The joke thread - Page 272

Stealhead · 06-19-13, 11:59 PM

I'll try make this PG and still funny.

A guy walks into a house of ill repute he sees a guy walk down the stairs and out the door. The Madame says "He's Finnish". The guy sees another man run up the stairs and down the hall.

The Madame says "He's Russian".

The guy walks past a room and hears a man inside the madame says "Himalayan".

Jimbuna · 06-20-13, 11:21 AM

For all the naysayers who don't think Scottish Independence would be a good idea, I say this:

Horses can't vote anyway, so no-one cares what you think.

BossMark · 06-20-13, 01:42 PM

Aww, my wife is so thoughtful. She's obviously out buying me a whole new wardrobe.

That would explain why all my clothes be in bin bags on the front door step.

Jimbuna · 06-20-13, 01:56 PM

I don't know what the headline should be..

The Queens Horse Wins at Ascot

or

The Queen Smiles for the first time in History

BossMark · 06-20-13, 02:14 PM

My wife text me today, 'Theres something wrong with my phone. I don't think my messages are getting through.

I text back, 'They are getting through.'

'How can you be sure?' She replied back.

Jimbuna · 06-20-13, 02:16 PM

I never know whether to be angry or impressed when I can't get the lid off a tube of superglue.

BossMark · 06-20-13, 02:27 PM

Am I the only one wishing they had put Mick Philpot in he Big Brother House?

Jimbuna · 06-20-13, 04:13 PM

My wife just told me that she would take a bullet for me. That's so romantic.
Now, where does one buy a gun?

BossMark · 06-20-13, 11:36 PM

Robbie Savage : "Having poor teams like Tahiti devalues tournaments."

Says the man who played for Wales.

Jimbuna · 06-21-13, 06:51 AM

Even though I'm in my forties, I still chase girls.

It just needs to be downhill these days.

BossMark · 06-21-13, 01:23 PM

Syrian rebels are risking their own lives with DIY weapons.
You have to get pretty close to your enemy before you can drill a hole in them I guess.

Jimbuna · 06-21-13, 01:27 PM

I went to party last night dressed up as a slice of bread.

The birds were all over me.

BossMark · 06-21-13, 01:50 PM

My wife's doing a sponsored parachute jump tomorrow, and I am genuinely terrified that the chute might not open.

Last time something that big hit the earth, the dinosaurs got wiped out.

Jimbuna · 06-21-13, 02:26 PM

The wife and I are going to King's Cross station tomorrow, we're on our way to visit Hogwarts.

Or her 'Mother', as she's told me to call her.

BrucePartington · 06-21-13, 04:22 PM

I know this post from Dowly is old, but it is still valid and up to date. Scary what you find there.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dowly

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=site%3Asubsim.com+joke+thread

06-20-13, 11:21 AM	#4067
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,185 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	For all the naysayers who don't think Scottish Independence would be a good idea, I say this: Horses can't vote anyway, so no-one cares what you think. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

06-20-13, 01:42 PM	#4068
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Aww, my wife is so thoughtful. She's obviously out buying me a whole new wardrobe. That would explain why all my clothes be in bin bags on the front door step. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

06-20-13, 01:56 PM	#4069
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,185 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I don't know what the headline should be.. The Queens Horse Wins at Ascot or The Queen Smiles for the first time in History __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

06-20-13, 02:14 PM	#4070
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	My wife text me today, 'Theres something wrong with my phone. I don't think my messages are getting through. I text back, 'They are getting through.' 'How can you be sure?' She replied back. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

06-20-13, 02:16 PM	#4071
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,185 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I never know whether to be angry or impressed when I can't get the lid off a tube of superglue. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

06-19-13, 11:59 PM	#4066
Stealhead Navy Seal Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Kentucky Posts: 5,421 Downloads: 85 Uploads: 0	I'll try make this PG and still funny. A guy walks into a house of ill repute he sees a guy walk down the stairs and out the door. The Madame says "He's Finnish". The guy sees another man run up the stairs and down the hall. The Madame says "He's Russian". The guy walks past a room and hears a man inside the madame says "Himalayan".

06-20-13, 02:27 PM	#4072
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Am I the only one wishing they had put Mick Philpot in he Big Brother House? __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

06-20-13, 04:13 PM	#4073
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,185 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My wife just told me that she would take a bullet for me. That's so romantic. Now, where does one buy a gun? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

06-20-13, 11:36 PM	#4074
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Robbie Savage : "Having poor teams like Tahiti devalues tournaments." Says the man who played for Wales. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

06-21-13, 06:51 AM	#4075
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,185 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Even though I'm in my forties, I still chase girls. It just needs to be downhill these days. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

06-21-13, 01:23 PM	#4076
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Syrian rebels are risking their own lives with DIY weapons. You have to get pretty close to your enemy before you can drill a hole in them I guess. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

06-21-13, 01:27 PM	#4077
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,185 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I went to party last night dressed up as a slice of bread. The birds were all over me. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

06-21-13, 01:50 PM	#4078
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	My wife's doing a sponsored parachute jump tomorrow, and I am genuinely terrified that the chute might not open. Last time something that big hit the earth, the dinosaurs got wiped out. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

06-21-13, 02:26 PM	#4079
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,185 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	The wife and I are going to King's Cross station tomorrow, we're on our way to visit Hogwarts. Or her 'Mother', as she's told me to call her. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!