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04-07-24, 11:14 AM | #5176 |
Chief of the Boat
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I was administering an achievement test to David, a precocious six-year-old, and I began by asking him when his birthday was.
“February 20,” was his quick response. Next I asked him, “What year, David?” He looked at me quizzically at first and then hit upon the obvious answer. “Every year,” he said.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
04-07-24, 11:42 AM | #5177 |
Fleet Admiral
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My grandson asked me where I was born
I told him, Texas What part?, Grandpa? All of me.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
04-08-24, 08:29 AM | #5178 |
Chief of the Boat
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“I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her way. Second, let her have it.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
04-08-24, 02:59 PM | #5179 |
Fleet Admiral
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In my marriage, we have an agreement
I am in charge of all the big decisions and she is in charge of all the small decisions. In 30 years, there has not been a need for a big decision yet.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
04-09-24, 06:20 AM | #5180 |
Chief of the Boat
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Phoning a patient, the doctor says, “I have some bad news and some worse news. The bad news is that you have only 24 hours left to live.”
“That is bad news,” the patient replies. “What could be worse?” The doctor answers, “I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
04-09-24, 04:07 PM | #5181 |
Fleet Admiral
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Before Mount Rushmore was sculptured, its beauty was....
(puts on sunglasses) unprecedented.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
04-10-24, 07:23 AM | #5182 |
Chief of the Boat
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A police officer arrives at the scene of an accident to find a car smashed into a tree. The officer rushes over to the vehicle and asks the driver, “Are you seriously hurt?”
“How should I know?” the driver responds. “I’m not a lawyer!”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
04-10-24, 04:48 PM | #5183 |
Fleet Admiral
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hen does Friday come before Thursday?
In the dictionary.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
04-11-24, 08:12 AM | #5184 |
Chief of the Boat
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“First, the doctor told me the good news. He said that I was going to have a disease named after me.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
04-12-24, 06:18 AM | #5185 |
Chief of the Boat
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“Hello, Reverend Smith? This is the Internal Revenue Service. Is Samuel Jones a member of your congregation?”
“He is.” “Did he donate $10,000 to the church?” “He will.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
04-12-24, 02:59 PM | #5186 |
Fleet Admiral
|
Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink?
He's at the hospital waiting to be seen.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
04-13-24, 06:25 AM | #5187 |
Chief of the Boat
|
One Sunday, a minister played hooky from church so he could shoot a round of golf. St. Peter, looking down from Heaven, seethed. “You’re going to let him get away with this, God?”
The Lord shook his head. The minister took his first shot. The ball soared through the air 420 yards and dropped into the cup for a hole in one. St. Peter was outraged. “I thought you were going to punish him!” The Lord shrugged. “Who’s he going to tell?”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
04-14-24, 11:48 AM | #5188 |
Fleet Admiral
|
What's a zebra?
A couple sizes bigger than an A.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
04-14-24, 01:31 PM | #5189 |
Chief of the Boat
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I’d offered to drive my mother-in-law to the doctor’s. But when I arrived at her house, I found her gossiping away with a neighbor.
“Mom, we’ve got to go,” I interjected, but she couldn’t hear me over the chatter. “Mom!” I repeated as I pulled her away. “Sorry, but I didn’t know what to do,” she said, getting into the car. “That woman wouldn’t stop listening to me.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
04-14-24, 04:46 PM | #5190 |
Village Idiot
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I'm just curious… who was the first person to look at a split open oyster and think........
"what a nice piece of snot! I'll bet that tastes delicious!"? Not sure but I'd bet there was a Mom yelling............ "Put that down! Oh My God!!! Did you just eat that?" |
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