...once upon a time in Nazi occupied France...

[Bilge_Rat]

Kpt. Wagner is asked to attend a meeting with Admiral Donitz.


Donitz: good news, Wagner, based on your performance with the SH3 type VII-A, I am giving you command of the brand new SH5 type VII-C.

Wagner: herr admiral, I must respectfully decline.

Donitz: why?

Wagner: the SH5 sub is not realistic. For example, I am expected to walk inside the sub from station to station. I am expected to leave the bridge before the boat will dive. I preferred my SH3 boat where I could magically teleport from station to station, like in Star Trek. That was much more "realistic".

Donitz: anything else?

Wagner: yes, I also do not like the periscope station. I am expected to be able to tell the XO the proposed solution while being able to rotate the scope to keep an eye on pesky escorts. I much preferred my SH3 sub where my scope was locked on the target and I was expected to manually input data into the TDC, while the rest of the crew just stands by and looks.

Donitz: I see.

Wagner: And another thing. I am expected to actually look at the dials in the conning tower, as a real captain would, to see my speed, depth, rudder angle, engine rpm, etc. I much preferred my old SH3 sub where dials would float in the air like the HUD on a modern fighter. It was much more "realistic".

Donitz: most disturbing.

Wagner: one additional point, herr admiral, in Sh5, I am expected to only deal with the officers and senior petty officers, as a real skipper does, instead of micromanaging each and every crew member as I had to do in SH3.

Donitz: I understand all your concerns, Wagner, but is'nt the whole point of a submarine simulation to put you in the same situation as a real life captain on a real life U-boat?

Wagner: With respect, herr admiral, the whole point of a submarine simulation is to be "realistic", not to simulate real life...

[sergei]

Made me laugh

[robbo180265]

10/10 - very funny

[Méo]

+1

[kptn_kaiserhof]

i must second that

[Gammelpreusse]

lol, great post, with lots of truth to it

[Vreith]

Sheer awesomeness,

[Georg_Unterberg]

I needed this laugh while waiting for Ubi server to return....

[Faamecanic]

Originally Posted by Bilge_Rat

Kpt. Wagner is asked to attend a meeting with Admiral Donitz.


Donitz: good news, Wagner, based on your performance with the SH3 type VII-A, I am giving you command of the brand new SH5 type VII-C.

Wagner: herr admiral, I must respectfully decline.

Donitz: why?

Wagner: the SH5 sub is not realistic. For example, I am expected to walk inside the sub from station to station. I am expected to leave the bridge before the boat will dive. I preferred my SH3 boat where I could magically teleport from station to station, like in Star Trek. That was much more "realistic".

Donitz: anything else?

Wagner: yes, I also do not like the periscope station. I am expected to be able to tell the XO the proposed solution while being able to rotate the scope to keep an eye on pesky escorts. I much preferred my SH3 sub where my scope was locked on the target and I was expected to manually input data into the TDC, while the rest of the crew just stands by and looks.

Donitz: I see.

Wagner: And another thing. I am expected to actually look at the dials in the conning tower, as a real captain would, to see my speed, depth, rudder angle, engine rpm, etc. I much preferred my old SH3 sub where dials would float in the air like the HUD on a modern fighter. It was much more "realistic".

Donitz: most disturbing.

Wagner: one additional point, herr admiral, in Sh5, I am expected to only deal with the officers and senior petty officers, as a real skipper does, instead of micromanaging each and every crew member as I had to do in SH3.

Donitz: I understand all your concerns, Wagner, but is'nt the whole point of a submarine simulation to put you in the same situation as a real life captain on a real life U-boat?

Wagner: With respect, herr admiral, the whole point of a submarine simulation is to be "realistic", not to simulate real life...

Realistic....

Wagner: I also love my Radar unit so I can spot those Liberty Class Cargo ships...they have so much more tonnage than the average ship!

Donitz: What...what Radar....we are researching such technology now..but it is years from coming about. And what is this...Liberty? ship?.....

Wagner: Nevermind...I forgot...its only 1939 and I shouldnt have radar yet and Liberty ships arent being built yet.

Ahh..well so much for realism.

[Faamecanic]

ROFL.... cross posting and QFT http://forums.ubi.com/eve/forums/a/t...7/m/5511054148

and a snippet

"WO, man the deck gun."

"MAN THE DECK GUN," the WO bellowed.

I ordered the deck gun crew to fire on the closest ships. After a few solid hits it began to sink. My first kill!

Without orders the deck gun crew began to fire on a 2nd merchant. "Whoa!" I shouted. "WO, secure the deck gun."

"MAN THE DECK GUN"

"No, secure it!"

"MAN THE DECK GUN

"Sailor! I order you to cease fire!"

"MAN THE DECK GUN"

"Christ! Nav officer, prepare to dive. What's our depth under keel!"

The Nav Officer again just stared at me. "Hello?" I said over the com. "Ah, forget it. Dive! All hands below, Secure the deck gun! Dive!"

"MAN THE DECK GUN"

Yeah, you stay here and take care of that

[pythos]

This is the serious bug that needs to go. I want commands added to the watch officer to not only man the guns but have control over targeting, and firing...ala, sh2 sh3 and sh4. Why they removed such functions is quite beyond my comprehension.

[Piggy]

Funny, but I thought I would edit it on behalf of the people who can't play the game....

Originally Posted by Bilge_Rat

Kpt. Wagner is asked to attend a meeting with Admiral Donitz.


Donitz: good news, Wagner, based on your performance with the SH3 type VII-A, I am giving you command of the brand new SH5 type VII-C.

Wagner: herr admiral, I must respectfully decline.

Donitz: why?

Wagner: Im unable to connect to Berlin to verify I am Capt. Wagner, must be that fat slob churchhill's new secret weapon.