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05-23-22, 01:07 PM | #3571 |
Chief of the Boat
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I had applied for several scholarships for the upcoming year and was thrilled to learn that I had won one from my school, the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. Sometimes such awards are named after places. The letter the university sent me said that I had won the Las Vegas Strip Scholarship, named after the street with all the major hotels.
When I told my mother about the award she paused, then asked, “Just what exactly did you do to win that scholarship?”
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Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
05-24-22, 03:28 AM | #3572 |
Dipped Squirrel Operative
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I looked into her eyes, deep into the emerald green, my heart fluttered, I felt a connection, something deeper, something magical, I was transported to another place and I thought, blimey these binoculars are brilliant.
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>^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong. |
05-24-22, 03:28 AM | #3573 |
Ocean Warrior
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 3,422
Downloads: 58
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Putin goes to a fortune teller.
She says "I see you being driven through the streets of Kyiv in a great Victory parade. There's millions of people lining the streets, cheering, clapping and waving." "Am I waving back?" he says. "No, the coffin's sealed".
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05-24-22, 02:14 PM | #3574 |
Chief of the Boat
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^
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
05-24-22, 02:16 PM | #3575 |
Chief of the Boat
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An American was being shown a big Soviet sign factory. “We turn out about 500 signs a week,” proudly said the Russian, “and when business demands it, we can step it up to 2,000.”
“Amazing!” said the visitor. “By the way, what do the signs say?” “Elevators not running,” was the answer.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
05-24-22, 04:35 PM | #3576 |
Fleet Admiral
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Air used to be free at the gas station, now it costs 2.50. You want to know why?
Inflation.
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abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
05-25-22, 08:27 AM | #3577 |
Chief of the Boat
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When my brother began his psychiatric practice, his first patient was a particularly good-looking young woman. My brother motioned for her to lie down on the couch, but the woman hesitated until he reassured her that it was part of the therapy procedure. Once on the couch, she smoothed her dress around her legs and began to relax a bit.
“Now then,” he asked, “how did your trouble begin?” “Just like this,” she said.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
05-25-22, 04:16 PM | #3578 |
Fleet Admiral
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How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but he has to do it during dinner.
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abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
05-26-22, 04:38 PM | #3579 |
Fleet Admiral
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How you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.
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abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
05-27-22, 07:17 AM | #3580 |
Fleet Admiral
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Why did the man fall into the well?
He just could not see that well
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
05-28-22, 01:04 PM | #3581 |
Chief of the Boat
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At our weekly alumni meetings, the football coach shows the film of the most recent game and holds a question-and-answer period afterward. One of the alumni, who had played on the football team many years ago and had a son on this year’s squad, posed a question concerning the defensive line. “I’d like to know,” he said, “why our boys are so slow getting into the opposition’s backfield after the ball is snapped.”
“Gosh, I’m not sure, Fred,” answered the coach. “But it could be hereditary.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
05-28-22, 04:57 PM | #3582 | |
Eejit's Mate Second Class
Join Date: Jan 2021
Location: North Carolina, USA
Posts: 65
Downloads: 96
Uploads: 10
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What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reality
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05-28-22, 07:44 PM | #3583 |
Fleet Admiral
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What has ears but cannot hear?
A cornfield!
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abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
05-28-22, 08:26 PM | #3584 | |
Eejit's Mate Second Class
Join Date: Jan 2021
Location: North Carolina, USA
Posts: 65
Downloads: 96
Uploads: 10
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Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pack of cards.
I'll deal with you in a minute!
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05-28-22, 08:27 PM | #3585 | |
Eejit's Mate Second Class
Join Date: Jan 2021
Location: North Carolina, USA
Posts: 65
Downloads: 96
Uploads: 10
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Doctor, doctor! What happened to the man who fell into a saw and got the left side of his body cut off?
He's all right now.
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