The joke thread - Page 263

Jimbuna · 05-16-13, 10:49 AM

Although Liverpool didn't win a trophy this year, Luis Suarez still managed to taste European success.

BossMark · 05-16-13, 12:23 PM

Just watched David Beckham's 'retirement' interview - with Gary Neville in a hotel room.

Is that the best excuse they could come up with?.

Jimbuna · 05-16-13, 01:06 PM

If there's one thing I hate more the hypocrites it's someone who exaggerates.

A bloke I work with must exaggerate at least a million times a day.

BossMark · 05-16-13, 01:11 PM

Just saw a poster outside the local BP petrol station that said,

"Save 5p per litre when you spend £25 in store"

So i went in and bought a sandwich and bottle of pop before filling up.

Jimbuna · 05-16-13, 01:24 PM

I got lost walking around London today until I saw a paving stone with the word 'GO' written on it.

It was then I realised I was somewhere near Old Kent Road.

BossMark · 05-16-13, 01:30 PM

I've just had the most pleasant family reunion for as long as I can remember.

My mother-in-law's funeral.

Jimbuna · 05-16-13, 02:40 PM

So many trophy winning managers have been sacked this season..

It seems the only way to keep your job in football is by managing Arsenal.

BossMark · 05-17-13, 01:03 AM

After signing a one year contract with Chelsea, Frank Lampard has said he is looking forward to working with the next 3 or 4 Chelsea managers.

Jimbuna · 05-17-13, 11:35 AM

UKIP leader Nick Farage was bundled into a police van in Edinburgh yesterday, shortly after arriving at a pub.

Nice to see a politician observing the local customs.

BossMark · 05-18-13, 02:41 AM

I can't believe that, with a name like his, Donald Trump is opposing the construction of a wind farm.

Jimbuna · 05-18-13, 08:55 AM

"I've got the skin of a 20 year old", said my wife.

"You better give it back", I replied, "You're getting it all wrinkled."

BossMark · 05-18-13, 11:15 AM

Manchester City have confirmed that Abu Qatada is their new manager.

He knows a few things about staying in Europe.

Jimbuna · 05-18-13, 11:44 AM

I got a call today from a distorted voice saying "Five grand in cash, or we kill your wife"

Both options were tempting, but I decided to take the money.

BossMark · 05-18-13, 12:49 PM

I was watching "The Fast & The Furious" today.

Or Nigel Farage being chased by a bunch of drunken Scotsmen, as it's more commonly known.

Jimbuna · 05-18-13, 12:53 PM

David Beckham and Gary Neville are sitting watching the 5 'o' clock news where a man is threatening to jump off a bridge.

Beckham says to Gary Neville " I bet you £100 that he doesn't jump",

Gary Neville replies '"OK I bet you £100 that he DOES jump"

Sure enough the man jumped off of the bridge and killed himself.

Beckham gets out £100 and gives it to Gary.

Gary says "I can't take your money, it wouldn't be fair. You're my best mate and all that............ I had watched the 12 'o' clock news earlier and it was on then, so I knew he was going to jump"

Beckham replied "I watched the 12 'o' clock news as well but i didn't think that he would jump again"

05-16-13, 10:49 AM	#3931
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,124 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Although Liverpool didn't win a trophy this year, Luis Suarez still managed to taste European success. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

05-16-13, 12:23 PM	#3932
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Just watched David Beckham's 'retirement' interview - with Gary Neville in a hotel room. Is that the best excuse they could come up with?. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

05-16-13, 01:06 PM	#3933
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,124 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	If there's one thing I hate more the hypocrites it's someone who exaggerates. A bloke I work with must exaggerate at least a million times a day. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

05-16-13, 01:11 PM	#3934
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Just saw a poster outside the local BP petrol station that said, "Save 5p per litre when you spend £25 in store" So i went in and bought a sandwich and bottle of pop before filling up. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

05-16-13, 01:24 PM	#3935
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,124 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I got lost walking around London today until I saw a paving stone with the word 'GO' written on it. It was then I realised I was somewhere near Old Kent Road. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

05-16-13, 01:30 PM	#3936
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I've just had the most pleasant family reunion for as long as I can remember. My mother-in-law's funeral. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

05-16-13, 02:40 PM	#3937
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,124 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	So many trophy winning managers have been sacked this season.. It seems the only way to keep your job in football is by managing Arsenal. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

05-17-13, 01:03 AM	#3938
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	After signing a one year contract with Chelsea, Frank Lampard has said he is looking forward to working with the next 3 or 4 Chelsea managers. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

05-17-13, 11:35 AM	#3939
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,124 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	UKIP leader Nick Farage was bundled into a police van in Edinburgh yesterday, shortly after arriving at a pub. Nice to see a politician observing the local customs. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

05-18-13, 02:41 AM	#3940
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I can't believe that, with a name like his, Donald Trump is opposing the construction of a wind farm. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

05-18-13, 08:55 AM	#3941
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,124 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	"I've got the skin of a 20 year old", said my wife. "You better give it back", I replied, "You're getting it all wrinkled." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

05-18-13, 11:15 AM	#3942
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Manchester City have confirmed that Abu Qatada is their new manager. He knows a few things about staying in Europe. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

05-18-13, 11:44 AM	#3943
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,124 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I got a call today from a distorted voice saying "Five grand in cash, or we kill your wife" Both options were tempting, but I decided to take the money. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

05-18-13, 12:49 PM	#3944
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I was watching "The Fast & The Furious" today. Or Nigel Farage being chased by a bunch of drunken Scotsmen, as it's more commonly known. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

05-18-13, 12:53 PM	#3945
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,124 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	David Beckham and Gary Neville are sitting watching the 5 'o' clock news where a man is threatening to jump off a bridge. Beckham says to Gary Neville " I bet you £100 that he doesn't jump", Gary Neville replies '"OK I bet you £100 that he DOES jump" Sure enough the man jumped off of the bridge and killed himself. Beckham gets out £100 and gives it to Gary. Gary says "I can't take your money, it wouldn't be fair. You're my best mate and all that............ I had watched the 12 'o' clock news earlier and it was on then, so I knew he was going to jump" Beckham replied "I watched the 12 'o' clock news as well but i didn't think that he would jump again" __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!