The joke thread - Page 395

Jimbuna · 04-13-14, 01:17 PM

Just spotted exactly the same crossword clue for an eleven letter word in two different newspapers.

Coincidence ?

BossMark · 04-13-14, 01:48 PM

If Thomas Jefferson had access to porn he never would have declared
"All men are created equal".

Jimbuna · 04-13-14, 02:06 PM

I was in the garden pruning the rosebush when my new neighbour said, "Hello, lovely rosebush, "

"Yes, " I replied, "it always reminds me of my late wife, she loved roses. "

"Funny you should say that, " he replied, " I'm also doing what my wife used to love, muck spreading. "

BossMark · 04-14-14, 03:15 AM

Thatchers dead,
Ferguson has retired
And Liverpool are going to win the league.
Somewhere there is a scouser with a lamp with no wishes left!

Jimbuna · 04-14-14, 09:54 AM

71 killed in Nigeria as a result of a bus explosion.

What are the chances all on board are millionaires with no family and my surname?

BossMark · 04-14-14, 10:01 AM

I was in good position to win the International shoelace-tying championships yesterday ,
But I buckled under the pressure.

Jimbuna · 04-14-14, 10:16 AM

To be honest I think they should let Oscar Pistorius walk free.

Every man wants to do the same thing when their partner beats them to the bathroom.

BossMark · 04-14-14, 10:19 AM

Me and a few friends have just invented the Oscar Pistorius drinking game whilst watching the trial.

Anytime someone goes to the toilet, you have four quick shots.

Jimbuna · 04-14-14, 10:25 AM

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit live in the same forest, but they don't like each other. One day, they come across a golden frog who offers them three wishes each. Mr. Bear wishes that all the other bears in the forest were female.
Mr. Rabbit wishes for a crash helmet.
Mr. Bear's second wish is that all the bears in the neighboring forests were female as well.
Mr. Rabbit wishes for a motorcycle.
Mr. Bear's final wish is that all the other bears in the world were female, leaving him the only male bear in the world.
Mr. Rabbit revs the engine of his motorcycle and says, "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rides off.

BossMark · 04-14-14, 10:56 AM

My son has been diagnosed with what the doctor says is an extremely rare genetic condition.

It can't be that rare though, several of my mate Dave's family have it too.

Jimbuna · 04-14-14, 01:20 PM

If you're not careful, chainsaws can cost you an arm and a leg.

BossMark · 04-15-14, 06:42 AM

All I keep hearing during the trial is "yes m'lady."

Who's in the dock, Oscar Pistorius or Parker from Thunderbird's?

Jimbuna · 04-15-14, 06:42 AM

AC/DC are on the verge of retirement.

A new band called Duracell will be formed and will last a lot longer.

BossMark · 04-15-14, 09:00 AM

I wonder what song the radio will play after Gloria Gaynor dies?

Jimbuna · 04-15-14, 09:41 AM

My sister dropped and broke her violin, but I fixed it with some cellotape.

04-13-14, 01:17 PM	#5911
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,363 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just spotted exactly the same crossword clue for an eleven letter word in two different newspapers. Coincidence ? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

04-13-14, 01:48 PM	#5912
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	If Thomas Jefferson had access to porn he never would have declared "All men are created equal". __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

04-13-14, 02:06 PM	#5913
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,363 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I was in the garden pruning the rosebush when my new neighbour said, "Hello, lovely rosebush, " "Yes, " I replied, "it always reminds me of my late wife, she loved roses. " "Funny you should say that, " he replied, " I'm also doing what my wife used to love, muck spreading. " __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

04-14-14, 03:15 AM	#5914
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Thatchers dead, Ferguson has retired And Liverpool are going to win the league. Somewhere there is a scouser with a lamp with no wishes left! __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

04-14-14, 09:54 AM	#5915
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,363 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	71 killed in Nigeria as a result of a bus explosion. What are the chances all on board are millionaires with no family and my surname? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

04-14-14, 10:01 AM	#5916
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I was in good position to win the International shoelace-tying championships yesterday , But I buckled under the pressure. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

04-14-14, 10:16 AM	#5917
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,363 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	To be honest I think they should let Oscar Pistorius walk free. Every man wants to do the same thing when their partner beats them to the bathroom. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

04-14-14, 10:19 AM	#5918
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Me and a few friends have just invented the Oscar Pistorius drinking game whilst watching the trial. Anytime someone goes to the toilet, you have four quick shots. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

04-14-14, 10:25 AM	#5919
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,363 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit live in the same forest, but they don't like each other. One day, they come across a golden frog who offers them three wishes each. Mr. Bear wishes that all the other bears in the forest were female. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a crash helmet. Mr. Bear's second wish is that all the bears in the neighboring forests were female as well. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a motorcycle. Mr. Bear's final wish is that all the other bears in the world were female, leaving him the only male bear in the world. Mr. Rabbit revs the engine of his motorcycle and says, "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rides off. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

04-14-14, 10:56 AM	#5920
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	My son has been diagnosed with what the doctor says is an extremely rare genetic condition. It can't be that rare though, several of my mate Dave's family have it too. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

04-14-14, 01:20 PM	#5921
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,363 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	If you're not careful, chainsaws can cost you an arm and a leg. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

04-15-14, 06:42 AM	#5922
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	All I keep hearing during the trial is "yes m'lady." Who's in the dock, Oscar Pistorius or Parker from Thunderbird's? __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

04-15-14, 06:42 AM	#5923
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,363 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	AC/DC are on the verge of retirement. A new band called Duracell will be formed and will last a lot longer. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

04-15-14, 09:00 AM	#5924
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I wonder what song the radio will play after Gloria Gaynor dies? __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

04-15-14, 09:41 AM	#5925
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,363 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My sister dropped and broke her violin, but I fixed it with some cellotape. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!