The joke thread II - Page 314

Jimbuna · 10-13-23, 06:29 AM

What do you call a man wearing a rug on his head? Matt.

Platapus · 10-13-23, 02:30 PM

What happened when 19 got in to a fight with 20?

21

Jimbuna · 10-14-23, 09:01 AM

What did one plate say to another plate? Tonight, dinner's on me.

Platapus · 10-14-23, 04:16 PM

My grandfather was terrible, until I had my first kid

Then he was a great grandfather

Jimbuna · 10-15-23, 06:31 AM

Did you hear about the king that went to the dentist? He needed to get crowns.

Platapus · 10-15-23, 11:27 AM

Geology rocks

But Geography is where it's at

Aktungbby · 10-15-23, 12:48 PM

In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. “Will I die?” she asks.

God says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.”

With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. So since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants and collagen injections in her lips. She looks great!

The day she’s discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed.

Up in heaven, she sees God. “You said I had 30 more years to live,” she complains.

“That’s true,” says God.

“So what happened?”

God shrugs. “I didn’t recognize you.”

Jimbuna · 10-15-23, 12:51 PM

What happens when doctors get frustrated? They lose their patients.

Jimbuna · 10-16-23, 05:44 AM

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

Jimbuna · 10-16-23, 05:47 AM

Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.

Aktungbby · 10-16-23, 09:08 AM

A priest, a minister and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”

They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”

Jimbuna · 10-16-23, 12:02 PM

Why do nurses like red crayons? Sometimes they have to draw blood.

Platapus · 10-16-23, 02:16 PM

What is brown and sounds like a bell?

Dung

Jimbuna · 10-17-23, 06:03 AM

What kind of jewelry do rabbits wear? 14 carrot gold.

Jimbuna · 10-17-23, 01:41 PM

Why can't the sailor learn the alphabet? Because he kept getting lost at C.

10-13-23, 06:29 AM	#4696
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,753 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What do you call a man wearing a rug on his head? Matt. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-13-23, 02:30 PM	#4697
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,995 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	What happened when 19 got in to a fight with 20? 21 __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-14-23, 09:01 AM	#4698
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,753 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What did one plate say to another plate? Tonight, dinner's on me. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-14-23, 04:16 PM	#4699
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,995 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	My grandfather was terrible, until I had my first kid Then he was a great grandfather __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-15-23, 06:31 AM	#4700
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,753 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Did you hear about the king that went to the dentist? He needed to get crowns. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-15-23, 11:27 AM	#4701
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,995 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Geology rocks But Geography is where it's at __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-15-23, 12:48 PM	#4702
Aktungbby Gefallen Engel U-666 Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: On a tilted, overheated, overpopulated spinning mudball on Collision course with Andromeda Galaxy Posts: 28,020 Downloads: 22 Uploads: 0	In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. “Will I die?” she asks. God says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.” With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. So since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants and collagen injections in her lips. She looks great! The day she’s discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed. Up in heaven, she sees God. “You said I had 30 more years to live,” she complains. “That’s true,” says God. “So what happened?” God shrugs. “I didn’t recognize you.” __________________ "Only two things are infinite; The Universe and human squirrelyness; and I'm not too sure about the Universe"

10-15-23, 12:51 PM	#4703
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,753 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What happens when doctors get frustrated? They lose their patients. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-16-23, 05:44 AM	#4704
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,753 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-16-23, 05:47 AM	#4705
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,753 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-16-23, 09:08 AM	#4706
Aktungbby Gefallen Engel U-666 Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: On a tilted, overheated, overpopulated spinning mudball on Collision course with Andromeda Galaxy Posts: 28,020 Downloads: 22 Uploads: 0	A priest, a minister and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.” “I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.” They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.” __________________ "Only two things are infinite; The Universe and human squirrelyness; and I'm not too sure about the Universe"

10-16-23, 12:02 PM	#4707
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,753 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why do nurses like red crayons? Sometimes they have to draw blood. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-16-23, 02:16 PM	#4708
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,995 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	What is brown and sounds like a bell? Dung __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-17-23, 06:03 AM	#4709
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,753 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What kind of jewelry do rabbits wear? 14 carrot gold. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-17-23, 01:41 PM	#4710
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,753 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why can't the sailor learn the alphabet? Because he kept getting lost at C. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)