The joke thread II - Page 332

Platapus · 01-12-24, 08:17 AM

I asked the corporate wellness officer, “Can you teach me yoga?” He said, “How flexible are you?”

I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”

Jimbuna · 01-12-24, 12:55 PM

You have the perfect face for radio.

Platapus · 01-12-24, 06:03 PM

My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.

Jimbuna · 01-13-24, 07:49 AM

If a fire-fighter's business can go up in smoke, and a plumber's business can go down the drain, can a hooker get laid off?

Platapus · 01-13-24, 08:03 AM

Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket?

“Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.”

Jimbuna · 01-13-24, 09:26 AM

When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise!

Platapus · 01-14-24, 08:46 AM

At home, my wife treats me like a God.

I’m generally ignored until she wants something.

Jimbuna · 01-14-24, 02:08 PM

What do you call a woman who is paralyzed from the waist down? Married.

Platapus · 01-14-24, 04:09 PM

What do you call that useless piece of skin at the end of the penis?

The Man.

Platapus · 01-15-24, 05:14 AM

Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”

Dad: “Call me George.”

Jimbuna · 01-15-24, 09:45 AM

Friends are like boobs. Some big,some small. Some real, some fake.

Platapus · 01-15-24, 11:34 AM

I’d like to have kids one day.

I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that, though.

Jimbuna · 01-15-24, 02:07 PM

Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.

Jimbuna · 01-16-24, 09:18 AM

How does a man take a bubble bath? He eats beans for dinner.

Platapus · 01-16-24, 12:08 PM

Today I made a decision to go to my childhood house. I asked the residents if I may come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, however, they refused and slammed the door on my face.

My mother and father are the worst.

01-12-24, 08:17 AM	#4966
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,439 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I asked the corporate wellness officer, “Can you teach me yoga?” He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.” __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-12-24, 12:55 PM	#4967
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,405 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	You have the perfect face for radio. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

01-12-24, 06:03 PM	#4968
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,439 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-13-24, 07:49 AM	#4969
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,405 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	If a fire-fighter's business can go up in smoke, and a plumber's business can go down the drain, can a hooker get laid off? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

01-13-24, 08:03 AM	#4970
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,439 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket? “Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.” __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-13-24, 09:26 AM	#4971
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,405 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

01-14-24, 08:46 AM	#4972
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,439 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	At home, my wife treats me like a God. I’m generally ignored until she wants something. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-14-24, 02:08 PM	#4973
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,405 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What do you call a woman who is paralyzed from the waist down? Married. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

01-14-24, 04:09 PM	#4974
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,439 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	What do you call that useless piece of skin at the end of the penis? The Man. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-15-24, 05:14 AM	#4975
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,439 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?” Dad: “Call me George.” __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-15-24, 09:45 AM	#4976
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,405 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Friends are like boobs. Some big,some small. Some real, some fake. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

01-15-24, 11:34 AM	#4977
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,439 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I’d like to have kids one day. I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that, though. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-15-24, 02:07 PM	#4978
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,405 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

01-16-24, 09:18 AM	#4979
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,405 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	How does a man take a bubble bath? He eats beans for dinner. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

01-16-24, 12:08 PM	#4980
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,439 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Today I made a decision to go to my childhood house. I asked the residents if I may come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, however, they refused and slammed the door on my face. My mother and father are the worst. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.