The joke thread - Page 277

BossMark · 07-01-13, 11:12 AM

It's good to see the Egyptians trying to boost their tourist industry by creating some more ruins.

hienz1 · 07-01-13, 11:34 AM

So a retired old man was enjoying his retirement, sitting on his back porch of his home when he saw a young boy come walking down a hill towards his house. The boy was carrying a long rolled up silver looking thing under his arm.

So the old man yells out, "Hey kid? What you got there?"
Kid: "Got me some chicken wire."
Old man: "What ya doin' with chicken wire?"
Kid: "Gonna catch me some chickens."
Old man: "You can't catch chickens with chicken wire."

Well, a few hours later, the old man sees the young boy going back up the hill, dragging behind him the entire roll of chicken wire, unrolled, with hundreds of chickens stuck in it, flapping around. The old man scratches his head in total disbelief.

Well, sometime the next week, the old man sees the boy walking down the hill again, carrying under his arm a great big grey wheel. So he yells out,"Hey kid! What you got there?"

Kid: "Got me some duct tape."
Old man: "What ya doin' with Duct tape?"
Kid: "Gonna catch me some ducks."
Old man: "You can't catch ducks with duct tape."

Well, later on that day, the old man sees the kid walking back up the hill, dragging behind him the entire roll of duct tape, unrolled, with hundreds of ducks stuck to it, all flapping around. Old man scratches his head, wondering.

Some time next week, the old man sees the kid walking down the hill again, carrying under his arm these long green things with short brown chunks on the ends. "Hey kid! What you got there?" he asked.

Kid: "Got me some pussywillow."
Old man: "Hold on. I'll get my hat."

BossMark · 07-01-13, 11:39 AM

"Give me a hand" Shouted my wife
"Say please" I repeated for the 3rd time.
"bloody hell Mark Please give me a bloody hand" she shouted
Hanging from the roof by her fingertips or not, there's no excuse for dropping her manners.

Jimbuna · 07-01-13, 12:17 PM

I've decided to take the law into my own hands and have just beaten to death some sicko.....

Can you believe someone would actually advertise the fact that they groom dogs.

Sailor Steve · 07-01-13, 12:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hienz1

So a retired old man was enjoying his retirement,

Yep, told that one myself here not more than a hundred pages ago.

Herr-Berbunch · 07-01-13, 05:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

Yep, told that one myself here not more than a hundred pages ago.

Give him half a chance, he only joined today.

Let him have a few minutes to read the whole thread and then we'll say that.

PS - welcome aboard, starting with (or nearly starting with) jokes is a good beginning.

TarJak · 07-02-13, 03:31 AM

Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist,

Whilst you were busy arguing about it, I drank the half glass of water.

Regards
The Opportunist

BossMark · 07-02-13, 04:33 AM

"What's wrong with you two?" My wife asked when she met us in the beer garden.

"He let go of his party balloon," I sobbed, pointing at my son

"Ok," she replied, "But why are you crying?"

"I knocked my pint over trying to catch it."

Sailor Steve · 07-02-13, 09:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Herr-Berbunch

Give him half a chance, he only joined today.

Umm...
http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/showthread.php?t=205498

Herr-Berbunch · 07-02-13, 09:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Herr-Berbunch

Give him half a chance, he only joined today.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

Umm...
http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/showthread.php?t=205498

Sorry Steve, I don't get it - he joined on July 1st, posted on July 1st, and I posted on July 1st (my time zone). That was today (yesterday, not today, because today was yesterday's tomorrow - and that's not what I meant)

Jimbuna · 07-02-13, 10:10 AM

I handed my wife the ring and said,"There you go love, the 18 carat diamond ring you've always dreamed of."

"Oh my god," she said,"This is really something else."

"That's correct" I said,"It's a fake."

Sailor Steve · 07-02-13, 10:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Herr-Berbunch

Sorry Steve, I don't get it - he joined on July 1st, posted on July 1st, and I posted on July 1st (my time zone). That was today (yesterday, not today, because today was yesterday's tomorrow - and that's not what I meant)

My point isn't when he joined, but that I know he had just joined, being the very first person to welcome him aboard. What you didn't get was that my finger-pointing was at myself, not him. I started to react the way you think I did, but then I remembered exactly what you pointed out, and I made a joke at myself.

I'll try to remember not to make jokes anymore, at least not without proper supervision.

Herr-Berbunch · 07-02-13, 10:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

I'll try to remember not to make jokes anymore, at least not without proper supervision.

Me too.

Jimbuna · 07-02-13, 11:05 AM

"Dad, I would like you to meet my boyfriend , Paul."

"Oh dear, I think your mother will be very disappointed. You can do much better than this."

"Dad, that is outrageous and very rude."

"I wasn't talking to you."

Schroeder · 07-02-13, 11:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

I'll try to remember not to make jokes anymore, at least not without proper supervision.

Could anybody explain to this German what this "joke" thing is that everybody is talking about in this thread?

07-01-13, 11:12 AM	#4141
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	It's good to see the Egyptians trying to boost their tourist industry by creating some more ruins. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

07-01-13, 11:34 AM	#4142
hienz1 Nub Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 4 Downloads: 10 Uploads: 0	A clean dirty joke So a retired old man was enjoying his retirement, sitting on his back porch of his home when he saw a young boy come walking down a hill towards his house. The boy was carrying a long rolled up silver looking thing under his arm. So the old man yells out, "Hey kid? What you got there?" Kid: "Got me some chicken wire." Old man: "What ya doin' with chicken wire?" Kid: "Gonna catch me some chickens." Old man: "You can't catch chickens with chicken wire." Well, a few hours later, the old man sees the young boy going back up the hill, dragging behind him the entire roll of chicken wire, unrolled, with hundreds of chickens stuck in it, flapping around. The old man scratches his head in total disbelief. Well, sometime the next week, the old man sees the boy walking down the hill again, carrying under his arm a great big grey wheel. So he yells out,"Hey kid! What you got there?" Kid: "Got me some duct tape." Old man: "What ya doin' with Duct tape?" Kid: "Gonna catch me some ducks." Old man: "You can't catch ducks with duct tape." Well, later on that day, the old man sees the kid walking back up the hill, dragging behind him the entire roll of duct tape, unrolled, with hundreds of ducks stuck to it, all flapping around. Old man scratches his head, wondering. Some time next week, the old man sees the kid walking down the hill again, carrying under his arm these long green things with short brown chunks on the ends. "Hey kid! What you got there?" he asked. Kid: "Got me some pussywillow." Old man: "Hold on. I'll get my hat." __________________ Arrrrr! Lenovo Idea Center K410 dual-core Intel 2.8 GHz cpu 8Gb system RAM (DDR3) 500 Gb hard drive (spins @ 7200 rpm) CD/DVD recorder, USB 2.0 - 6-ports, flash card readers, 1696 Mb graphics ram w/16Gb virtual ram Acer x203h wide screen LCD monitor Microsoft wireless keyboard & mouse

07-01-13, 11:39 AM	#4143
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	"Give me a hand" Shouted my wife "Say please" I repeated for the 3rd time. "bloody hell Mark Please give me a bloody hand" she shouted Hanging from the roof by her fingertips or not, there's no excuse for dropping her manners. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

07-01-13, 12:17 PM	#4144
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,168 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I've decided to take the law into my own hands and have just beaten to death some sicko..... Can you believe someone would actually advertise the fact that they groom dogs. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

07-02-13, 04:33 AM	#4148
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	"What's wrong with you two?" My wife asked when she met us in the beer garden. "He let go of his party balloon," I sobbed, pointing at my son "Ok," she replied, "But why are you crying?" "I knocked my pint over trying to catch it." __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

07-02-13, 03:31 AM	#4147
TarJak Fleet Admiral Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 17,052 Downloads: 150 Uploads: 8	Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist, Whilst you were busy arguing about it, I drank the half glass of water. Regards The Opportunist

07-02-13, 10:10 AM	#4151
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,168 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I handed my wife the ring and said,"There you go love, the 18 carat diamond ring you've always dreamed of." "Oh my god," she said,"This is really something else." "That's correct" I said,"It's a fake." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

07-02-13, 11:05 AM	#4154
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,168 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	"Dad, I would like you to meet my boyfriend , Paul." "Oh dear, I think your mother will be very disappointed. You can do much better than this." "Dad, that is outrageous and very rude." "I wasn't talking to you." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!