The joke thread II - Page 202

Texas Red · 05-24-21, 06:40 AM

Son: “Dad, what was your favorite day as a soldier?”
Dad: “The first time I sent some private to find batteries for the chem lights.”

Jimbuna · 05-24-21, 08:15 AM

Dentist warns his patient, “This might be a bit painful.”

Patient: “That’s OK, I’ll handle it.”

The dentist sighs, “For a while now, I’ve been having an affair with your wife.”

Jimbuna · 05-24-21, 01:48 PM

Patient: Oh Doctor, I’m starting to forget things.

Doctor: Since when have you had this condition?

Patient: What condition?

Jimbuna · 05-25-21, 06:52 AM

A clairvoyant to a man, “I can see you are the father of 3 kids.”

The man smiles smugly, “No, I have 4 kids.”

The clairvoyant, “That’s what you think.”

Jimbuna · 05-25-21, 01:46 PM

Wife, “Honey, soon there will be 3 of us here! Isn’t that great?”

Husband, “Oh darling, that is simply wonderful!!!”

Wife, “I’m so happy you react that way! I did tell my mom you won’t mind her moving in!”

Platapus · 05-25-21, 04:54 PM

Cat puns freak meowt
I'm not kitten

Platapus · 05-25-21, 05:01 PM

Yesterday, I had to put my cat down

She was really heavy and my arm started to get tired.

Jimbuna · 05-26-21, 06:35 AM

Years ago, I threw away a boomerang really hard.

I’ve lived in constant fear since.

Jimbuna · 05-26-21, 06:36 AM

I lent my girlfriend a lot of money for cosmetic surgery a while ago. I’ve been trying to get it back now for weeks.

Problem is, I’ve no idea what she looks like now.

Texas Red · 05-26-21, 09:37 PM

I have a fish that can breakdance!

Only for thirty seconds though, and only once

Catfish · 05-27-21, 03:53 AM

^ So mean

"My Twins are six months now. Never been vaccinated and never been sick!"

If you're looking for faster results you can always let the car seats unbuckled while driving.

Jimbuna · 05-27-21, 08:19 AM

On a mountain trip a man falls down into a crack. His wife calls after him, “Are you OK?”

“Yeah!”

“Are you hurt?”

“No!”

“Not a scratch? How come?!“

“I’m not done falling yet-et-et-et-et!”

Jimbuna · 05-27-21, 10:02 AM

Policeman: I'm very sorry, sir, but it looks like your wife got hit by a bus.

Man: I’m aware of that, but Karen has a wonderful personality.

Jimbuna · 05-28-21, 08:05 AM

Where do we get virgin wool from?

Ugly sheep.

Platapus · 05-28-21, 04:42 PM

Did you ever think that our farts may be just the ghosts of the animals we eat, escaping?

05-24-21, 06:40 AM	#3016
Texas Red Fastest Gun Around Join Date: Aug 2019 Location: Agua Fira, New Mexico Posts: 2,376 Downloads: 527 Uploads: 5	Son: “Dad, what was your favorite day as a soldier?” Dad: “The first time I sent some private to find batteries for the chem lights.” __________________ There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure. — Colin Powell I'm not very active on the forums anymore. If you have a question, please DM me and I'll respond ASAP!

05-24-21, 08:15 AM	#3017
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,865 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Dentist warns his patient, “This might be a bit painful.” Patient: “That’s OK, I’ll handle it.” The dentist sighs, “For a while now, I’ve been having an affair with your wife.” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-24-21, 01:48 PM	#3018
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,865 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Patient: Oh Doctor, I’m starting to forget things. Doctor: Since when have you had this condition? Patient: What condition? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-25-21, 06:52 AM	#3019
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,865 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A clairvoyant to a man, “I can see you are the father of 3 kids.” The man smiles smugly, “No, I have 4 kids.” The clairvoyant, “That’s what you think.” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-25-21, 01:46 PM	#3020
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,865 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Wife, “Honey, soon there will be 3 of us here! Isn’t that great?” Husband, “Oh darling, that is simply wonderful!!!” Wife, “I’m so happy you react that way! I did tell my mom you won’t mind her moving in!” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-25-21, 04:54 PM	#3021
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,999 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Cat puns freak meowt I'm not kitten __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

05-25-21, 05:01 PM	#3022
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,999 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Yesterday, I had to put my cat down She was really heavy and my arm started to get tired. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

05-26-21, 06:35 AM	#3023
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,865 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Years ago, I threw away a boomerang really hard. I’ve lived in constant fear since. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-26-21, 06:36 AM	#3024
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,865 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I lent my girlfriend a lot of money for cosmetic surgery a while ago. I’ve been trying to get it back now for weeks. Problem is, I’ve no idea what she looks like now. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-26-21, 09:37 PM	#3025
Texas Red Fastest Gun Around Join Date: Aug 2019 Location: Agua Fira, New Mexico Posts: 2,376 Downloads: 527 Uploads: 5	I have a fish that can breakdance! Only for thirty seconds though, and only once __________________ There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure. — Colin Powell I'm not very active on the forums anymore. If you have a question, please DM me and I'll respond ASAP!

05-27-21, 03:53 AM	#3026
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,934 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	^ So mean "My Twins are six months now. Never been vaccinated and never been sick!" If you're looking for faster results you can always let the car seats unbuckled while driving. __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

05-27-21, 08:19 AM	#3027
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,865 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	On a mountain trip a man falls down into a crack. His wife calls after him, “Are you OK?” “Yeah!” “Are you hurt?” “No!” “Not a scratch? How come?!“ “I’m not done falling yet-et-et-et-et!” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-27-21, 10:02 AM	#3028
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,865 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Policeman: I'm very sorry, sir, but it looks like your wife got hit by a bus. Man: I’m aware of that, but Karen has a wonderful personality. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-28-21, 08:05 AM	#3029
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,865 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Where do we get virgin wool from? Ugly sheep. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-28-21, 04:42 PM	#3030
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,999 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Did you ever think that our farts may be just the ghosts of the animals we eat, escaping? __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.