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04-23-24, 08:01 AM | #5206 |
Chief of the Boat
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The topic of the day at Army Airborne School was what you should do if your parachute malfunctions. We had just gotten to the part about reserve parachutes when another student raised his hand.
“If the main parachute malfunctions,” he said, “how long do we have to deploy the reserve?” Looking the trooper square in the face, the instructor replied, “The rest of your life.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
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04-23-24, 03:50 PM | #5207 |
Fleet Admiral
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Did you hear about the woman who couldn't stop collecting magazines?
She had issues.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
04-24-24, 10:33 AM | #5208 |
Chief of the Boat
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With a pile of 300 resumes on his desk and a need to pick someone quickly, my boss told me to make calls on 50 and toss the rest.
“Throw away 250 resumes?” I asked, shocked. “What if the best candidates are in there?” “You have a point,” he said. “But then again, I don’t need people with bad luck around here.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
04-24-24, 03:12 PM | #5209 |
Fleet Admiral
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What’s the best air to breathe if you want to be rich?
Millionaire.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
04-25-24, 08:53 AM | #5210 |
Chief of the Boat
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The English language often got the better of my German grandfather, a pastor. During one service, he announced that two members of his flock were getting married.
“You’re all invited to the wedding,” he told the congregation. “And also to the parish hall afterward for the conception.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
04-25-24, 02:52 PM | #5211 |
Fleet Admiral
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Where do armies belong?
In your sleevies.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
04-26-24, 05:05 AM | #5212 |
Chief of the Boat
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Randy Pausch is a renowned computer science professor, but that didn’t carry much weight with his mother. After he got his PhD, she introduced him to friends by saying, “This is my son. He’s a doctor, but not the kind who helps people.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
04-26-24, 11:48 AM | #5213 |
XO
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 419
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"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.
But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
__________________
Kapitänleutnant Vlad von Carstein - U-Flotilla Saltzwedel - U-123, Type IXB SH3 GWX 3.0 |
04-26-24, 12:26 PM | #5214 |
Chief of the Boat
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Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
04-26-24, 05:38 PM | #5215 |
Fleet Admiral
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Why do nurses like red crayons?
Sometimes they have to draw blood.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
04-27-24, 09:26 AM | #5216 |
Chief of the Boat
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About a week after my son left for boot training, I happened to go into his room for an afternoon nap. His bed was still warm and cozy, and I seemed to feel his presence. I wrote and told him that either my mind was playing tricks on me or some supernatural phenomenon had comforted me.
I was still trying to figure out the “miraculous” warmth when his reply came. “Sorry, Mother, I forgot. Turn off my electric blanket.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
04-28-24, 01:09 PM | #5217 |
Chief of the Boat
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Mr. and Mrs. Shaw were on safari in Africa, walking through the jungle. Suddenly a huge lion sprang out of the bushes and seized Mrs. Shaw, dragging her off.
“Shoot!” she screamed to her husband. “Shoot!” “I can’t!” he shouted back. “I’ve run out of film!”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
04-29-24, 01:32 PM | #5218 |
Chief of the Boat
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After finishing our Chinese food, my husband and I cracked open our fortune cookies.
Mine read, “Be quiet for a little while.” His read, “Talk while you have a chance.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
04-29-24, 04:20 PM | #5219 |
Fleet Admiral
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Why did the cowboy adopt a wiener dog?
He wanted to get a long little doggie.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
04-30-24, 12:51 PM | #5220 |
Chief of the Boat
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A last-minute filer walked into our state income tax office and handed me his returns. Just as he did, a peal of laughter could be heard in another room.
Glaring at me, he grumbled, “What are they doing back there, counting the money?”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
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