The joke thread II - Page 265

Jimbuna · 01-05-23, 06:46 AM

“Sorry I don’t know if its a boy or a girl yet, we’ll have to wait until the baby grows older and decides for itself!” Said no doctor ever.

Ostfriese · 01-05-23, 10:35 AM

She: "Where are you"
He: "At the pub"
She: "I've cooked a meal, if you aren't here in 10 minutes I'll give it to the dog."
He: "What has the dog done to you?"

Jimbuna · 01-05-23, 11:00 AM

Saw 2 fat people talking earlier today. It was a HEAVY discussion!

Platapus · 01-05-23, 04:41 PM

When my daughter got engaged, she asked me how much a marriage would cost

I told her that I don't know as I am still paying for mine.

Jimbuna · 01-06-23, 06:49 AM

A policeman arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

Jimbuna · 01-06-23, 06:51 AM

If a redhead works at a bakery, does that make him a gingerbread-man?

Platapus · 01-06-23, 04:09 PM

I looked up my symptoms on WebMD

Turns out that I just have kids

Jimbuna · 01-07-23, 06:08 AM

A wife can help turn you into a millionaire. If you start off as a billionaire.

Jimbuna · 01-07-23, 06:10 AM

Apparently when your wife says “do whatever you want” that’s not what she means. Luckily the stripper I ordered agreed to a refund.

Jimbuna · 01-08-23, 03:06 PM

It says “Please drink responsibly” on the label so I guess I should probably put my seat belt on.

Jimbuna · 01-08-23, 03:09 PM

What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?

A: Bison.

Jimbuna · 01-09-23, 09:37 AM

Played Islamic chess last night. It’s just like normal chess but the queen goes in the corner and she’s not allowed to move.

Jimbuna · 01-09-23, 09:38 AM

Whatever you do always give 100%, unless your donating blood.

Jimbuna · 01-10-23, 07:13 AM

When a deaf person sees someone yawn do they think it’s a scream?

Jimbuna · 01-10-23, 07:14 AM

Last night my wife asked me to make her feel special so I gave her a coloring book and some crayons.

01-05-23, 06:46 AM	#3961
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,320 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	“Sorry I don’t know if its a boy or a girl yet, we’ll have to wait until the baby grows older and decides for itself!” Said no doctor ever. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

01-05-23, 11:00 AM	#3963
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,320 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Saw 2 fat people talking earlier today. It was a HEAVY discussion! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

01-05-23, 04:41 PM	#3964
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,429 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	When my daughter got engaged, she asked me how much a marriage would cost I told her that I don't know as I am still paying for mine. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-06-23, 06:49 AM	#3965
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,320 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A policeman arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

01-06-23, 06:51 AM	#3966
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,320 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	If a redhead works at a bakery, does that make him a gingerbread-man? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

01-05-23, 10:35 AM	#3962
Ostfriese Sea Lord Join Date: May 2004 Location: Northern Germany Posts: 1,896 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	She: "Where are you" He: "At the pub" She: "I've cooked a meal, if you aren't here in 10 minutes I'll give it to the dog." He: "What has the dog done to you?"

01-06-23, 04:09 PM	#3967
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,429 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I looked up my symptoms on WebMD Turns out that I just have kids __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-07-23, 06:08 AM	#3968
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,320 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A wife can help turn you into a millionaire. If you start off as a billionaire. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

01-07-23, 06:10 AM	#3969
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,320 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Apparently when your wife says “do whatever you want” that’s not what she means. Luckily the stripper I ordered agreed to a refund. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

01-08-23, 03:06 PM	#3970
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,320 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	It says “Please drink responsibly” on the label so I guess I should probably put my seat belt on. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

01-08-23, 03:09 PM	#3971
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,320 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? A: Bison. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

01-09-23, 09:37 AM	#3972
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,320 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Played Islamic chess last night. It’s just like normal chess but the queen goes in the corner and she’s not allowed to move. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

01-09-23, 09:38 AM	#3973
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,320 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Whatever you do always give 100%, unless your donating blood. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

01-10-23, 07:13 AM	#3974
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,320 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	When a deaf person sees someone yawn do they think it’s a scream? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

01-10-23, 07:14 AM	#3975
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,320 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Last night my wife asked me to make her feel special so I gave her a coloring book and some crayons. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!