The joke thread II - Page 283

Jimbuna · 04-16-23, 05:10 AM

Just got fired from my job recently for concentrating too much. I work at an orange juice factory!

Jimbuna · 04-17-23, 07:33 AM

Went to a barbershop today for a shave. The barber wanted me to put a small wooden ball in my mouth to get a closer shave around my cheeks.

I said: “What if I swallow the ball?”
He said: “No problem, just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else.”

Jimbuna · 04-17-23, 07:36 AM

Got an email today from someone trying to sell me Mount Everest for £1 million. I told him it was a bit steep.

Platapus · 04-17-23, 04:56 PM

My doctor prescribed an anti-gloating cream for me to use

I can't wait to rub it in.

Jimbuna · 04-18-23, 05:08 AM

I remember the days when ‘Blue Ray’ was an elderly gentleman who drowned in our local swimming pool.

Jimbuna · 04-18-23, 10:09 AM

In my previous job I used to take a lot of notes. I got fired after they started checking the cash register.

Jimbuna · 04-19-23, 04:42 AM

It’s amazing how quickly the sales staff at Ikea come to “assist you” once you take off your trousers and get into one of their beds.

Jimbuna · 04-19-23, 01:44 PM

Man: Hi wanna dance?
Woman: Yeah sure!
Man: Ok go and dance, I want to talk to your friend!

Jimbuna · 04-20-23, 06:35 AM

Yo mamas so fat when she went waterskiing someone tried to shoot her with a harpoon.

Jimbuna · 04-20-23, 06:42 AM

Yo mama is so stupid she got sacked from her job at the bank for stealing pens.

Jimbuna · 04-21-23, 06:38 AM

Just told my wife I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist. She told me she’s been seeing a psychiatrist, a bartender and 2 plumbers.

Jimbuna · 04-21-23, 06:43 AM

Whoever persuaded blind people they need to wear sunglasses must have been one hell of a salesman.

Jimbuna · 04-22-23, 05:43 AM

After being arrested and interrogated today I’ve now discovered that shouting “bomb” at the top of your voice is a bad way to keep yourself amused while waiting at an airport.

Platapus · 04-22-23, 06:10 AM

Question for parents: When your toddler has pancakes for breakfast, do they pour the syrup on the floor or the table first?

Jimbuna · 04-22-23, 06:14 AM

Q. Why did the zebra beat the horse at chess?
A. Because it’s a-frican genius.

04-16-23, 05:10 AM	#4231
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,408 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just got fired from my job recently for concentrating too much. I work at an orange juice factory! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

04-17-23, 07:33 AM	#4232
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,408 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Went to a barbershop today for a shave. The barber wanted me to put a small wooden ball in my mouth to get a closer shave around my cheeks. I said: “What if I swallow the ball?” He said: “No problem, just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else.” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

04-17-23, 07:36 AM	#4233
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,408 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Got an email today from someone trying to sell me Mount Everest for £1 million. I told him it was a bit steep. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

04-17-23, 04:56 PM	#4234
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,439 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	My doctor prescribed an anti-gloating cream for me to use I can't wait to rub it in. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

04-18-23, 05:08 AM	#4235
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,408 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I remember the days when ‘Blue Ray’ was an elderly gentleman who drowned in our local swimming pool. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

04-18-23, 10:09 AM	#4236
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,408 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	In my previous job I used to take a lot of notes. I got fired after they started checking the cash register. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

04-19-23, 04:42 AM	#4237
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,408 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	It’s amazing how quickly the sales staff at Ikea come to “assist you” once you take off your trousers and get into one of their beds. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

04-19-23, 01:44 PM	#4238
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,408 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Man: Hi wanna dance? Woman: Yeah sure! Man: Ok go and dance, I want to talk to your friend! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

04-20-23, 06:35 AM	#4239
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,408 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Yo mamas so fat when she went waterskiing someone tried to shoot her with a harpoon. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

04-20-23, 06:42 AM	#4240
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,408 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Yo mama is so stupid she got sacked from her job at the bank for stealing pens. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

04-21-23, 06:38 AM	#4241
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,408 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just told my wife I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist. She told me she’s been seeing a psychiatrist, a bartender and 2 plumbers. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

04-21-23, 06:43 AM	#4242
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,408 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Whoever persuaded blind people they need to wear sunglasses must have been one hell of a salesman. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

04-22-23, 05:43 AM	#4243
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,408 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	After being arrested and interrogated today I’ve now discovered that shouting “bomb” at the top of your voice is a bad way to keep yourself amused while waiting at an airport. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

04-22-23, 06:10 AM	#4244
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,439 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Question for parents: When your toddler has pancakes for breakfast, do they pour the syrup on the floor or the table first? __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

04-22-23, 06:14 AM	#4245
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,408 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Q. Why did the zebra beat the horse at chess? A. Because it’s a-frican genius. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!