2016 US Presidential election thread - Page 231

mapuc · 10-29-16, 04:08 PM

In a former comment Platapus mentioned that POTUS had a special benefits when it came to criminal prosecution, if not he or she was....impeachment.

How many politicians from the Senat/Congress has to vote for this before such a thing can happen ? 2/3 or 5/6 ?I

I remember that the Senat/Congress had this type of voting against Bill Clinton.

Edit Special benefits as President of USA, but how about now and until the election day and if she is elected-the day from November 8/9 to the day she swear the oath/move into the white house ?

Markus

AVGWarhawk · 10-29-16, 04:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mapuc

In a former comment Platapus mentioned that POTUS had a special benefits when it came to criminal prosecution, if not he or she was....impeachment.

How many politicians from the Senat/Congress has to vote for this before such a thing can happen ? 2/3 or 5/6 ?I

I remember that the Senat/Congress had this type of voting against Bill Clinton.

Edit Special benefits as President of USA, but how about now and until the election day and if she is elected-the day from November 8/9 to the day she swear the oath/move into the white house ?

Markus

This situation is something never faced before(at least to my recollection). I would imagine indictment would preclude Hillary from continuing to run but.....this is a Clinton. Nothing applies. We have witnessed this in the past.

AVGWarhawk · 10-29-16, 04:40 PM

Food for thought, Hillary Clinton had 30k emails deleted and the server bleached. The new finding of emails on a laptop owned by Huma Abedin might must be some of those 30k that were intentionally erased. It is said that these emails at not duplicates of what the FBI have examined.

mapuc · 10-29-16, 04:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AVGWarhawk

This situation is something never faced before(at least to my recollection). I would imagine indictment would preclude Hillary from continuing to run but.....this is a Clinton. Nothing applies. We have witnessed this in the past.

As I see it, from reading Platapus comments Either the FBI try to get her before she enter the White House(swear the oath) or the
Senat/Congress(*) vote against her after she is POTUS.

* I don't know how high in the political system such voting(impeachment) has to be before it can be legal(made up example- A majority of the politicians in the Congress vote yes to let the President be impeach, but the President don't have to resign ´cause the Congress has no legal rights to do so, or it is the Senat who can't do such a thing)

Markus

Mr Quatro · 10-29-16, 05:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AVGWarhawk

Food for thought, Hillary Clinton had 30k emails deleted and the server bleached. The new finding of emails on a laptop owned by Huma Abedin might must be some of those 30k that were intentionally erased. It is said that these emails at not duplicates of what the FBI have examined.

The emails on the server were just suppose to be personal private emails. That server hdd was wiped clean, but the emails on Abedin's or might even be her husbands laptop might have already been there in a plainly marked folder in a laptops that she shared with her husband, with me so far?

What if they were deleated on this same laptop that served both her and her husband? Due to the long investigation of her husband they have located these emails not in well marked folders, but hidden on the hdd itself.

The hdd that they didn't want to wipe due to it's joint use.

My question is this can a laptop hdd still hold the contents of deleated emails?

Armistead · 10-29-16, 05:31 PM

I think for Comey to expose to the public what is going on, they've already found classified material. Hillary knows a full investigation would be the result and the FBI won't expose the emails of a possible criminal case under investigation until they put it all together, so she can shout to release the emails, knowing it won't happen. Just amazing after subpoena people are not turning over evidence and destroying it and it seems to be no big deal.

MaDef · 10-29-16, 06:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mapuc

I don't know how high in the political system such voting(impeachment) has to be before it can be legal(made up example- A majority of the politicians in the Congress vote yes to let the President be impeach, but the President don't have to resign ´cause the Congress has no legal rights to do so, or it is the Senat who can't do such a thing)

Markus

A majority of the members of the House must vote for the charges in order to impeach the president. After the charges are filed, the Senate has the power to try impeachment cases like a court. Two-thirds of the senators must vote for conviction.

AVGWarhawk · 10-29-16, 07:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Armistead

I think for Comey to expose to the public what is going on, they've already found classified material. Hillary knows a full investigation would be the result and the FBI won't expose the emails of a possible criminal case under investigation until they put it all together, so she can shout to release the emails, knowing it won't happen. Just amazing after subpoena people are not turning over evidence destroying it and it seems to be no big deal.

Agreed. There is enough found that Comey has only one option. If he left this unaddressed until after the election it would be cause for concern specifically if Hillary is to win. I laugh at Hillary DEMANDING to see these emails. She is in no position to demand anything. She looks like a child having a tantrum. Hillary knows what is in these emails. Loretta Lynch should be fired. Lynch is deep in this crap also.

mapuc · 10-29-16, 07:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaDef

A majority of the members of the House must vote for the charges in order to impeach the president. After the charges are filed, the Senate has the power to try impeachment cases like a court. Two-thirds of the senators must vote for conviction.

If I understood it correctly, an impeachment has to go through "Two doors" first the member of the House and if a majority say yes it is passed on to the Senat and even here a majority has to vote yes before the President can be convicted.

Is that correct ?

Markus

August · 10-29-16, 07:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mapuc

If I understood it correctly, an impeachment has to go through "Two doors" first the member of the House and if a majority say yes it is passed on to the Senat and even here a majority has to vote yes before the President can be convicted.

Is that correct ?

Markus

Yes but as MaDef says the Senate must be two thirds. A simple majority wouldn't be enough. Given the present party breakdown that would mean that some Democrats would also have to vote yes along with the Republican majority.

MaDef · 10-29-16, 10:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mapuc

If I understood it correctly, an impeachment has to go through "Two doors" first the member of the House and if a majority say yes it is passed on to the Senat and even here a majority has to vote yes before the President can be convicted.

Is that correct ?

Markus

pretty close, think of the House of Representatives as a grand jury, they vote on whether to charge the president. The senate would then be a trial jury, they would hear the testimony of witnesses, examine the evidence and then vote whether to acquit or convict. The House only needs a simple majority to bring the charges, the senate needs 2/3 majority vote to convict.

em2nought · 10-30-16, 02:24 AM

Remember not to wear your "Deplorables" shirt to the voting booth, I wonder if an NRA "Don't tread on me" shirt would get you arrested also?

http://southernconservativedaily.com...rable-t-shirt/

Platapus · 10-30-16, 06:12 AM

In Virginia, voters can wear pretty much anything they like. They can't wear any clothing that plays any sound, nor can the voter themselves engage in electioneering conversation while inside the 40 foot prohibited zone.

The same applies to official observers.

Election officers, on the other hand, have to be careful not to wear anything that even appears to be biased. We are discouraged from wearing anything red or blue. This makes it hard for me as all my ties are either red or blue

I may be a bit biased, but I think the rest of the states need to look at how Virginia runs their elections. Virginia has put a lot of good thought into the process. The only thing I would like Virginia to add is early voting, instead of in-person absentee voting.

Mr Quatro · 10-30-16, 07:37 AM

https://www.yahoo.com/news/m/93876b3...o-restore.html

Quote:

In an unexpected televised address on Saturday, Queen Elizabeth II offered to restore British rule over the United States of America. Addressing the American people from her office in Buckingham Palace, the Queen said that she was making the offer “in recognition of the desperate situation you now find yourselves in.” “This two-hundred-and-forty-year experiment in self-rule began with the best of intentions, but I think we can all agree that it didn’t end well,” she said. The Queen urged Americans to write in her name on Election Day, after which the transition to British rule could begin “with a minimum of bother.”

Another option for POTUS is the Queen of England

Oberon · 10-30-16, 07:44 AM

Someone on another board wrote this, I thought it very amusing:

So I saw a meme somewhere in here about making America part of Britain again. That inspired a little something, set in a dark alternate universe where Hillary Clinton never ran and instead the Democratic nominee was Kanye West...
--------------
November 8th, 2016. 10 PM Eastern Standard Time.

Anderson Cooper, veteran reporter, experienced calm voice of rationality in a world where America had somehow nominated a walking trash fire in a ****ty toupee and a narcissistic egomaniac as presidential candidates, veteran of multiple decades of increasingly absurd foreign affairs and internal political crises, turned to the secondary camera and stifled a yawn. "And I'm just now hearing that the massive number of write-in ballots that have been recorded across the nation have finally been counted to some extent. Bill?"

"Uh, thanks, Anderson. Um, well, this is a shocker. It turns out that apparently the polls were right and Trump's video and comments have cost him the female vote, but, uh, it's more than that, West didn't get them..."

"Bill, I know it's been a long night," the powerful, reassuring voice of the experienced reporter sounded slightly snarky to Cooper's own ears, "but could you please cut to the damn chase?"

"Yessir. Uh, it looks like the Queen of England just won the election in Vermont."

Cooper faintly felt his jaw drop.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"With 69% of the votes counted, Vermont is being called for Her Majesty Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, and of Her other Realms and Territories Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith."

Cooper shook his head. "But...what about Trump? Kanye West?"

"So far West is at .1% and Trump at 1%. It looks like all the women and almost all of West's supporters decided to write in the Queen of England."

"But...she can't be President, she's not a citizen of the United States!"

"Just a second, Anderson...OK, they just called New York and Maine. Elizabeth II again. Anderson, what the hell is going on?"

"What..." Anderson Cooper felt the tattered vestiges of his once-impeccable sanity slip. Not even an interview with the walking pile of human effluvia known as Donald Trump had broken that sanity. "I'll...I'll get back to you, Bill--cut to commercial, go to commercial now!"
---------
1 AM Eastern Standard Time.

Rachel Maddow yawned as she looked over the results. "They seriously called Texas for Queen Elizabeth?"

"Apparently," said the haggard-looking Lester Holt on her right. "62% of the vote is the current projection--almost all women and almost all of the men who leaned Democrat. She won Vermont by 98%"

"This is insane." Maddow counted the electoral votes in her head. "She's over 300 already. Have the British woken her up yet? The country's going to need a speech."

"The President sent a press release out. Apparently the British think it's a joke."

"Oh, ****." Maddow really regretted her frustrated write-in of "the Queen of England, she's better than both these idiots" now. "Get the BBC, maybe they can help."

"Good idea...LAUER! Matt, do you know how to contact the BBC?"

"I don't know, have one of the cameramen do it, that's what they're for."

"Hey!" protested one of the camerawomen.

"It's an insane night, just do it," Maddow sighed. "And someone get me something really ****ing alcoholic. We're going to need it."

"They just called Arkansas for Queen Elizabeth," whispered Holt. "Arkansas."

Maddow really needed a ****ing drink.
--------
Buckingham Palace, United Kingdom. 9 AM UTC. November 9th.

Her Majesty Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, and of Her other Realms and Territories Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith, blinked.

"I'm sorry, madam, but, what did the Americans do?"

"They elected you, Your Majesty. You are the president-elect of the United States of America."

There was only one response she could really muster to that. "Oh dear. They do seem to have had a bad time of it, haven't they?"

"Yes, Your Majesty." Theresa May kept her smile fixed on her face. "We don't know quite how to respond, Your Majesty. Nigel Farage is already claiming that it's an EU plot to destroy our sovereignty."

Her Majesty snorted. "Nigel Farage may claim whatever he so pleases, that does not make his claims anything more than hot air." May chuckled softly at Her Majesty's comment. "Well, one does what one must, with a stiff upper lip and all that. I shall have to address the world, it appears."

"Yes, Your Majesty. I took the liberty of having a podium set up."

"Why thank you, madam."

"It was nothing, Your Majesty." The Queen stood from her chair, accepting May's deferential step back and taking the lead, and strode out towards the front of the palace.

"Dear Lord," she muttered. "What will those Americans think of next?"
--------
January 20th, 2017.

Barack Hussein Obama, outgoing President of the United States, had never expected to see a candidate get all 538 electoral votes in his lifetime. And especially not a Brit.

President-Elect Elizabeth Windsor, also Her Majesty the Queen, was a very active woman for her advanced age, and quite pleasant company compared to many of the world leaders that Obama had had to suffer the displeasure of meeting. Her joke about Justice Thomas had actually made Obama chuckle in the middle of the ceremony.

His farewell address concluded, Obama allowed himself to lean back slightly in his seat as the elderly woman took the podium and stepped discretely up onto a stool that had been provided to deal with the height difference between the compact Queen and lanky Obama. She cleared her throat, adjusted her hat, and spoke into the microphone.

"I don't know quite how to begin," ironically the same way Obama had started his speech, "but I suppose the simplest way is to thank you for choosing me as your President."

There was a controlled but loud cheer from the crowd.

"As your leader, I do believe that this mean-spirited and untoward mud-slinging that has been going on in your politics must stop; it is most impolite and unkind, and downright embarrassing to nominate a beastly fellow such as Donald Trump." More cheers. "Quite frankly I haven't the faintest idea why you would choose me of all people, but I promise you that I shall do my very best for America as I have for the United Kingdom. I plan to stop this nasty little conflict in Syria, and to tell Mr. Putin to cease and desist in his efforts to massage his own ego by attacking the sovereignty of the Ukraine. I served in the Women's Auxiliary Service during the war against Mr. Hitler, and I have no desire to see Europe once again plunged into some bloody war over one man's foolhardy ambitions. Furthermore, I will brook no silliness from obstructionist gentlemen in the House and Senate; Sirs, you have been invested with duties by the people and the State, and you are paid quite lovely salaries for performing those duties, and I will accept no refusal to perform or excuse for your failure to perform those duties."

Obama was beyond the point of giving a rat's ass about any of the idiots sitting around him, but he could feel McConnel puckering like a sphincter and damn if that wasn't satisfying. He imagined Putin's face at this particular moment. A warm, fuzzy feeling that Obama hadn't felt in a long damn time surged through his veins.

Look out, world. Her Majesty the President and Queen was coming. And **** you, you *******s deserve what you're about to get, Obama thought.
------------
Moscow, Capital of Glorious Mother Russia. February 2nd, 2017.

Vladimir Vladimirovitch Putin, President of the Russian Federation and undisputed totally-not-dictator of Mother Russia, set his eyebrows manfully and stood to his full, masculine height. His Axe body spray gave him a musky, manly aroma that had nearly driven his secretary to tear his shirt off on the way in, and his suit was cut precisely by the finest Russian engineers and tailors to perfectly emphasize the powerful, masculine form of the leader of the Motherland.

The compact, elderly woman across the table from Putin, dressed in a pink dress and a magnificent pink hat with a truly immense carnation pinned to the side, daintily sipped from her cup of Earl Grey, a tea so British that Putin could almost see the smoke forming miniature Union Jacks.

"Your Majesty Madam President," Putin began powerfully, setting the timbre of his masculine voice deeper than usual to reverberate well with his accent, "regardless of your campaign promises I think that it is obvious to both of us that Ruthenia and Novorossiya are part of the Sov--I mean, Russian Emp--I mean, Russian Federation's patrimony. Furthermore I believe that the historical precedence is clear for the consideration of both the Crimea and Aleyska as the natural territory of the Sovi--er, Russian Federation. I recommend that we set aside petty posturing and bickering to agree upon these clear Russian truths."

"My, you certainly do have an inflated opinion of yourself, young man," the small woman noted, taking another dainty sip of her tea with impeccable manners. "Perhaps you should consult less biased resources, which would show youquite clearly that Russia neither has claim to those lands that you demand nor the capacity to take and hold them."

Putin felt masculine anger surge as he stumbled to manfully retake control of the conversation in a suitably powerful fashion. "Your Majesty Madam President, was that a threat? I believe that we are both aware of the invincible nuclear arsenal of Mother Russia, and I doubt that you would make such a move without knowledge of the full power of our infinite military superiority."

"Oh, no, dear, I was implying that if you attempt to take those territories I will simply ask the world to stop trading with you. And you are aware of my approval ratings across the world, young man, I am certain that you understand how that would affect your nation's economy."

Putin felt a cold sweat spring to life along his spine. "You wouldn't." His voice practically squeaked.

The British woman smiled upwards like an ancient snake. "I would, Mr. Putin. I absolutely would."

Vladimir Vladimirovitch Putin ground his teeth in futile rage.
------------------
Jerusalem. March 4th, 2017.

"Impossible! We will continue to build settlements as we please, this is the natural territory of...er...um...ah...yes, Your Majesty."

Benjamin Netanyahu quailed under the old British woman's disapproving gaze and sheepishly reached for his pen. Mahmoud Abbas and the balaclava-clad Hamas man had already signed, the latter similarly sheepishly and the former with a massive ****-eating grin.

Netanyahu cursed internally as he signed his name at the bottom of the treaty mandating peace between Israel and Palestine, a cessation to discriminatory marriage practices in Jerusalem, dismantling of all current Israeli settlements in Palestinian lands and cessation of settlement construction, and a thousand other provisions that both neutered Hamas as an insurgent group and political justification for Netanyahu's position and destroyed essentially the entirety of Netanyahu's political platform. Damn that woman! Damn her and the damn Americans who put her in power!

But he signed nonetheless.

10-29-16, 04:08 PM	#3451
mapuc Fleet Admiral Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Denmark Posts: 18,290 Downloads: 37 Uploads: 0	In a former comment Platapus mentioned that POTUS had a special benefits when it came to criminal prosecution, if not he or she was....impeachment. How many politicians from the Senat/Congress has to vote for this before such a thing can happen ? 2/3 or 5/6 ?I I remember that the Senat/Congress had this type of voting against Bill Clinton. Edit Special benefits as President of USA, but how about now and until the election day and if she is elected-the day from November 8/9 to the day she swear the oath/move into the white house ? Markus Last edited by mapuc; 10-29-16 at 04:18 PM.

10-29-16, 04:40 PM	#3453
AVGWarhawk Lucky Jack Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: In a 1954 Buick. Posts: 27,343 Downloads: 90 Uploads: 0	Food for thought, Hillary Clinton had 30k emails deleted and the server bleached. The new finding of emails on a laptop owned by Huma Abedin might must be some of those 30k that were intentionally erased. It is said that these emails at not duplicates of what the FBI have examined. __________________ “You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.” ― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road

10-29-16, 05:31 PM	#3456
Armistead Rear Admiral Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: on the Dan Posts: 10,865 Downloads: 364 Uploads: 0	I think for Comey to expose to the public what is going on, they've already found classified material. Hillary knows a full investigation would be the result and the FBI won't expose the emails of a possible criminal case under investigation until they put it all together, so she can shout to release the emails, knowing it won't happen. Just amazing after subpoena people are not turning over evidence and destroying it and it seems to be no big deal. __________________ You see my dog don't like people laughing. He gets the crazy idea you're laughing at him. Now if you apologize like I know you're going to, I might convince him that you really didn't mean it.

10-30-16, 02:24 AM	#3462
em2nought Ocean Warrior Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 3,336 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	Remember not to wear your "Deplorables" shirt to the voting booth, I wonder if an NRA "Don't tread on me" shirt would get you arrested also? http://southernconservativedaily.com...rable-t-shirt/ __________________ ISRAEL: Essentially "The Alamo" 24/7, 365 since 1947

10-30-16, 06:12 AM	#3463
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,000 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	In Virginia, voters can wear pretty much anything they like. They can't wear any clothing that plays any sound, nor can the voter themselves engage in electioneering conversation while inside the 40 foot prohibited zone. The same applies to official observers. Election officers, on the other hand, have to be careful not to wear anything that even appears to be biased. We are discouraged from wearing anything red or blue. This makes it hard for me as all my ties are either red or blue I may be a bit biased, but I think the rest of the states need to look at how Virginia runs their elections. Virginia has put a lot of good thought into the process. The only thing I would like Virginia to add is early voting, instead of in-person absentee voting. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-30-16, 07:44 AM	#3465
Oberon Lucky Jack Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 25,976 Downloads: 61 Uploads: 20	Someone on another board wrote this, I thought it very amusing: So I saw a meme somewhere in here about making America part of Britain again. That inspired a little something, set in a dark alternate universe where Hillary Clinton never ran and instead the Democratic nominee was Kanye West... -------------- November 8th, 2016. 10 PM Eastern Standard Time. Anderson Cooper, veteran reporter, experienced calm voice of rationality in a world where America had somehow nominated a walking trash fire in a ***ty toupee and a narcissistic egomaniac as presidential candidates, veteran of multiple decades of increasingly absurd foreign affairs and internal political crises, turned to the secondary camera and stifled a yawn. "And I'm just now hearing that the massive number of write-in ballots that have been recorded across the nation have finally been counted to some extent. Bill?" "Uh, thanks, Anderson. Um, well, this is a shocker. It turns out that apparently the polls were right and Trump's video and comments have cost him the female vote, but, uh, it's more than that, West didn't get them..." "Bill, I know it's been a long night," the powerful, reassuring voice of the experienced reporter sounded slightly snarky to Cooper's own ears, "but could you please cut to the damn chase?" "Yessir. Uh, it looks like the Queen of England just won the election in Vermont." Cooper faintly felt his jaw drop. "I'm sorry, what?" "With 69% of the votes counted, Vermont is being called for Her Majesty Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, and of Her other Realms and Territories Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith." Cooper shook his head. "But...what about Trump? Kanye West?" "So far West is at .1% and Trump at 1%. It looks like all the women and almost all of West's supporters decided to write in the Queen of England." "But...she can't be President, she's not a citizen of the United States!" "Just a second, Anderson...OK, they just called New York and Maine. Elizabeth II again. Anderson, what the hell is going on?" "What..." Anderson Cooper felt the tattered vestiges of his once-impeccable sanity slip. Not even an interview with the walking pile of human effluvia known as Donald Trump had broken that sanity. "I'll...I'll get back to you, Bill--cut to commercial, go to commercial now!" --------- 1 AM Eastern Standard Time.* Rachel Maddow yawned as she looked over the results. "They seriously called Texas for Queen Elizabeth?" "Apparently," said the haggard-looking Lester Holt on her right. "62% of the vote is the current projection--almost all women and almost all of the men who leaned Democrat. She won Vermont by 98%" "This is insane." Maddow counted the electoral votes in her head. "She's over 300 already. Have the British woken her up yet? The country's going to need a speech." "The President sent a press release out. Apparently the British think it's a joke." "Oh, **." Maddow really regretted her frustrated write-in of "the Queen of England, she's better than both these idiots" now. "Get the BBC, maybe they can help." "Good idea...LAUER! Matt, do you know how to contact the BBC?" "I don't know, have one of the cameramen do it, that's what they're for." "Hey!" protested one of the camerawomen. "It's an insane night, just do it," Maddow sighed. "And someone get me something really *ing alcoholic. We're going to need it." "They just called Arkansas* for Queen Elizabeth," whispered Holt. "Arkansas." Maddow really needed a ***ing drink. -------- Buckingham Palace, United Kingdom. 9 AM UTC. November 9th.* Her Majesty Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, and of Her other Realms and Territories Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith, blinked. "I'm sorry, madam, but, what did the Americans do?" "They elected you, Your Majesty. You are the president-elect of the United States of America." There was only one response she could really muster to that. "Oh dear. They do seem to have had a bad time of it, haven't they?" "Yes, Your Majesty." Theresa May kept her smile fixed on her face. "We don't know quite how to respond, Your Majesty. Nigel Farage is already claiming that it's an EU plot to destroy our sovereignty." Her Majesty snorted. "Nigel Farage may claim whatever he so pleases, that does not make his claims anything more than hot air." May chuckled softly at Her Majesty's comment. "Well, one does what one must, with a stiff upper lip and all that. I shall have to address the world, it appears." "Yes, Your Majesty. I took the liberty of having a podium set up." "Why thank you, madam." "It was nothing, Your Majesty." The Queen stood from her chair, accepting May's deferential step back and taking the lead, and strode out towards the front of the palace. "Dear Lord," she muttered. "What will those Americans think of next?" -------- January 20th, 2017. Barack Hussein Obama, outgoing President of the United States, had never expected to see a candidate get all 538 electoral votes in his lifetime. And especially not a Brit. President-Elect Elizabeth Windsor, also Her Majesty the Queen, was a very active woman for her advanced age, and quite pleasant company compared to many of the world leaders that Obama had had to suffer the displeasure of meeting. Her joke about Justice Thomas had actually made Obama chuckle in the middle of the ceremony. His farewell address concluded, Obama allowed himself to lean back slightly in his seat as the elderly woman took the podium and stepped discretely up onto a stool that had been provided to deal with the height difference between the compact Queen and lanky Obama. She cleared her throat, adjusted her hat, and spoke into the microphone. "I don't know quite how to begin," ironically the same way Obama had started his speech, "but I suppose the simplest way is to thank you for choosing me as your President." There was a controlled but loud cheer from the crowd. "As your leader, I do believe that this mean-spirited and untoward mud-slinging that has been going on in your politics must stop; it is most impolite and unkind, and downright embarrassing to nominate a beastly fellow such as Donald Trump." More cheers. "Quite frankly I haven't the faintest idea why you would choose me of all people, but I promise you that I shall do my very best for America as I have for the United Kingdom. I plan to stop this nasty little conflict in Syria, and to tell Mr. Putin to cease and desist in his efforts to massage his own ego by attacking the sovereignty of the Ukraine. I served in the Women's Auxiliary Service during the war against Mr. Hitler, and I have no desire to see Europe once again plunged into some bloody war over one man's foolhardy ambitions. Furthermore, I will brook no silliness from obstructionist gentlemen in the House and Senate; Sirs, you have been invested with duties by the people and the State, and you are paid quite lovely salaries for performing those duties, and I will accept no refusal to perform or excuse for your failure to perform those duties." Obama was beyond the point of giving a rat's ass about any of the idiots sitting around him, but he could feel McConnel puckering like a sphincter and damn if that wasn't satisfying. He imagined Putin's face at this particular moment. A warm, fuzzy feeling that Obama hadn't felt in a long damn time surged through his veins. Look out, world. Her Majesty the President and Queen was coming. And * you, you ****s deserve what you're about to get, Obama thought. ------------ Moscow, Capital of Glorious Mother Russia. February 2nd, 2017. Vladimir Vladimirovitch Putin, President of the Russian Federation and undisputed totally-not-dictator of Mother Russia, set his eyebrows manfully and stood to his full, masculine height. His Axe body spray gave him a musky, manly aroma that had nearly driven his secretary to tear his shirt off on the way in, and his suit was cut precisely by the finest Russian engineers and tailors to perfectly emphasize the powerful, masculine form of the leader of the Motherland. The compact, elderly woman across the table from Putin, dressed in a pink dress and a magnificent pink hat with a truly immense carnation pinned to the side, daintily sipped from her cup of Earl Grey, a tea so British that Putin could almost see the smoke forming miniature Union Jacks. "Your Majesty Madam President," Putin began powerfully, setting the timbre of his masculine voice deeper than usual to reverberate well with his accent, "regardless of your campaign promises I think that it is obvious to both of us that Ruthenia and Novorossiya are part of the Sov--I mean, Russian Emp--I mean, Russian Federation's patrimony. Furthermore I believe that the historical precedence is clear for the consideration of both the Crimea and Aleyska as the natural territory of the Sovi--er, Russian Federation. I recommend that we set aside petty posturing and bickering to agree upon these clear Russian truths." "My, you certainly do have an inflated opinion of yourself, young man," the small woman noted, taking another dainty sip of her tea with impeccable manners. "Perhaps you should consult less biased resources, which would show youquite clearly that Russia neither has claim to those lands that you demand nor the capacity to take and hold them." Putin felt masculine anger surge as he stumbled to manfully retake control of the conversation in a suitably powerful fashion. "Your Majesty Madam President, was that a threat? I believe that we are both aware of the invincible nuclear arsenal of Mother Russia, and I doubt that you would make such a move without knowledge of the full power of our infinite military superiority." "Oh, no, dear, I was implying that if you attempt to take those territories I will simply ask the world to stop trading with you. And you are aware of my approval ratings across the world, young man, I am certain that you understand how that would affect your nation's economy." Putin felt a cold sweat spring to life along his spine. "You wouldn't." His voice practically squeaked. The British woman smiled upwards like an ancient snake. "I would, Mr. Putin. I absolutely would." Vladimir Vladimirovitch Putin ground his teeth in futile rage. ------------------ Jerusalem. March 4th, 2017. "Impossible! We will continue to build settlements as we please, this is the natural territory of...er...um...ah...yes, Your Majesty." Benjamin Netanyahu quailed under the old British woman's disapproving gaze and sheepishly reached for his pen. Mahmoud Abbas and the balaclava-clad Hamas man had already signed, the latter similarly sheepishly and the former with a massive ****-eating grin. Netanyahu cursed internally as he signed his name at the bottom of the treaty mandating peace between Israel and Palestine, a cessation to discriminatory marriage practices in Jerusalem, dismantling of all current Israeli settlements in Palestinian lands and cessation of settlement construction, and a thousand other provisions that both neutered Hamas as an insurgent group and political justification for Netanyahu's position and destroyed essentially the entirety of Netanyahu's political platform. Damn that woman! Damn her and the damn Americans who put her in power! But he signed nonetheless.