The joke thread - Page 269

Jimbuna · 05-29-13, 04:23 PM

"Hate preachers could be banned from TV."

Don't think that's going to do much good, they're all big fans of the tellyban.

BossMark · 05-30-13, 06:44 AM

I was stopped by a Korean prostitute in the park last night.

She smiled and said, "I'll eat you for breakfast, you handsome thing."

I still don't know whether she was talking to me or my dog.

Jimbuna · 05-30-13, 08:08 AM

Just sent in an application form to live on mars, I told my mother-in-law and she said "what planet are you living on, are you mad?"
I replied "I'm living on Earth, the application form is for you"

BossMark · 05-30-13, 08:18 AM

My wife said she's leaving me because of my obsession with American sitcoms.

Happy Days.

Jimbuna · 05-30-13, 08:42 AM

'I will prove people wrong', says Mark Hughes.

Of course he meant the people on the Stoke City board.

BossMark · 05-30-13, 10:24 AM

When my son passed his driving test, I got him a car.

When my daughter passed hers, I got her a resit with a female examiner.

Jimbuna · 05-30-13, 10:46 AM

BREAKING NEWS: Several Nuns stop using Club Cards to prevent Tesco from knowing they're buying habits.

BossMark · 05-30-13, 10:56 AM

I was standing waiting to get served in Greggs when this woman came back into the shop after going out.

"Excuse me, is that your car out there?" She asked, pointing to my car.

"Yes it is." I answered.

"Well," she replied. "How I'm I supposed to even begin to get in my car with the space you've left me?"

"You could start by not coming here for lunch fatty." I said.

Jimbuna · 05-30-13, 11:18 AM

I haven't spoken to my mother in law for months now. I don't like to interrupt her.

BossMark · 05-30-13, 11:24 AM

"How did you find the weather on your lads holiday?" Asked my wife.

I said, "I just opened the door and it was there!"

Jimbuna · 05-30-13, 11:31 AM

When our large family moved to a bigger house, everybody got their own room, except me.

"It's not fair", I yelled.

"I don't want to share either", said my wife.

BossMark · 05-31-13, 05:12 AM

What's with all these kids in the Britain's got talent final?

If it was on the BBC I'd be seriously suspicious.

Jimbuna · 05-31-13, 07:43 AM

I've just opened a Spanish themed library.

There's no books, only manuels.

frau kaleun · 05-31-13, 08:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

There's no books, only manuels.

Are they from Barcelona?

BossMark · 05-31-13, 08:19 AM

Somebody's stole my model submarine collection ...how could they sink so low ...

05-29-13, 04:23 PM	#4021
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,405 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	"Hate preachers could be banned from TV." Don't think that's going to do much good, they're all big fans of the tellyban. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

05-30-13, 06:44 AM	#4022
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I was stopped by a Korean prostitute in the park last night. She smiled and said, "I'll eat you for breakfast, you handsome thing." I still don't know whether she was talking to me or my dog. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

05-30-13, 08:08 AM	#4023
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,405 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just sent in an application form to live on mars, I told my mother-in-law and she said "what planet are you living on, are you mad?" I replied "I'm living on Earth, the application form is for you" __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

05-30-13, 08:18 AM	#4024
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	My wife said she's leaving me because of my obsession with American sitcoms. Happy Days. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

05-30-13, 08:42 AM	#4025
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,405 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	'I will prove people wrong', says Mark Hughes. Of course he meant the people on the Stoke City board. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

05-30-13, 10:24 AM	#4026
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	When my son passed his driving test, I got him a car. When my daughter passed hers, I got her a resit with a female examiner. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

05-30-13, 10:46 AM	#4027
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,405 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	BREAKING NEWS: Several Nuns stop using Club Cards to prevent Tesco from knowing they're buying habits. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

05-30-13, 10:56 AM	#4028
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I was standing waiting to get served in Greggs when this woman came back into the shop after going out. "Excuse me, is that your car out there?" She asked, pointing to my car. "Yes it is." I answered. "Well," she replied. "How I'm I supposed to even begin to get in my car with the space you've left me?" "You could start by not coming here for lunch fatty." I said. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

05-30-13, 11:18 AM	#4029
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,405 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I haven't spoken to my mother in law for months now. I don't like to interrupt her. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

05-30-13, 11:24 AM	#4030
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	"How did you find the weather on your lads holiday?" Asked my wife. I said, "I just opened the door and it was there!" __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

05-30-13, 11:31 AM	#4031
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,405 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	When our large family moved to a bigger house, everybody got their own room, except me. "It's not fair", I yelled. "I don't want to share either", said my wife. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

05-31-13, 05:12 AM	#4032
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	What's with all these kids in the Britain's got talent final? If it was on the BBC I'd be seriously suspicious. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

05-31-13, 07:43 AM	#4033
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,405 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I've just opened a Spanish themed library. There's no books, only manuels. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

05-31-13, 08:19 AM	#4035
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Somebody's stole my model submarine collection ...how could they sink so low ... __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now