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03-31-24, 02:07 PM | #5161 |
Chief of the Boat
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When my brother began his psychiatric practice, his first patient was a particularly good-looking young woman. My brother motioned for her to lie down on the couch, but the woman hesitated until he reassured her that it was part of the therapy procedure. Once on the couch, she smoothed her dress around her legs and began to relax a bit.
“Now then,” he asked, “how did your trouble begin?” “Just like this,” she said.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
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04-01-24, 11:32 AM | #5162 |
Chief of the Boat
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A reporter covering the Iowa State Legislature proceedings wore light summer shoes on a day when it snowed, and the following day—a pleasant, dry one—he wore overshoes. A legislator asked him about it. “It’s the effect of being around government,” he replied. “I am now prepared for yesterday.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
04-01-24, 03:03 PM | #5163 |
Fleet Admiral
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What do clouds wear beneath their pants?
Thunderwear.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
04-02-24, 05:36 AM | #5164 |
Chief of the Boat
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One day a man showed up at the office wearing a pair of new shoes made of turtle skin. When a co-worker asked him how he liked them, he replied thoughtfully, “Well, they’re the most comfortable shoes I’ve ever worn but I do have one unusual problem with them. It took me an hour and a half to walk out of the store.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
04-02-24, 02:56 PM | #5165 |
Fleet Admiral
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What's the best way to catch a fish?
Ask someone to throw it to you.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
04-03-24, 09:24 AM | #5166 |
Chief of the Boat
|
“My son had to give up his career because of fallen arches.”
“He’s an athlete?” “No—an architect.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
04-03-24, 04:29 PM | #5167 |
Fleet Admiral
|
Why shouldn't you tell jokes to a duck?
Because they'll quack up.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
04-04-24, 09:23 AM | #5168 |
Chief of the Boat
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Did you hear…about the veterinarian who prescribes birth-control pills for dogs? It’s part of an anti-litter campaign.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
04-04-24, 03:37 PM | #5169 |
Fleet Admiral
|
What do you call a fake dad?
A faux pas.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
04-05-24, 06:15 AM | #5170 |
Chief of the Boat
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A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, “How long have you been wearing that bra?”
The friend replies, “Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
04-05-24, 04:01 PM | #5171 |
Fleet Admiral
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Is there anything worse than when it's raining cats and dogs?
Yes, hailing taxis.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
04-06-24, 04:37 AM | #5172 |
Chief of the Boat
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“I wish I had enough money to buy an elephant.”
“What on earth do you need an elephant for?” “I don’t. I just need the money.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
04-06-24, 06:03 AM | #5173 |
Fleet Admiral
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How many apples can you grow on a tree?
All of them.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
04-06-24, 12:22 PM | #5174 |
Chief of the Boat
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While I was making farewell visits before moving to a new parish, an elderly member of the congregation paid me the compliment of suggesting that my successor would not be as good as I had been.
“Nonsense,” I replied, flattered. “No, really,” she insisted. “I’ve lived here under five different ministers, and each new one has been worse than the last.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
04-06-24, 03:15 PM | #5175 |
Fleet Admiral
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My manager told me to have a good day.
So I didn't go into work.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
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