The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, died and went to heaven... - Page 3

mcf1 · 07-19-08, 08:31 AM

:rotfl: :rotfl: to Schroeder and jimbuna

Sailor Steve · 07-19-08, 08:35 AM

Well, Jim, those are some good ones, but the 'horse and chicken' joke made me clean my keyboard for the second time in as many days.

Jimbuna · 07-19-08, 01:17 PM

Albert Einstein arrives at a dinner party. He introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, "What's your IQ?"
The man answers, "241."

"That is wonderful!" says Albert. "We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have much to discuss!"

Next, Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What's your IQ?"
The lady answers, "144."
"That is great!" responds Albert. "We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!"

Albert goes to another person and asks, "What's your IQ?"
The man answers, "51."

Albert's face lights up as he exclaims, "So you're the one who rides the Harley parked out front!"

mcf1 · 07-20-08, 12:55 AM

:rotfl:

Q: Why do harley riders never ride faster than 50mph???
A: Any faster and they can't see where the parts fell off.

Q: Why do harley riders chrome all their parts???
A: It makes them easier to spot on the side of the road

Jimbuna · 07-20-08, 09:51 AM

Q: A Harley owner and a NASCAR fan get in a fight, who wins?

A: We all do!

Q: What's the happiest day in a Harley rider's life?
A: When they discover that they can use Right Guard(tm) under their left arm.

Q: What do you have when you put 10,000 Harley Davidson motorcycles on the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.

Q. Where do you put money to hide it from a harley rider?
A. In the bathroom...under the soap.

Did you hear about the HD owner who put Odor Eaters(tm) in his new riding boots?
Two days later, he disappeared.

Sailor Steve · 07-20-08, 10:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mcf1

:rotfl:

Q: Why do harley riders never ride faster than 50mph???
A: Any faster and they can't see where the parts fell off.

Q: Why do harley riders chrome all their parts???
A: It makes them easier to spot on the side of the road

Those remind me of one I heard back in the '70s:

Q: What's the best way to get a Harley?
A: Follow one.

mcf1 · 07-20-08, 11:54 AM

A fellow finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St. Peter explains that its not so easy to get in heaven. There are some criteria before entry is allowed.

For example, was the man religious in life? Attend church? No? St. Peter told him that's bad.

Was he generous? give money to the poor? Charities? No? St. Peter told him that that too was bad.

Did he do any good deeds? Help his neighbor? Anything? No? St. Peter was becoming concerned.

Exasperated, Peter says, "Look, everybody does something nice sometime. Work with me, I'm trying to help. Now think!"

The man says, "There was this old lady. I came out of a store and found her surrounded by a dozen Hell's Angels. They had taken her purse and were shoving her around, taunting and abusing her.

I got so mad I threw my bags down, fought through the crowd, and got her purse back. I then helped her to her feet. I then went up to the biggest, baddest biker and told him how despicable, cowardly and mean he was and then spat in his face".

"Wow", said Peter, "That's impressive. When did this happen"?

"Oh, about 10 minutes ago", replied the man.

Tango589 · 07-20-08, 02:13 PM

*mcf1*:rotfl:

An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western town one day;

He'd been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey.

He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the
hitch rail. As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and
clothes, a young gunslinger walked out of the saloon with a gun in one hand
and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old
man, have you ever danced?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance. I just never wanted to."

A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said, "Well, you old fool,
you're gonna' dance now," and started shooting at the old
man's feet. The
old prospector was hopping around and everybody was laughing.

When the gunslinger fired his last bullet, he holstered his gun and turned
around to go back into the saloon.

The old man reached up on the mule, drew his shotgun, and pulled both
hammers back making a double clicking sound.

The gunslinger heard the sound and everything got quiet. The crowd watched
as the gunslinger slowly turned around looking down both barrels of the
shotgun.

The old man asked, "Did you ever kiss a mule's butt?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No. But I've always wanted
to."

The lessons from this story are:

1. Don't waste ammunition.
2. Don't mess with old people.

Jimbuna · 07-20-08, 03:08 PM

Want to see what it would be like to ride a Harley Davidson? Click HERE to find out!

Tango589 · 07-20-08, 03:15 PM

I used to have a car like that!

mcf1 · 07-21-08, 11:47 AM

Alliens
Survival guide

http://video.msn.com/?mkt=en-us&vid=...5936&GT1=42003
a video about how to survive an allien invasion
(sorry about the commercial at the begining)

Jimbuna · 07-21-08, 03:26 PM

Ten MORE Reasons Why Harley Owners Won't Wave At Other Bikers

Afraid it will invalidate warranty.
Leather and studs make it too hard to raise arm.
Refuses to wave to anyone whose bike is already paid for.
Afraid to let go of handlebars because they might vibrate off.
Rushing wind would blow scabs off the new tattoos.
Angry because just took out second mortgage to pay luxury tax on new Harley.
Just discovered the fine print in owner's manual and realized H-D is partially owned by those rice-burner manufacturers.
Can't tell if other riders are waving or just reaching to cover their ears like everyone else.
Remembers the last time a Harley rider waved back, he impaled his hand on spiked helmet.
They're jealous that after spending $30,000,they still don't own a BMW K1200 LT

FIREWALL · 07-21-08, 04:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimbuna

Ten MORE Reasons Why Harley Owners Won't Wave At Other Bikers

Afraid it will invalidate warranty.
Leather and studs make it too hard to raise arm.
Refuses to wave to anyone whose bike is already paid for.
Afraid to let go of handlebars because they might vibrate off.
Rushing wind would blow scabs off the new tattoos.
Angry because just took out second mortgage to pay luxury tax on new Harley.
Just discovered the fine print in owner's manual and realized H-D is partially owned by those rice-burner manufacturers.
Can't tell if other riders are waving or just reaching to cover their ears like everyone else.
Remembers the last time a Harley rider waved back, he impaled his hand on spiked helmet.
They're jealous that after spending $30,000,they still don't own a BMW K1200 LT

Oh Jim ! Your such a poet and a dreamer. :rotfl:

Jimbuna · 07-21-08, 04:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FIREWALL

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimbuna

Ten MORE Reasons Why Harley Owners Won't Wave At Other Bikers

Afraid it will invalidate warranty.
Leather and studs make it too hard to raise arm.
Refuses to wave to anyone whose bike is already paid for.
Afraid to let go of handlebars because they might vibrate off.
Rushing wind would blow scabs off the new tattoos.
Angry because just took out second mortgage to pay luxury tax on new Harley.
Just discovered the fine print in owner's manual and realized H-D is partially owned by those rice-burner manufacturers.
Can't tell if other riders are waving or just reaching to cover their ears like everyone else.
Remembers the last time a Harley rider waved back, he impaled his hand on spiked helmet.
They're jealous that after spending $30,000,they still don't own a BMW K1200 LT

Oh Jim ! Your such a poet and a dreamer. :rotfl:

....and a good friend of mine bought a Harley mid last year

FIREWALL · 07-21-08, 04:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimbuna

Quote:

Originally Posted by FIREWALL

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimbuna

Ten MORE Reasons Why Harley Owners Won't Wave At Other Bikers

Afraid it will invalidate warranty.
Leather and studs make it too hard to raise arm.
Refuses to wave to anyone whose bike is already paid for.
Afraid to let go of handlebars because they might vibrate off.
Rushing wind would blow scabs off the new tattoos.
Angry because just took out second mortgage to pay luxury tax on new Harley.
Just discovered the fine print in owner's manual and realized H-D is partially owned by those rice-burner manufacturers.
Can't tell if other riders are waving or just reaching to cover their ears like everyone else.
Remembers the last time a Harley rider waved back, he impaled his hand on spiked helmet.
They're jealous that after spending $30,000,they still don't own a BMW K1200 LT

Oh Jim ! Your such a poet and a dreamer. :rotfl:

....and a good friend of mine bought a Harley mid last year

And you always have a friend here, who owns 2 HD's

I sure would like to see you at the SS Convention.

We would be the first in SS history to get Brigged for drunk on duty.:rotfl:

Just think, We would almost be Immortal in the next SS Almanac.:p

07-19-08, 08:35 AM	#32
Sailor Steve Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: High in the mountains of Utah Posts: 50,369 Downloads: 745 Uploads: 249	Well, Jim, those are some good ones, but the 'horse and chicken' joke made me clean my keyboard for the second time in as many days. __________________ “Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo

07-19-08, 01:17 PM	#33
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,615 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Albert Einstein arrives at a dinner party. He introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, "What's your IQ?" The man answers, "241." "That is wonderful!" says Albert. "We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have much to discuss!" Next, Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What's your IQ?" The lady answers, "144." "That is great!" responds Albert. "We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!" Albert goes to another person and asks, "What's your IQ?" The man answers, "51." Albert's face lights up as he exclaims, "So you're the one who rides the Harley parked out front!" __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

07-20-08, 09:51 AM	#35
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,615 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Q: A Harley owner and a NASCAR fan get in a fight, who wins? A: We all do! Q: What's the happiest day in a Harley rider's life? A: When they discover that they can use Right Guard(tm) under their left arm. Q: What do you have when you put 10,000 Harley Davidson motorcycles on the bottom of the ocean? A: A good start. Q. Where do you put money to hide it from a harley rider? A. In the bathroom...under the soap. Did you hear about the HD owner who put Odor Eaters(tm) in his new riding boots? Two days later, he disappeared. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

07-20-08, 02:13 PM	#38
Tango589 Still crazy as ever! Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: A little south of sanity Posts: 3,375 Downloads: 180 Uploads: 1	mcf1:rotfl: An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western town one day; He'd been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey. He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger walked out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?" The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance. I just never wanted to." A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospector was hopping around and everybody was laughing. When the gunslinger fired his last bullet, he holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man reached up on the mule, drew his shotgun, and pulled both hammers back making a double clicking sound. The gunslinger heard the sound and everything got quiet. The crowd watched as the gunslinger slowly turned around looking down both barrels of the shotgun. The old man asked, "Did you ever kiss a mule's butt?" The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No. But I've always wanted to." The lessons from this story are: 1. Don't waste ammunition. 2. Don't mess with old people. __________________ Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way...

07-20-08, 03:08 PM	#39
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,615 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Want to see what it would be like to ride a Harley Davidson? Click HERE to find out! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

07-19-08, 08:31 AM	#31
mcf1 Seasoned Skipper Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Greece, Volos Posts: 710 Downloads: 10 Uploads: 0	:rotfl: :rotfl: to Schroeder and jimbuna

07-20-08, 12:55 AM	#34
mcf1 Seasoned Skipper Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Greece, Volos Posts: 710 Downloads: 10 Uploads: 0	:rotfl: Q: Why do harley riders never ride faster than 50mph??? A: Any faster and they can't see where the parts fell off. Q: Why do harley riders chrome all their parts??? A: It makes them easier to spot on the side of the road

07-20-08, 11:54 AM	#37
mcf1 Seasoned Skipper Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Greece, Volos Posts: 710 Downloads: 10 Uploads: 0	A fellow finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St. Peter explains that its not so easy to get in heaven. There are some criteria before entry is allowed. For example, was the man religious in life? Attend church? No? St. Peter told him that's bad. Was he generous? give money to the poor? Charities? No? St. Peter told him that that too was bad. Did he do any good deeds? Help his neighbor? Anything? No? St. Peter was becoming concerned. Exasperated, Peter says, "Look, everybody does something nice sometime. Work with me, I'm trying to help. Now think!" The man says, "There was this old lady. I came out of a store and found her surrounded by a dozen Hell's Angels. They had taken her purse and were shoving her around, taunting and abusing her. I got so mad I threw my bags down, fought through the crowd, and got her purse back. I then helped her to her feet. I then went up to the biggest, baddest biker and told him how despicable, cowardly and mean he was and then spat in his face". "Wow", said Peter, "That's impressive. When did this happen"? "Oh, about 10 minutes ago", replied the man.

07-20-08, 03:15 PM	#40
Tango589 Still crazy as ever! Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: A little south of sanity Posts: 3,375 Downloads: 180 Uploads: 1	I used to have a car like that! __________________ Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way...

07-21-08, 11:47 AM	#41
mcf1 Seasoned Skipper Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Greece, Volos Posts: 710 Downloads: 10 Uploads: 0	Alliens Survival guide http://video.msn.com/?mkt=en-us&vid=...5936&GT1=42003 a video about how to survive an allien invasion (sorry about the commercial at the begining)

07-21-08, 03:26 PM	#42
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,615 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Ten MORE Reasons Why Harley Owners Won't Wave At Other Bikers Afraid it will invalidate warranty. Leather and studs make it too hard to raise arm. Refuses to wave to anyone whose bike is already paid for. Afraid to let go of handlebars because they might vibrate off. Rushing wind would blow scabs off the new tattoos. Angry because just took out second mortgage to pay luxury tax on new Harley. Just discovered the fine print in owner's manual and realized H-D is partially owned by those rice-burner manufacturers. Can't tell if other riders are waving or just reaching to cover their ears like everyone else. Remembers the last time a Harley rider waved back, he impaled his hand on spiked helmet. They're jealous that after spending $30,000,they still don't own a BMW K1200 LT __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!