The joke thread II - Page 362

Jimbuna · 10-22-24, 08:08 AM

A hillbilly farmer who wanted to get a divorce paid a visit to a lawyer... The lawyer said, 'How can I help you?' The farmer said, 'I want to get one of them dayvorces.'
The lawyer said, 'Do you have any grounds?' The farmer said, 'Yes, I got 40 acres' The lawyer said, 'No, No, you don't understand, Do you have a suit?
The farmer said, 'Yes, I got a suit, I wears it to church on Sundays.' The lawyer said, 'No, no, I mean, do you have a case?' The farmer said, 'No, I ain't got a Case, but I got a John Deere.
The lawyer said, 'No, I mean, do you have a grudge?' The farmer said,'Yes, I got a grudge, that's where I parks the John Deere'
The lawyer said, 'Does your wife beat you up or something?' The farmer said, 'No, we both get up at 4:30.'
By now the lawyer is getting frustrated but tries one last question ..The lawyer said, 'Is your wife a nagger?' The farmer said, 'No, she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger and that's why I wants a dayvorce.'

Platapus · 10-22-24, 03:59 PM

Q: What’s the difference between death and taxes?

A: Congress doesn’t meet every year to make death worse.

Jimbuna · 10-23-24, 10:02 AM

I have an inferiority complex, but it's not a very good one.

Platapus · 10-23-24, 04:02 PM

Breaking news

Republicans and Democrats came together in Congress to allow medicinal marijuana for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain.

So, there is joint support for joints for joint support.

Jimbuna · 10-24-24, 05:44 AM

What do you call a lazy kangaroo?

A pouch potato.

Platapus · 10-24-24, 02:02 PM

Man: Two years ago, my brother ran for Congress.

Friend: What does he do now?

Man: Nothing—he got elected!

Platapus · 10-25-24, 03:06 AM

Q: Why do thieves never target politicians’ homes?

A: Professional courtesy.

Jimbuna · 10-25-24, 06:16 AM

My wife and I laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.

Platapus · 10-25-24, 05:49 PM

Q: What’s the most unfair thing about American politics?

A: We get 50 choices for Miss America, but only two for the president of America.

Platapus · 10-25-24, 05:51 PM

a fear of giants is called Fee-Fi-Foe-bia

Jimbuna · 10-26-24, 09:24 AM

I stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. Then it dawned on me.

Platapus · 10-26-24, 05:17 PM

I was arrested for impersonating a politician … but all I was doing was sitting in my office doing nothing!

Platapus · 10-27-24, 05:16 AM

If Chuck Norris were president, he’d protect the Secret Service.

Platapus · 10-27-24, 05:18 AM

My wife: You take everything so literal, it's affecting our relationship. I don't know what you and I have in common any more!

Me: They are both vowels.

Jimbuna · 10-27-24, 12:07 PM

Have you heard about the band 1023MB? It’s probably because they haven’t got a gig yet…

10-22-24, 08:08 AM	#5416
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,439 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A hillbilly farmer who wanted to get a divorce paid a visit to a lawyer... The lawyer said, 'How can I help you?' The farmer said, 'I want to get one of them dayvorces.' The lawyer said, 'Do you have any grounds?' The farmer said, 'Yes, I got 40 acres' The lawyer said, 'No, No, you don't understand, Do you have a suit? The farmer said, 'Yes, I got a suit, I wears it to church on Sundays.' The lawyer said, 'No, no, I mean, do you have a case?' The farmer said, 'No, I ain't got a Case, but I got a John Deere. The lawyer said, 'No, I mean, do you have a grudge?' The farmer said,'Yes, I got a grudge, that's where I parks the John Deere' The lawyer said, 'Does your wife beat you up or something?' The farmer said, 'No, we both get up at 4:30.' By now the lawyer is getting frustrated but tries one last question ..The lawyer said, 'Is your wife a nagger?' The farmer said, 'No, she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger and that's why I wants a dayvorce.' __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

10-22-24, 03:59 PM	#5417
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,442 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Q: What’s the difference between death and taxes? A: Congress doesn’t meet every year to make death worse. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-23-24, 10:02 AM	#5418
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,439 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I have an inferiority complex, but it's not a very good one. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

10-23-24, 04:02 PM	#5419
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,442 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Breaking news Republicans and Democrats came together in Congress to allow medicinal marijuana for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain. So, there is joint support for joints for joint support. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-24-24, 05:44 AM	#5420
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,439 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

10-24-24, 02:02 PM	#5421
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,442 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Man: Two years ago, my brother ran for Congress. Friend: What does he do now? Man: Nothing—he got elected! __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-25-24, 03:06 AM	#5422
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,442 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Q: Why do thieves never target politicians’ homes? A: Professional courtesy. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-25-24, 06:16 AM	#5423
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,439 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My wife and I laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

10-25-24, 05:49 PM	#5424
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,442 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Q: What’s the most unfair thing about American politics? A: We get 50 choices for Miss America, but only two for the president of America. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-25-24, 05:51 PM	#5425
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,442 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	a fear of giants is called Fee-Fi-Foe-bia __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-26-24, 09:24 AM	#5426
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,439 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. Then it dawned on me. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

10-26-24, 05:17 PM	#5427
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,442 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I was arrested for impersonating a politician … but all I was doing was sitting in my office doing nothing! __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-27-24, 05:16 AM	#5428
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,442 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	If Chuck Norris were president, he’d protect the Secret Service. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-27-24, 05:18 AM	#5429
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,442 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	My wife: You take everything so literal, it's affecting our relationship. I don't know what you and I have in common any more! Me: They are both vowels. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-27-24, 12:07 PM	#5430
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,439 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Have you heard about the band 1023MB? It’s probably because they haven’t got a gig yet… __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!