SubSim Two Ronnies

[Jimbuna]

Originally Posted by STEED

I will be out most of this weekend, Monday evening should be alright.

Rgr that

[STEED]

"Welcome back to a fun pact part two that is to say I'm cool and your hot, don't tell the wife." "Breaking news just in, sales of tooth paste are down another 33% this month due to the lack of Tony Blair on TV grinning from ear to ear, and who said subliminal advertising dose not work."

"And now as we all wait for that sexy little chap in his big chair and about to tell you all another story." "So now is the time to make yourself a hot chocolate and open a packet of biscuits."

[Jimbuna]

"An old man lived with his hound-dog, Mace, in a run-down shack on the
outskirts of town. He had no family and only a few meager possessions: a
table and chair, a bed, a bag of hand tools, and his dog. He used the
tools to do odd jobs in town, for which he usually would be paid enough to
get food for the next day. Mace and his master lived from one day to the
next on what little these jobs would bring in. The dog was just a normal
hound, with one exception: while most dogs like to chew on grass
occasionally, Mace loved it. When the old man was in town, Mace would
spend the day in the yard in front of the house, chewing away on the lawn.

One bright, sunny day the old man said goodbye to his dog and headed into
town to work. He had a plumbing repair job in one of the homes there that
would take him most of the day and would probably pay enough for food for
the remainder of the week, if he managed the money carefully. He headed
for town with a spring in his step and a whistle on his lips. Inside the
house and ready to start, the old man reached in the bag for his wrench.
To his surprise, he didn't feel it. He dug around again, but there didn't
seem to be any wrench. He looked in the bag, then dumped its contents on
the floor, but still no wrench. Reality set in. Without a wrench he
couldn't finish the job, and without the pay he couldn't even buy food for
that night's supper, let alone for tomorrow. When he finally came to
grips with reality, he told the lady who hired him what the situation was.
While she sympathized with his situation, the job needed to be done. If
the old man couldn't do it, she would have to hire someone else.

The old man packed up his tools and headed home, head bowed and shoulders
stooped. The whistle was gone and no longer was there a spring in his
step. A walk that normally took 15 minutes seemed to last forever. But
finally the old shack came into view, and there was Mace in the distance,
munching away as usual on the lawn. When the dog saw his master, he came
running, tail wagging, telling the old man how glad he was to see him.
Kneeling beside the hound, the man began to pet him, and through
tear-filled eyes told the dog that there would be no supper tonight and no
food for tomorrow. What's more, without money to buy a new wrench, he had
no idea what the future held. It was the loneliest, most helpless feeling
he ever had! Then he caught a glimpse of something shining in the grass.
As the old man went over to see what this piece of shining material was,
his despair turned in an instant to joy! It was the wrench! The old man
had dropped it on his way out that morning, and it would have been lost
forever had Mace not been eating farther away from the house than he
usually did! The old man grabbed the dog, gave him a hug that almost
suffocated him, and ran into the house. Reaching for a stub of pencil and
the only piece of paper he had, he wrote a moving tribute to his canine
companion. Few people have ever heard these words...until now, that is.
One man who did happen to read them changed them a bit and has his name
recorded in music history. The old man never did get the credit he
deserved. But now you are privileged to read the beginning line of his
original poem, which went:"

"A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound that saved a wrench for me."

[STEED]

"And finally late breaking news, first class stamps are to go up another £1 from next week." "That's 2p for postage and 98p for storage."

[Jimbuna]

"There was a fire at the main Inland Revenue office in London today, but it was put out before any serious good was done."

[STEED]

"In property news today Middle Eastern Arabs have stopped buying large areas of London up, they revealed they now own all of London."

[Jimbuna]

"We had hoped to have been bringing you Arthur the Human Chameleon, but this afternoon, he crawled across a tartan rug and died of exhaustion."

[STEED]

"The stock market took a nose dive today on hearing the news Britain is now the poorest country in Europe." "But soon rallied on hearing the news that Britain has still the nicest flag in Europe."

[Jimbuna]

"And we've just heard that a juggernaut of onions has shed its load all over the M-1. Motorists are advised to find a hard shoulder to cry on."

[STEED]

"And on that note it's good night from him."

[Jimbuna]

"And a good night from me"