The joke thread - Page 390

Jimbuna · 03-27-14, 02:32 PM

Kim Jong Un has ordered that all North Korean men must have their hair cut to be just like his.

That's madness: everyone will look the same.

BossMark · 03-27-14, 03:07 PM

It has been leaked to the press that further clampdowns are to be expected in North Korea, including a ban on listening to music that makes you feel happy.

Coldplay are planning a tour there in the near future.

Jimbuna · 03-27-14, 03:22 PM

Face of Jesus found in yeast!

The religious have have claimed it is proof he will rise again.

BossMark · 03-28-14, 12:40 AM

Got thrown out of the theatre during the Superman movie, but I was able to sneak back in by putting on glasses.

Jimbuna · 03-28-14, 03:22 PM

After countless doctors' appointments and weeks of tests, the cause of my wife's obesity has finally been put down to a problem with her ears.

They can hear the ice cream van coming.

fireftr18 · 03-28-14, 04:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

After countless doctors' appointments and weeks of tests, the cause of my wife's obesity has finally been put down to a problem with her ears.

They can hear the ice cream van coming.

MMMM, maybe that's my problem.

BossMark · 03-29-14, 03:49 AM

A new US reality show is soon to hit our screens in which single women are duped into believing they could get married to Prince Harry.
There's a twist though.

He looks just like Harry..

He talks just like Harry..

And he even acts just like Harry, but he's not really Prince Charles' son.

Just like Harry.

Jimbuna · 03-29-14, 11:04 AM

I really hate my job as a male flasher and I was so close to quitting last week.

But then I decided I would stick it out for a little while longer.

BossMark · 03-29-14, 11:23 AM

Somerset people are said to be delighted that the floods have finally receded.

Now they can go back to using their 4x4's for the purpose for which they were originally intended.

Taking the bloody kids to school.

Jimbuna · 03-29-14, 11:26 AM

The UK Government has said that Scotland could end up as a Third World country if they vote for independence.

I don't know if things will improve to that extent, but you never know.

BossMark · 03-29-14, 11:51 AM

I wish people would stop making wife jokes.

What's funny about being married?

Jimbuna · 03-29-14, 12:21 PM

I hit my wife in the face with a newspaper and she woke up.

"What's going on?" she asked, in a state of shock.

"There was a spider on your face," I exclaimed.

She said, "That's the sixth day in a row..."

ReallyDedPoet · 03-29-14, 04:29 PM

: )

donna52522 · 03-30-14, 12:26 AM

Did you hear that the worlds biggest optimist fell out a 79th floor window? As he sailed past the 20th floor he was overheard saying "Doing okay so far."

BossMark · 03-30-14, 07:16 AM

My teenage daughter just came home with a huge bouquet of flowers.

"What have you got them for?" I asked.

"Mothers Day." she replied.

It goes to show how much attention I pay, I didn't even know she had a kid.

03-27-14, 02:32 PM	#5836
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,168 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Kim Jong Un has ordered that all North Korean men must have their hair cut to be just like his. That's madness: everyone will look the same. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

03-27-14, 03:07 PM	#5837
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	It has been leaked to the press that further clampdowns are to be expected in North Korea, including a ban on listening to music that makes you feel happy. Coldplay are planning a tour there in the near future. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

03-27-14, 03:22 PM	#5838
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,168 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Face of Jesus found in yeast! The religious have have claimed it is proof he will rise again. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

03-28-14, 12:40 AM	#5839
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Got thrown out of the theatre during the Superman movie, but I was able to sneak back in by putting on glasses. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

03-28-14, 03:22 PM	#5840
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,168 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	After countless doctors' appointments and weeks of tests, the cause of my wife's obesity has finally been put down to a problem with her ears. They can hear the ice cream van coming. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

03-29-14, 03:49 AM	#5842
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	A new US reality show is soon to hit our screens in which single women are duped into believing they could get married to Prince Harry. There's a twist though. He looks just like Harry.. He talks just like Harry.. And he even acts just like Harry, but he's not really Prince Charles' son. Just like Harry. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

03-29-14, 11:04 AM	#5843
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,168 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I really hate my job as a male flasher and I was so close to quitting last week. But then I decided I would stick it out for a little while longer. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

03-29-14, 11:23 AM	#5844
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Somerset people are said to be delighted that the floods have finally receded. Now they can go back to using their 4x4's for the purpose for which they were originally intended. Taking the bloody kids to school. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

03-29-14, 11:26 AM	#5845
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,168 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	The UK Government has said that Scotland could end up as a Third World country if they vote for independence. I don't know if things will improve to that extent, but you never know. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

03-29-14, 11:51 AM	#5846
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I wish people would stop making wife jokes. What's funny about being married? __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

03-29-14, 12:21 PM	#5847
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,168 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I hit my wife in the face with a newspaper and she woke up. "What's going on?" she asked, in a state of shock. "There was a spider on your face," I exclaimed. She said, "That's the sixth day in a row..." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

03-29-14, 04:29 PM	#5848
ReallyDedPoet Canadian Wolf Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Canada. The one and only, East Coast Posts: 10,895 Downloads: 946 Uploads: 5	: ) __________________ Back in the Day

03-30-14, 12:26 AM	#5849
donna52522 Lady Mariner Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 544 Downloads: 225 Uploads: 0	Did you hear that the worlds biggest optimist fell out a 79th floor window? As he sailed past the 20th floor he was overheard saying "Doing okay so far." __________________

03-30-14, 07:16 AM	#5850
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	My teenage daughter just came home with a huge bouquet of flowers. "What have you got them for?" I asked. "Mothers Day." she replied. It goes to show how much attention I pay, I didn't even know she had a kid. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now