Chill Out

[Abraham]

Originally Posted by Neal Stevens

Funny how there doesn't seem to be any Americans in heaven

It's stricktly an European joke, European countries making a fool of each other.
Get out of our heaven/hell!

[Skybird]

Originally Posted by Neal Stevens

Yeah, maybe, but they owe payment for it to the Chinese.

"Heaven and Hell" is some Chinese meal.

[Fish]

Originally Posted by Abraham

It's stricktly an European joke, European countries making a fool of each other.
Get out of our heaven/hell!

European jokes like this:

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH:
1. When speaking fast you can make yourself sound like a homo
2. It's easy being a soap dodger
3. You get to eat ****ty little things like snails and frog's legs
4. You know what you are ordering in expensive restaurants
5. You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on Channel 4.
6. You can test your own nuclear weapons far away from your own doorstep
7. You can be ugly and still become a famous film star
8. If there's a war you can surrender really early
9. You don't have to bother with toilets, just **** in a hole
10. People think you're a great lover even when you're crap




TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH:
1. Two World Wars and One World Cup doo-dah doo-dah
2. Warm beer
3. You get to confuse Yanks with the rules of cricket
4. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events
5. Union Jack underpants
6. Water shortages guaranteed every single summer
7. Puts you in with a chance of bedding Joan Collins
8. Bathing once a week - whether you need to or not
9. Ditto changing underwear
10. Beats being Welsh,
11. Or Scottish

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SPANISH:
1. You can be mistaken for a Mexican all over North America
2. The rest of Europe thinks Africa begins at the Pyrenees
3. You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes, Brits etc.
4. The rest of your country is already invaded by Moroccans
5. Everybody else makes crap paella and claims it's the real thing
6. Hard to get the women into bed without marrying them ...
7. ... and twice as hard still if you're not a Catholic
8. In fact, the only sure way is to dress up in silly too-tight clothes and risk your life in front of bulls
9. You get to eat bulls' testicles
10. Supported Argentina in Falklands War.

[STEED]

Funny list Fish, I like the one on us brits you forgot one thing the Germans always beat us to the deck chairs with their towels.

[Fish]

Originally Posted by STEED

Funny list Fish, I like the one on us brits you forgot one thing the Germans always beat us to the deck chairs with their towels.

[Torplexed]

Hee..hee. Those are good. Love the international humour.

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERY NATIONALITY

On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by a shipwreck:

2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman

2 French men and 1 French woman

2 German men and 1 German woman

2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman

2 English men and 1 English woman

2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman

2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman

2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman

2 American men and 1 American woman

2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

********************************
One month later on the same absolutely stunning deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:

One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a ménage-a-trois.

The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.

The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean, and another long look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming.

The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.

The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant and a laundry, and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their stores.

The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide because the American woman keeps endlessly complaining about her body; the true nature of feminism; how she can do everything they can do; the necessity of fulfilment; the equal division of household chores; how a diet of fish and coconut milk makes her too fat; how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do; but how her relationship with her mother is improving and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining.

The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.

The two Irish men have divided the island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whisky. But they're satisfied because at least the English aren't geting laid either.

[DeepSix]

:rotfl: That's the funniest one yet!

[Linton]

Fish, what is wrong with being Welsh?We are merely the Irish who did not want to live in a bog!

[Fish]

Originally Posted by Linton

Fish, what is wrong with being Welsh?

Absolutely nothing!

[Torplexed]

Some more chill-out humour...

A Message from Osama

After numerous rounds of "We don't know if Osama is still alive", Osama
himself decided to send Ted Kennedy a letter in his own handwriting to let
him know he was still in the game.

Kennedy opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of coded
message:

370HSSV-0773H

Kennedy was baffled, so he e-mailed it to John Kerry. Kerry and his aides
had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.

No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA.
With no clue as to its meaning, the FBI finally asked Britain's MI-6 for
help. Within a minute MI-6 cabled back with this reply:

"Tell the FBI that Kennedy's holding the message upside down."

[TLAM Strike]

Seen that before but only with Bush and Dick.

[The Avon Lady]

Originally Posted by TLAM Strike

Seen that before but only with Bush and Dick.

The letter was bipartisan.