The joke thread - Page 289

BossMark · 07-21-13, 02:16 PM

I was going for a shower when the girlfriend asked if I could shave my chest.

what next, wax the oven, vejazzle the wardrobe?!

Jimbuna · 07-21-13, 03:41 PM

Give a man a fish, and he can eat for a day.

But teach a man to fish, and he will bore you to death with fishing stories.

BossMark · 07-22-13, 01:50 PM

"All the Royal family can do is sit around and wait for news."

Makes a change doesn't it.

Jimbuna · 07-22-13, 02:26 PM

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

BossMark · 07-22-13, 02:33 PM

The estimated cost of raising the impending Royal baby up to the age of 18 will cost the taxpayer around 3.6 million pounds.

Making the birth pay per view would have easily covered that.

Jimbuna · 07-22-13, 02:39 PM

There once was a pirate named Bates,
Who danced the Fandango on skates.
He fell on his cutlass
Which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates!

BossMark · 07-22-13, 02:45 PM

I was so drunk yesterday that I ended up urinating on a bouquet of flowers!

Which made my mother-in-laws funeral very awkward.

Jimbuna · 07-22-13, 03:57 PM

Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?"
Brunette: "I don’t know."
Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!"

garren · 07-22-13, 06:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?"
Brunette: "I don’t know."
Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!"

Another blonde woman reads your joke and says, "What? I don't get it".

BossMark · 07-22-13, 11:41 PM

Buckingham palace have just released a statement on the day of the birth of the royal baby, saying that he's fine and well - enjoying crapping himself and sucking kate middleton's nipples. It's Good to hear Prince Phillip's back to his old self...

Jimbuna · 07-23-13, 08:30 AM

Tomorrow's headlines
GUARDIAN: It's a boy!
TELEGRAPH: It's a boy!
DAILY MAIL: Has Kate lost the baby weight yet?

Schroeder · 07-23-13, 08:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

Tomorrow's headlines
GUARDIAN: It's a boy!
TELEGRAPH: It's a boy!
DAILY MAIL: Has Kate lost the baby weight yet?

The Sun: Is prince William the real father?

Herr-Berbunch · 07-23-13, 09:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Schroeder

The Sun: Is prince William the real father?

No, John Terry is, I've seen the pictures to prove it too.

Sailor Steve · 07-23-13, 09:58 AM

From the long-gone days of my youth.

A letter from college:

Dear dad;
No mon, no fun.
Your Son

Dear Son;
Too bad, how sad.
Love, Dad

Jimbuna · 07-23-13, 10:46 AM

I'm no Tour de France expert but it seems that the best way to win is to wear a yellow t-shirt.

07-21-13, 02:16 PM	#4321
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I was going for a shower when the girlfriend asked if I could shave my chest. what next, wax the oven, vejazzle the wardrobe?! __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

07-21-13, 03:41 PM	#4322
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,357 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Give a man a fish, and he can eat for a day. But teach a man to fish, and he will bore you to death with fishing stories. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

07-22-13, 01:50 PM	#4323
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	"All the Royal family can do is sit around and wait for news." Makes a change doesn't it. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

07-22-13, 02:26 PM	#4324
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,357 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

07-22-13, 02:33 PM	#4325
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	The estimated cost of raising the impending Royal baby up to the age of 18 will cost the taxpayer around 3.6 million pounds. Making the birth pay per view would have easily covered that. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

07-22-13, 02:39 PM	#4326
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,357 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	There once was a pirate named Bates, Who danced the Fandango on skates. He fell on his cutlass Which rendered him nutless And practically useless on dates! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

07-22-13, 02:45 PM	#4327
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I was so drunk yesterday that I ended up urinating on a bouquet of flowers! Which made my mother-in-laws funeral very awkward. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

07-22-13, 03:57 PM	#4328
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,357 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?" Brunette: "I don’t know." Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!" __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

07-22-13, 11:41 PM	#4330
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Buckingham palace have just released a statement on the day of the birth of the royal baby, saying that he's fine and well - enjoying crapping himself and sucking kate middleton's nipples. It's Good to hear Prince Phillip's back to his old self... __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

07-23-13, 08:30 AM	#4331
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,357 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Tomorrow's headlines GUARDIAN: It's a boy! TELEGRAPH: It's a boy! DAILY MAIL: Has Kate lost the baby weight yet? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

07-23-13, 09:58 AM	#4334
Sailor Steve Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: High in the mountains of Utah Posts: 50,369 Downloads: 745 Uploads: 249	From the long-gone days of my youth. A letter from college: Dear dad; No mon, no fun. Your Son Dear Son; Too bad, how sad. Love, Dad __________________ “Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo

07-23-13, 10:46 AM	#4335
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,357 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I'm no Tour de France expert but it seems that the best way to win is to wear a yellow t-shirt. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!