The joke thread - Page 331

Jimbuna · 10-10-13, 09:07 AM

My boss told me off today because I'm always turning things into a joke.

"So have I made myself clear?" He said.

"No I can still see you." I replied.

BossMark · 10-10-13, 02:34 PM

I called the taxi driver to ask how much a lift to the station would be.

"£30," he said.

"That's a bit steep," I replied, "I normally pay £10."

"I'll meet you halfway," he suggested.

"Great," I said. But after walking for 2 hours the bugger never showed up.

Jimbuna · 10-10-13, 02:38 PM

I've discovered the antidote for a Viagra overdose.

A picture of my wife.

BossMark · 10-10-13, 02:48 PM

My girlfriend has just made me the happiest man in the world.

I went down on one knee to propose and she said no.

Jimbuna · 10-11-13, 03:48 AM

I feel sorry for the kids of today with all the awful music they have to listen to...

Wasn't like that back in my day, with Paper Lace, Smokie, The Partridge Family & Donny Osmond!

BossMark · 10-11-13, 03:07 PM

I phoned my boss this morning and said, "I won't be in today, due to an excess of taste buds."

He said, "How does that stop you coming to work?"

I replied, "Well, I tasted about twenty Buds last night and now I'm hungover."

simon.c · 10-11-13, 03:44 PM

wait untill you have a stroke,you'l be laughing on the other side of your face!

Herr-Berbunch · 10-12-13, 02:01 AM

So the media reckon that the latest Grand Theft Auto will encourage more car thieves, but I've got the Coronation Street board game and I'm not a paedophile.

BossMark · 10-12-13, 03:41 AM

I've decided to write to Boots the Chemist to complain about the strength of their soluble painkillers.

Every day I have been slipping these painkillers into my wife's tea but when it comes time for sex,
she still complains of a headache.

Jimbuna · 10-12-13, 06:30 AM

This week nine missing episodes of 1960s Doctor Who have been found at a TV station in Nigeria.

The TV station found them 6 years ago but no one replied to their emails.

BossMark · 10-12-13, 10:35 AM

"I think I suffer from Claustrophobia." I said to my mate.

"That's the fear of closed spaces, what makes you think that?" He asked

"Well every time I go to the pub I'm scared it might be shut."

Jimbuna · 10-12-13, 10:50 AM

Doctors in Glasgow are baffled by my condition.

I'm 43 years old and have perfect liver function.

BossMark · 10-12-13, 10:56 AM

I've been trying on sports caps for the past half hour but I can't seem to find one that fits.

Some woman was offering assistance but I couldn't hear her through my motorcycle helmet.

Jimbuna · 10-12-13, 03:03 PM

I got the new Pokemon game for my son today. Unfortunately, I think it is the American version though.

He gets charged every time he needs to heal them.

Catfish · 10-12-13, 05:16 PM

^

10-10-13, 09:07 AM	#4951
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,168 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My boss told me off today because I'm always turning things into a joke. "So have I made myself clear?" He said. "No I can still see you." I replied. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

10-10-13, 02:34 PM	#4952
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I called the taxi driver to ask how much a lift to the station would be. "£30," he said. "That's a bit steep," I replied, "I normally pay £10." "I'll meet you halfway," he suggested. "Great," I said. But after walking for 2 hours the bugger never showed up. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

10-10-13, 02:38 PM	#4953
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,168 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I've discovered the antidote for a Viagra overdose. A picture of my wife. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

10-10-13, 02:48 PM	#4954
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	My girlfriend has just made me the happiest man in the world. I went down on one knee to propose and she said no. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

10-11-13, 03:48 AM	#4955
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,168 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I feel sorry for the kids of today with all the awful music they have to listen to... Wasn't like that back in my day, with Paper Lace, Smokie, The Partridge Family & Donny Osmond! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

10-11-13, 03:07 PM	#4956
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I phoned my boss this morning and said, "I won't be in today, due to an excess of taste buds." He said, "How does that stop you coming to work?" I replied, "Well, I tasted about twenty Buds last night and now I'm hungover." __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

10-11-13, 03:44 PM	#4957
simon.c Loader Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: bath. England Posts: 84 Downloads: 225 Uploads: 0	wait untill you have a stroke,you'l be laughing on the other side of your face!

10-12-13, 02:01 AM	#4958
Herr-Berbunch Kaiser Bill's batman Join Date: May 2010 Location: AN72 Posts: 13,203 Downloads: 76 Uploads: 0	So the media reckon that the latest Grand Theft Auto will encourage more car thieves, but I've got the Coronation Street board game and I'm not a paedophile. __________________

10-12-13, 03:41 AM	#4959
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I've decided to write to Boots the Chemist to complain about the strength of their soluble painkillers. Every day I have been slipping these painkillers into my wife's tea but when it comes time for sex, she still complains of a headache. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

10-12-13, 06:30 AM	#4960
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,168 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	This week nine missing episodes of 1960s Doctor Who have been found at a TV station in Nigeria. The TV station found them 6 years ago but no one replied to their emails. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

10-12-13, 10:35 AM	#4961
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	"I think I suffer from Claustrophobia." I said to my mate. "That's the fear of closed spaces, what makes you think that?" He asked "Well every time I go to the pub I'm scared it might be shut." __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

10-12-13, 10:50 AM	#4962
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,168 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Doctors in Glasgow are baffled by my condition. I'm 43 years old and have perfect liver function. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

10-12-13, 10:56 AM	#4963
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I've been trying on sports caps for the past half hour but I can't seem to find one that fits. Some woman was offering assistance but I couldn't hear her through my motorcycle helmet. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

10-12-13, 03:03 PM	#4964
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,168 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I got the new Pokemon game for my son today. Unfortunately, I think it is the American version though. He gets charged every time he needs to heal them. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

10-12-13, 05:16 PM	#4965
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 17,814 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	^