Jimbuna · 10-06-11, 05:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Platapus

Perhaps the bait is a bit too old?

I resemble that remark!!

Jimbuna · 10-06-11, 05:47 PM

My mate rang me and asked, "What're you doing at the moment?"

I said, "Probably failing my driving test."

BossMark · 10-07-11, 03:03 AM

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"

"Eight," the boy replied.

The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"

The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either one. "

Jimbuna · 10-07-11, 04:18 AM

6th Oct 1854. The Great Fire of Leeds. A wasted, ruined city, its people desperate and miserable.

And then they had a fire.

BossMark · 10-07-11, 05:59 AM

Like the way way you've changed the Newcastle bit to Leeds

BossMark · 10-07-11, 06:03 AM

A man lived after a shark attack in Cape Town. A huge factor in his survival was that they didn't take him to hospital by taxi.

Jimbuna · 10-07-11, 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BossMark

Like the way way you've changed the Newcastle bit to Leeds

LOL

Jimbuna · 10-07-11, 11:12 AM

A hearse is going along with fishing rods and fishing equipment on the roof.
A passer-by stops one of the mourners and says "I guess he liked fishing when he was alive then".
The mourner replies "He still does, he is going fishing when they have buried his wife !!"

BossMark · 10-08-11, 06:57 AM

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.

So, he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic.

Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his 'member'.

He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to disengage himself. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success. Finally, he decided to call the supplier's

Customer Service Hot Line with his mobile phone (Thank god for mobile phones!).

"Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?"

"Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons. Have a nice day."

Sailor Steve · 10-08-11, 08:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BossMark

Like the way way you've changed the Newcastle bit to Leeds

Could also work here with Chicago. They had a huge fire too.

10-05-11, 08:42 PM	#619
Lord_magerius Seasoned Skipper Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Right by the hydrophone station Posts: 724 Downloads: 96 Uploads: 0	I've got enough Steve Jobs jokes to fill a page, but I don't think I should right now. One in three people suffer from Paranoia. The other two are watching him.... __________________

10-06-11, 02:13 PM	#620
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Two guys were discussing the new secretary at their office. John to George: "Man, I dated her last Tuesday and we had wonderful sex. She's a lot better in bed than my wife!" Two days later. George to John: "Well, I dated her too and we had sex as well, but I still think your wife is better in bed!" __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

10-06-11, 05:47 PM	#622
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,403 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My mate rang me and asked, "What're you doing at the moment?" I said, "Probably failing my driving test." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

10-07-11, 03:03 AM	#623
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?" "Eight," the boy replied. The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?" The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either one. " __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

10-07-11, 04:18 AM	#624
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,403 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	6th Oct 1854. The Great Fire of Leeds. A wasted, ruined city, its people desperate and miserable. And then they had a fire. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

10-07-11, 05:59 AM	#625
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Like the way way you've changed the Newcastle bit to Leeds __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

10-07-11, 06:03 AM	#626
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	A man lived after a shark attack in Cape Town. A huge factor in his survival was that they didn't take him to hospital by taxi. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

10-07-11, 11:12 AM	#628
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,403 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A hearse is going along with fishing rods and fishing equipment on the roof. A passer-by stops one of the mourners and says "I guess he liked fishing when he was alive then". The mourner replies "He still does, he is going fishing when they have buried his wife !!" __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

10-08-11, 06:57 AM	#629
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So, he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic. Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his 'member'. He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to disengage himself. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success. Finally, he decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line with his mobile phone (Thank god for mobile phones!). "Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?" "Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons. Have a nice day." __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now