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04-15-24, 07:14 AM | #5191 |
Chief of the Boat
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in the mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
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04-15-24, 03:12 PM | #5192 |
Fleet Admiral
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Since moonlight is just reflected sunlight, why aren't all vampires killed automatically at night?
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abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
04-16-24, 05:48 AM | #5193 |
Chief of the Boat
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I was already a nervous wreck about my upcoming surgery. It didn’t help matters when the admitting nurse absent-mindedly asked me, “Have you had a hysterectomy before?”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
04-16-24, 03:46 PM | #5194 |
Fleet Admiral
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Did you hear about the bossy man at the bar?
He ordered everyone around.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
04-17-24, 06:24 AM | #5195 |
Chief of the Boat
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A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. “I’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” he says.
“Sorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. “You’re out of your head.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
04-17-24, 02:37 PM | #5196 |
Fleet Admiral
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Did you hear about the broken guitar for sale?
It comes with no strings attached.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
04-18-24, 05:54 AM | #5197 |
Chief of the Boat
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I hang on to my old, beat-up appliances as long as they keep working. I thought my wife shared, or at least accepted, my philosophy. But the other morning, I saw a note posted in front of my 15-year-old coffeemaker: “Jurassic Perk.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
04-18-24, 03:20 PM | #5198 |
Fleet Admiral
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I wanted to take a bath,
but decided to leave it where it is.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
04-19-24, 06:48 AM | #5199 |
Chief of the Boat
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Three rough-looking bikers stomp into a truck stop where a grizzled old-timer is having breakfast.
One of the bikers extinguishes his cigarette in the old guy’s pancakes. The second biker spits a wad of chewing tobacco into his coffee. The third biker dumps the whole plate onto the floor. Without a word of protest, the old guy pays his bill and leaves. “Not much of a man, was he?” says one of the bikers. “Not much of a driver, either,” says the waitress. “He just backed his truck over three motorcycles.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
04-20-24, 12:01 PM | #5200 |
Chief of the Boat
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Two old friends, Ned and John, lived for baseball. Then one day, John died, leaving Ned inconsolable. A few weeks later, Ned heard someone calling his name. He looked up. Standing on a cloud was his old pal.
“Ned,” John called down, “I have good news and bad. The good news is, there’s baseball in heaven!” “Great,” said Ned. “What’s the bad news?” “You’re pitching Sunday.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
04-21-24, 06:12 AM | #5201 |
Fleet Admiral
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My therapist advised me to write letters to people I was mad at and then burn them.
I told her, sounds good, but what do I do with the letters?
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
04-21-24, 01:18 PM | #5202 |
Chief of the Boat
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As the hedge fund manager gets out of his brand-new Porsche, a truck goes racing by, taking off the door. “My Porsche! My beautiful silver Porsche is ruined!” he screams.
A police officer on the scene shakes his head in disgust. “I can’t believe you,” he says. “You’re so focused on your possessions that you didn’t even realize your left arm was torn off when the truck hit you.” The hedge fund manager looks down in absolute horror. “Oh, no!” he cries. “My Rolex!”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
04-22-24, 12:30 AM | #5203 |
Sea Lord
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Reno Nevada USA
Posts: 1,860
Downloads: 85
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John and Mary meet each other on a cruise and they hit it off very well. It turns out they both enjoy the same things and they continue to see each other after the cruise is over.
They both realize that they are meant for each other and at dinner in an upscale restaurant John proposes marriage but says to her, "Before you answer, I have to confess one thing, I am totally into golf. I play three or four times a week, I watch it on TV and I try to go to tournaments whenever possible. Golf is always on my mind". Mary looks at him and says, "I also have a confession, you don't know this about me but I'm a hooker." John is quiet when he hears this but then says, "It's probably because your moving your wrists on your swing.".. Magic
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Reported lost 11 Feb. 1942 Signature by depthtok33l |
04-22-24, 05:35 AM | #5204 |
Chief of the Boat
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Few people know what a quartermaster does. So during my aircraft carrier’s Family Day, I demonstrated a procedure called semaphore—I grabbed my flags and signaled an imaginary boat.
When finished, I pointed to a little girl in front and asked, “Now do you know what I do?” “Yes,” she said. “You’re a cheerleader.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
04-22-24, 03:06 PM | #5205 |
Fleet Admiral
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Why'd the roofer go to the doctor?
He had shingles.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
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