The joke thread - Page 279

Jimbuna · 07-04-13, 08:22 AM

Happy Indepedence Day to all our American friends.

The only date in the year said the proper British way.

BossMark · 07-04-13, 09:13 AM

The women's trophy for winning Wimbledon is essentially just a plate, just to remind them what they should be doing instead of playing tennis.

Jimbuna · 07-04-13, 09:24 AM

Wayne Rooney has been told that in order to leave Manchester United, he has to submit a written transfer request.

It was the only way they could ensure that he'll stay.

BossMark · 07-04-13, 11:16 AM

I went to the greengrocers today and I picked up an iceberg lettuce. I said to the man at the counter, "Why is it these seem to be getting smaller and smaller?"

"Global warming." He replied.

Jimbuna · 07-04-13, 01:53 PM

I said to my wife, "I'm afraid we won't be together much longer. I'm dying..."

"You're dying?" she interrupted.

"Yes," I replied. "To tell you that I'm sleeping with your sister."

BossMark · 07-06-13, 12:46 PM

After his semi final win, Andy Murray is now just one game away from destiny.

Or, 'runner up' to you and me.

BossMark · 07-07-13, 02:21 AM

Men go through 3 stages: Drinking from boobs, staring at boobs, and growing boobs.

Jimbuna · 07-07-13, 10:05 AM

Because i managed to stand at 90 degrees to the mirror .......

I was beside myself

BossMark · 07-07-13, 11:17 AM

Nigella Lawson is set to fight for a divorce.

Lets hope she puts up a better showing than a few weeks back.

Jimbuna · 07-07-13, 11:47 AM

The results are in...

He's British!

BossMark · 07-07-13, 02:13 PM

Remember this day.

Because it's not going to be very often you hear of a Scotsman winning in court.

Jimbuna · 07-08-13, 11:25 AM

After all this time Andy Murray has done it!

He's proved a Scottish man in shorts can stand in the sun for 4 hours without getting sunburned.

BossMark · 07-08-13, 02:33 PM

This gin and tonic is 91 calories.

This banana is 105 calories.

My doctor told me to make the healthy choice.

I love my doctor.

Jimbuna · 07-08-13, 03:38 PM

A Roman walks into a bar, sticks 2 fingers up to the barman and says "five beers please"

BossMark · 07-09-13, 01:21 AM

I was shocked to hear that footballer, Nile Ranger, has been arrested for raping a girl in Newcastle.

I didn't think Geordie girls ever said 'No'.

07-04-13, 08:22 AM	#4171
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,405 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Happy Indepedence Day to all our American friends. The only date in the year said the proper British way. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

07-04-13, 09:13 AM	#4172
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	The women's trophy for winning Wimbledon is essentially just a plate, just to remind them what they should be doing instead of playing tennis. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

07-04-13, 09:24 AM	#4173
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,405 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Wayne Rooney has been told that in order to leave Manchester United, he has to submit a written transfer request. It was the only way they could ensure that he'll stay. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

07-04-13, 11:16 AM	#4174
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I went to the greengrocers today and I picked up an iceberg lettuce. I said to the man at the counter, "Why is it these seem to be getting smaller and smaller?" "Global warming." He replied. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

07-04-13, 01:53 PM	#4175
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,405 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I said to my wife, "I'm afraid we won't be together much longer. I'm dying..." "You're dying?" she interrupted. "Yes," I replied. "To tell you that I'm sleeping with your sister." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

07-06-13, 12:46 PM	#4176
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	After his semi final win, Andy Murray is now just one game away from destiny. Or, 'runner up' to you and me. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

07-07-13, 02:21 AM	#4177
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Men go through 3 stages: Drinking from boobs, staring at boobs, and growing boobs. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

07-07-13, 10:05 AM	#4178
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,405 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Because i managed to stand at 90 degrees to the mirror ....... I was beside myself __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

07-07-13, 11:17 AM	#4179
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Nigella Lawson is set to fight for a divorce. Lets hope she puts up a better showing than a few weeks back. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

07-07-13, 11:47 AM	#4180
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,405 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	The results are in... He's British! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

07-07-13, 02:13 PM	#4181
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Remember this day. Because it's not going to be very often you hear of a Scotsman winning in court. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

07-08-13, 11:25 AM	#4182
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,405 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	After all this time Andy Murray has done it! He's proved a Scottish man in shorts can stand in the sun for 4 hours without getting sunburned. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

07-08-13, 02:33 PM	#4183
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	This gin and tonic is 91 calories. This banana is 105 calories. My doctor told me to make the healthy choice. I love my doctor. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

07-08-13, 03:38 PM	#4184
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,405 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A Roman walks into a bar, sticks 2 fingers up to the barman and says "five beers please" __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

07-09-13, 01:21 AM	#4185
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I was shocked to hear that footballer, Nile Ranger, has been arrested for raping a girl in Newcastle. I didn't think Geordie girls ever said 'No'. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now