The joke thread II - Page 328

Platapus · 12-22-23, 06:43 AM

Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.
That’s just how I roll.

Jimbuna · 12-22-23, 06:52 AM

I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.

Jimbuna · 12-22-23, 12:45 PM

Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.

Platapus · 12-22-23, 03:36 PM

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender says, “Sorry we don’t serve food here.”

Catfish · 12-22-23, 03:51 PM

English is easy, at least when it's Pidgin.

Else.. easy to pronounce, ea is always pronounced as eeee.

Like in "Sea of Heartbreak"

Ahem.

Jimbuna · 12-23-23, 07:46 AM

I went to buy a pair of camouflage pants, but I couldn’t find any.

Jimbuna · 12-23-23, 08:08 AM

Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.

Platapus · 12-24-23, 06:36 AM

I was interrogated over the theft of a cheese toastie.
Man, they really grilled me.

Jimbuna · 12-24-23, 08:08 AM

I haven’t talked to my wife in a week — I didn’t want to interrupt her.

Platapus · 12-24-23, 10:51 AM

A joke about communism isn't funny

… unless everyone gets it.

Jimbuna · 12-24-23, 11:31 AM

Why are pigs bad drivers? They hog the road.

Platapus · 12-24-23, 01:20 PM

Why can’t you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the pee is silent!

Jimbuna · 12-25-23, 04:58 AM

I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!

Platapus · 12-25-23, 06:00 AM

Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.

Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

Jimbuna · 12-26-23, 06:49 AM

Why did police arrest the turkey? They suspected fowl play.

12-22-23, 06:43 AM	#4906
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,422 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

12-22-23, 06:52 AM	#4907
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I used to be a banker, but I lost interest. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-22-23, 12:45 PM	#4908
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-22-23, 03:36 PM	#4909
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,422 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “Sorry we don’t serve food here.” __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

12-22-23, 03:51 PM	#4910
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 17,819 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	English is easy, at least when it's Pidgin. Else.. easy to pronounce, ea is always pronounced as eeee. Like in "Sea of Heartbreak" Ahem. __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

12-23-23, 07:46 AM	#4911
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I went to buy a pair of camouflage pants, but I couldn’t find any. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-23-23, 08:08 AM	#4912
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-24-23, 06:36 AM	#4913
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,422 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I was interrogated over the theft of a cheese toastie. Man, they really grilled me. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

12-24-23, 08:08 AM	#4914
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I haven’t talked to my wife in a week — I didn’t want to interrupt her. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-24-23, 10:51 AM	#4915
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,422 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	A joke about communism isn't funny … unless everyone gets it. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

12-24-23, 11:31 AM	#4916
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why are pigs bad drivers? They hog the road. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-24-23, 01:20 PM	#4917
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,422 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Why can’t you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent! __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

12-25-23, 04:58 AM	#4918
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-25-23, 06:00 AM	#4919
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,422 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

12-26-23, 06:49 AM	#4920
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why did police arrest the turkey? They suspected fowl play. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!